Jen's Journey

New Blog

2008-12-27T00:36:00.001-05:00

www.jenmcd13.vox.com

Any updates will be posted there. I'm not just going to focus on my (unsuccessful) weight loss efforts, but on whatever enters my pretty little head!

See you there, and Happy New Year!

2008-11-22T19:05:00.002-05:00

11.22.08

Except for yesterday, my eating this week has been pretty good. Yesterday was a mini-binge kind of day.

Strangely, Wednesday and Thursday I wasn't all that hungry, so I didn't eat that much.

Thursday night, I noticed I wanted to eat, even though I wasn't hungry, just because I knew food was in the fridge. But I waited it out, and didn't eat anymore, and eventually I just went to bed. I think I was able to do that because I didn't resist the urge to eat just because it was there Wednesday night. I was comfortably full, but Sean had ordered pizza. So I ate one piece. Not much, but I was physically miserable, and disappointed in myself as well. So I think I was able to apply that on Thursday night.

11.16.08

2008-11-16T00:05:00.003-05:00

My daytime eating has been pretty good. My evening eating has not been. Usually by the time I get home I'm stressed out, tired, and don't want to think. But that is when I'm going to have to think the most.

I've been in a pretty pissy mood all week and haven't worked out because I haven't wanted to. I blame it on PMS, the full moon, and whatever else I can think of.

I have eaten pretty well today. And I did something really good and un-Jenny like this evening. I was actually hungry and wanted a snack. I had set out the port wine cheese spread earlier in the evening to come to room temp. I got out four Aldi's brand Club type crackers and spread cheese on them. I didn't bring the whole tub to my computer and eat mindlessly. Progress.

11.12.08

2008-11-12T23:31:00.002-05:00

My eating has been up and down the last few days. Typical for me.

I didn't exercise on Monday; I was coming down with a cold and was tired and whiny and didn't feel like it. Tuesday, I did my 4 flights of stairs. Today I was off work, but I went to visit a friend at ISU and had to park 4 blocks away to get free parking, so I did get some walking in. In the rain. That must burn off extra calories, right?

I tested my blood sugar on Monday morning, it was 117. Moving in the right direction.

11.7.08

2008-11-07T14:23:00.002-05:00

Just got done doing my 4 flights of stairs and 20 wall push-ups. I think I'll try to find something else to do next week. Have I mentioned that I really hate climbing stairs?

Took the day off yesterday. On Wednesday, I did my stairs, but no weights when I got home. I did some stretching, however.

Eating Wednesday night was terrible. Better by a little yesterday. Today, not too bad. However, it has been a HORRENDOUS day at work, and I really want to medicate with food tonight. Not sure if I want to try to fight it off or not, to be honest.

11.05.08

2008-11-05T12:26:00.002-05:00

I didn't want to do stairs today. I'm tired; I stayed up too late watching election results and speeches. But, I bucked up and did them anyway. One flight when I got to work this morning, and 3 more flights just now. UGH. I really hate climbing stairs. But it's done, and I feel virtuous because of it.

My blood sugar was 123 this morning. I've decided to reduce the amount of bread I eat. I eat WAY too much bread. I'm going to eat my normal amount at breakfast, which is either 2 slices or a whole bagel, but eat half as much any other time. Which means open face sandwiches or sandwiches on 1 slice folded over, or 1 slice of bread and butter or garlic bread. This should help both my blood sugar and my weight.

Like I said, I'm tired. I may or may not do any weights tonight. We'll see what the evening brings.

11.4.08

2008-11-04T21:16:00.002-05:00

My goals were the same today as yesterday; 4 flights of stairs and 20 wall push-ups half way there. And I achieved my goal again today! My triceps are really sore today, so tomorrow I will so something else with weights; probably biceps curls and overhead press. And my 4 flights of stairs. Ugh. I really hate climbing stairs. But it is free, and I can do it at lunch, which is when I'm most likely to work out. So for now, it's my exercise of choice. Again, Ugh.

Eating was not so great. Evening, as always, is my hardest time. I have been taking my metformin consistently the last week, though. I'll test my blood sugar again tomorrow morning and see if the trend is coming down. Fasting last week was 121, down from 126 the week before.

11.3.08

2008-11-03T06:47:00.004-05:00

I haven't posted in a while, so you know how things have been going.

I'm setting 2 goals today; one for today, and one for the month. I want to lose 4 lbs this month. Yes, I know Thanksgiving is at the end of the month, but that is 3 weeks away. I think I can do it. The goal for today is to climb 4 flights of stairs, and when I stop half way to do 20 wall push-ups. I usually start with 2 flights of stairs when I start this again, but that is the norm for me. Four will push me. I need to push.

Check in with you later.

******************************************************************

It's later.

357.2

I did my stairs and push ups. And had reasonable portions most of the day. Overall, a successful day.

10.16.08

2008-10-17T00:23:00.002-04:00

Going to bed a little hungry tonight, and my rings feel loose and spin easily on my finger. Good signs both, I think.

I weighed on Wednesday, but didn't like what I saw, so I didn't post it. My blog, my rules!

Went to a family run Italian joint for dinner tonight. We split an antipasto platter, of which we brought about half home, both had salads and crunchy bread sticks, and split an entree. Brought a little of the pasta home, too. Felt pretty good about supper both price-wise and eating-wise.

10.6.08

2008-10-06T13:26:00.002-04:00

357.7

Down 3.4 lbs in a 5 days. Pretty happy with that.

I didn't do stairs on Friday. I had a bad charlie horse situation in my left calf, and it was so sore Friday I was limping every time I got up from my desk.

Saturday, I walked the 1 mile celebration/fun walk for the Komen Race for the Cure. I didn't drink much water before, and walked at a little faster pace than usual, and got a little sick afterward. Felt woozy, and had some dry heaves. One of my endo nurses was there and got me a cold water bottle for my neck, and I rested and felt better. Sean was great, too. He was proud of me for not panicking.

Sunday, we walked for about 20 minutes. I drank lots of water before we went. I felt fine.

Portions went pretty well except for last night. I did have fruit Saturday and today.

I'm still working on my issue of wanting to lose weight but not wanting to work for it. There's some spiritual stuff tied up in that as well. I'll get there, I just don't know when.

10.2.08

2008-10-02T22:59:00.002-04:00

Well, portions were better at breakfast and lunch, but dinner was still too big. And too much frustration snacking on Hersey Nuggets. And no fruit, unless you count the cherries in a small slice of cherry pie. ;)

The successes, though, are that I did get my 2 flights of stairs in, and my portions were better on 2 out of 3 meals.

Tomorrow: 2 flights of stairs, actual fruit, reasonable portions.

BTW, I was hoping the vice-presidential debate would be a huge train wreck. I thought there was great comic potential with these 2 candidates. But alas, they both seem to have prepared pretty well.

2008-10-01T23:23:00.002-04:00

10.01.08 x 2

So here is one of my problems. Just before I typed my last post, I was hungry, so I had a snack. No problem. But now I'm not hungry anymore, but I want to keep eating. I enjoy the sensation; I enjoy the activity. But I'm not hungry anymore. So I'm going to stay on the computer a while longer in effort not to eat anything else.

2008-10-01T23:11:00.003-04:00

10.1.08

361.1

I'm starting again today. I did better with my portions, and only ate when hungry. I actually ate a piece of fruit, too!

Rough plan for tomorrow: Another serving of fruit. Moderate portions. At least 2 flights of stairs.

I go to the doctor for my work-mandated physical, which my annual apparently did not count for, on the 22nd, and I want to see how much I can lose by then. And I was going to type that I'm only gonna weigh once a week, but we all know better than that.

9/14/08

2008-09-14T11:25:00.002-04:00

354.6

First time I've seen a number below 355 for awhile, and I'm happy about that.

I did not lose enough weight to fit into the Colts shirt. However, I decided I didn't want to give it away, so I had it altered. It looks pretty good, too. I'll take a pic and get it posted soon.

I've actually gone on a couple of walks in the last 2 weeks. Doesn't sound like much, but considering I've been pretty much sedentary the entire summer, it is progress. Next week-end, with my Fit Chix group at church, I'll be going to Zumba. I'll keep you posted about that.

8.6.08

2008-08-06T19:03:00.000-04:00

360

Bummer. It's only 1.4 lb up over last week, but still... I've got to start going in the right direction.

I bailed on Shauna for Zumba. Sorry Shauna :( I stayed up too late last night, again, and am too tired. Of course, if I got more sleep, I would have more energy to exercise, and would probably not eat as much, because I'd have more energy. It's a vicious, stupid cycle. I'll try to get to Zumba next week and report back.

I did get my stairs in at lunch.

8.5.08

2008-08-05T21:27:00.002-04:00

I'm listening to an 80's CD my friend Jeff made for me. The 80's rawk!

Eating has been better most of yesterday, and definitely today.

One of my goals this week is to climb at least 2 flights of stairs each day. So far, I have. And I plan to go to Zumba w/Shauna tomorrow after work. I'll probably get my butt kicked, but in a fun way!

Weigh in is tomorrow; I'll post it and about Zumba.

7.27.08

2008-07-27T23:13:00.002-04:00

It's been a pretty undisciplined couple of weeks, although I have eaten better the last 2 days. I spoke with Rebecca, my health educator from my insurance, and I ran into Jean, the doctor who is running the study I participated in at ISU, and both occasions have kind of embarassed me into working harder. Not thru any fault of theirs; I just feel like I have let them down. But that's all about me, not anything they've done. Maybe I can use my neurosis to work for good!

I bought some individual packs of cottage cheese, and some cheese curd. It was cheaper than string cheese at the store I was at, and I can make my own packages up. I boiled some eggs, too. All of these things will be handy snacks at work. Easy to eat, and not carby.

Got a lot of exercise Saturday toting stuff out to the car and into Hulman center. At least it felt like a lot; I am so out of shape. I meant to do something today, but I was really enjoying a lazy day; it was a really busy week last week. I want to go to Zumba with my friend Shauna sometime soon. She really enjoys it, and it sounds like fun.

I'm switching my anti-depressant med, that I take for generalized anxiety disorder, from Zoloft to Pristiq. It works on both serotonin and norepinephrine, the latter of which is supposed to give you more energy. I could use that. Maybe it will help motivate me to exercise. The info says that one of the side effects is loss of appetite. That would rock!

7.20.08

2008-07-20T13:13:00.002-04:00

353.3 as of 7.17

Should have posted this a few days ago, but I've been busy cross stitching a bib for my niece's baby shower.

Eating has been pretty carby the last few days. Not sure if it's because it's TOM, or just that I've been lazy.

Gotta go pay bills...

7.14.08

2008-07-14T22:35:00.002-04:00

Eating was a bit better today. Proper portions for breakfast, lunch, and morning snack. For an afternoon snack, I had a chicken salad sandwich leftover from lunch. I would have been satisfied with half of it, but of course, I ate all of it. But here's the good part. I usually would go home and eat (another) dinner with Sean. But he was hungry right after work, and I wasn't, so he went to Subway. I waited awhile after we got home, and at about 1/2 a cucumber with some french onion dip. So it ended up being kinda balanced.

I had a meeting for church over desert at Cracker Barrel tonight. I had a root beer float made with diet Stewart's root beer and no sugar added ice cream. The ice cream pretty much cancelled out the diet taste of the root beer, and it was a guilt free treat! Then when I got home, I was hungry, so I had 2 slices of cheese and 5 slices of pre-cooked bacon. A good, high protein snack.

So I feel like things evened out today. I'm happy that I didn't use one bad choice as an excuse to blow the rest of the evening.

7.13.08

2008-07-13T23:27:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday to Me!

I have indulged some in the last few days, but it hasn't been an entire day-long indulgence any day. Thursday was a carb-o-lishous lunch, and Friday night was bunco, which is always an eating-fest. Yesterday, my only splurge was a thin-mint blizzard, which was TOTALLY worth it! And tonight I had a double cheeseburger fixed by my DH for my birthday dinner, and a brownie w/mini Reese's cups and ice cream for my birthday desert. So I have indulged, but I haven't felt out of control. I think it has helped that I've not used it as an excuse to eat lousy all day, just part of the day. I'll weigh again on Wednesday and see how I've done.

7.09.08

2008-07-09T20:28:00.002-04:00

354

Down 1.5 lbs since Monday. WooHoo!

I'm not in a very good mood, and I'm obsessive, and I want to go eat. But I had dinner, probably too much. I am not at all hungry. DH & I split an order of mushrooms and hot wings at Moggers. Yeah, I know batter dipped and deep fried mushrooms aren't exactly low carb, but my portion was appropriate. And the wings were not breaded. I was really jonesing for some ice cream, but all we have is regular at home, and I wanted sugar-free. So I had 2 chocolate coins. Yes, sugar, but again in appropriate amounts. It could have been a lot worse. So I called my friend Shauna to discuss my obsessing, and I feel better. And I know the other things bothering me from work are more about my perspective than reality. And I know it will all pass. So I'm blogging to avoid eating. And I have a really good book to read when I'm done, I Shall Not Want by Julia Spencer-Fleming. Plus, Baby Borrowers is on tonight, and She's Got the Look, and I have an ep of Whose Wedding Is It Anyway DVR'd, so I have plenty to distract me.

7.7.08

2008-07-07T22:35:00.002-04:00

355.5

Well, I know it's only one day, but so far so good. 2.6 lbs down from my last recorded weigh-in. And it got higher than that in the week before vacay. I hit an all-time high, and I don't really want to tell you what that was. It was just very nice to weigh less after vacay than before.

Maybe it's all the sleep I got last week, or maybe fewer carbs, but I wasn't as sluggish today. I had my usual 1 can of diet pop (diet Code Red rawks!), but no Vitalert.

The lack of discipline seems to be the root of most of my problems in life. So for this week I have set 3 goals:

1) Devotions every evening before I get too sleepy.
2) Getting ready for work on time.
3) Eating proper portions.

I'm not a morning person. Morning devotions do not work for me. I'm not giving God or anyone else my best in the morning. And if I do my devotions in the evening, then it prepares me for the next day.

I frustrate my DH constantly with my dilly-dallying around in the morning. I'm always running late. So I need to change this for both me and him.

That's how today went. We'll take it one day at a time, and see how tomorrow goes.

7.6.2008

2008-07-06T15:16:00.002-04:00

Hope you all had a great Independence Day! We had a cook-out with a few friends, and ate way too much.

I've been on vacay the past week, and my eating has alternated between bad and good. Inspired by my friend Shauna, I'm going to try fewer carbs, more protein. I'm not eliminating carbs all together, or even doing Atkins, just trying to limit my consumption. My fasting blood sugar from my blood work last month is evidence that it is not a bad idea. All my other blood work was good, though.

I'm going to try to eat most of my carbs early in the day, to get the kindling effect. I've prepared some snacks to keep in the fridge so I don't immediately go to the easy, carby pre-packaged snacks. That being said, there is still ice cream in the house. So if I have any of that, I need to control my portion. Two months left to get into that pink jersey...

6.18.2008

2008-06-19T22:11:00.002-04:00

Nearly 2 weeks since I last posted; since I determined to lose weight to fit in to the pink Colts shirt. Since I haven't been posting, you can probably guess how I've been doing. Why is it so easy to set a goal, but so difficult to achieve one?

Ten weeks to go. I can still do this.

Ten weeks till football season? ALRIGHT!!!! Even if I don't make my goal, football will soon be back. WooHoo!

Ate way too much today during the day. Did pretty well for dinner, though. We went to a local restaurant, the Saratoga, tonight for "Tapas at the Toga." So I ate small portions at a very leisurely pace. Good company, too, as our friends Chuck and MaryAnn joined us.

6.5.08

2008-06-05T22:09:00.003-04:00

WARNING!!! THE PICTURES BELOW ARE NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH!!!

I've been wanting a pink Colts jersey for awhile now. They had them at K-mart tonight, in a ladies 2x. Problem is, a 2x is not big enough for me. I bought it anyway. I'm going to use it for inspiration. My goal is to wear it for the Colts first regular season game, September 7. Which is a Sunday, so I plan to wear it to church that night, too. BTW, although I love Peyton, it is a Bob Sanders jersey. Gotta spread the love around. I'd really love to have a Jeff Saturday or Freddy Keiaho jersey. Maybe after I meet this goal.

3 months. Will I be committed enough to make the change? Will I wait till the last minute and try to do it all at once, like I usually do? That won't work. I'm going to have to make consistent changes to reach this goal. The first thing I'm going to do; tomorrow at work, I will climb at least 3 flights of stairs. I did remember to do a mini-meditation today before I had my morning snack. I slowed down, focused on my breath for several breaths, and assessed how hungry I was, how full I felt, and how satisfied I felt. I need to remember to do that before I eat meals, too.

So anyhow, here are the scary pictures. And yes, I am embarrassed to post them. But I say that this is a place to get real. It doesn't get much more real than this, bay-bee! I figure that most of you reading this love me, and will be kind. (please, at least, fake it.) And if there are any haters lurking out there, well, I don't have time for you. I only have 3 months to reach this goal.

Again, these pics are not for the squeamish. You were warned...

6.4.08

2008-06-04T20:57:00.003-04:00

358.1

Down 1 lb, without even trying much! If I put some effort into it this week, it could be more next week!

Goals for this week: at least 64 oz water a day, smaller portions, and eating more slowly and mindfully. I am going to try to do my meditations from the ISU study at least twice this week.

6.2.08

2008-06-02T00:56:00.002-04:00

So what am I doing up at almost 1 am, writing on my blog? Well, I went to bed around 11. I've been staying up too late recently and wanted to go to bed earlier. So I turned in w/the DH. Went to sleep pretty easily. And just woke up a few minutes ago with the leg on the side I was sleeping on asleep. No big deal, right? Just turn over, you'll be fine. Ahh, but not so simple for my addled brain. For some reason, this throws me into a mild panic attack. Not full on, but I can feel the fear washing over me. I won't go into the specifics, because they're not the least bit rational, but I decided lying there in the dark wasn't the best thing to do, so I got up. I'll get on the computer awhile, and maybe watch some tv if I need too. I am really sleepy, though, so I hope I can go back to bed soon. This is the second attack I've had in the last month or so. Neither major, and in each I've been aware of what was going on. But I don't know why they've resurfaced. My fears all involve medical stuff. I know, I'm in the wrong profession. I've been pretty caffeinated this week-end. This whole week, actually. And recently one of my good friends lost her mother. And today, I met a woman much younger than me who is living through the end of a fatal disease. So maybe those things have triggered my obsessions. Whatever it is, I didn't want to lie there in the dark and ruminate. And I WILL NOT go get on WebMD. Sometimes a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

So anyway, I did pretty well with my eating today. Great breakfast, big lunch, too many cocktail weenies wrapped in croissants in green room, but veggies and lots of fruit. Two pieces of pizza and more fruit for dinner after church, and one bite of Sean's cake. Not great, but not too bad. Heavy on the salt, though. Need to be more careful of that, and drink more water.

I'm finally going to community band rehearsal tonight. I practiced some Saturday. I used a different mouth piece with a slightly wider lip; we'll see how that does with stamina. I may switch back to the other. And this will be the first time since college that I've used a double horn. Weighs more. Weight was an issue last year, just because I hadn't played in so long. And that was with a single. So we'll see how it goes. I won't be surprised if I'm sore on Tuesday.

I'm getting pretty sleepy, so we'll try this bed thing again. Wish me luck.

5.29.08

2008-05-29T22:16:00.002-04:00

Tired and hungry. Not a good combination.

I ate well yesterday, until I got home from rehearsal. I had to go to Wal-Mart afterwards to pick up a b-day present for my father-in-law, and was hungry, because we had supper early. Rehearsal got over at 9:30. I bought a bag of cheesy pop-corn puffs, and ate a little more than half the bag while reading. I should have just poured out the 2 cup serving, and I'm sure I would have been plenty happy.

Today, did well with eating until supper. We went to Olive Garden. I did eat too much, but not as much as I would have in the past. Three breadsticks, half of the smoked mozzerella fonduta, salad, and I actually brought half of my chicken Milanese home! So a little progress, a little area for further improvement.

BTW, the limoncello lemonade at Olive Garden is DIVINE!

5.27.08

2008-05-27T22:00:00.001-04:00

359.1. Honestly, not my highest weight recently. But here is where I begin again.

It was raining after work, so no walk or yard work, except trimming a few branches from our tree-bush out front. However, my portions today were much better, and I had fruit with lunch and as a snack! I bought a couple of bananas to eat over the next couple of days.

5.26.2008

2008-05-26T23:27:00.003-04:00

I've been eating like a pig this week-end, knowing that I've decided to start tomorrow working on eating right again. My main concentrations for this week will be portion sizes and more fruits and vegetables. And more water.

Right now, although I'm not the least bit hungry, I want something to eat. So, sugar free popsicles to the rescue. 15 calories each. And for some reason, I always have to eat 2. So 30 calories, and my mouth is occupied and my urge to eat is satisfied.

Exercise hasn't been happening lately, except for working in the butterfly garden one night. Still brake problems with the new bike. It's been rainy, too, and the DH has been wonderful and not making fun of me! Tomorrow night, we hope to take a walk and mulch my other, smaller flower bed.

5.15.2008

2008-05-15T23:10:00.002-04:00

I commented to a friend over dinner tonight that I only blog when things are going well, eating wise, and realized that this might be more useful to me if I blog when things aren't going at all, too.

I'm hovering around the same weight, I think. I haven't weighed in a couple of weeks. I'll have a few good eating days, followed by several bad. Work has calmed down, so I can't blame it on stress. Just don't feel like being disciplined right now.

We have walked more this spring than last, but I need to do more. I'm buying a bicycle this week. And to keep the DH from ridiculing me for my latest unused fitness purchase (DDR, stability ball...) I need to make a plan for riding and stick to it. Plus I think exercising again will get me wanting to eat right.

So I'll try to check in here more often, good or bad. And maybe not even eating related. Maybe we'll just chat. After all, I am about more than just my weight, and so is my journey.

4.21.2008

2008-04-21T23:10:00.002-04:00

Eating went well this week-end. I got inspired Saturday by a cooking show, and made brown rice w/roasted veggies (zucchini, red and yellow pepper, and onion, and a lot of spices, and olive oil) and baked chicken. Sunday, fixed some pasta w/turkey ham, peas, olive oil and parm. Even did okay today, and got in a walk this afternoon. Had a subway foot long for dinner (roast beast, one of 6 under 6, so even at a foot long, not too bad. and loaded it up w/veggies) Then what do I go and do? Eat a half a box of cheese-its. GAAAA!!!

But let's focus on the good. One slip, lots of good. And I will get right back on the good wagon.

And I think I know what knocked me off the wagon...sugar. After lunch, I had a small snack-size bag of skittles to get rid of the Chinese food breath. Then I had some peanut brittle. So, let's be honest...3 bad things to all the good. Still, I will get right back on the good wagon. All is not lost. My health educator from my insurance company called last week, and she reminded me not to beat myself up. (that doesn't count as exercise; right Shauna?!?!) When I slip, and I will, (or maybe even jump feet first!) I need to get over that, and be more careful for a few days to compensate for the infraction. I can do that. I can be positive and supportive of myself. I didn't blow everything with one (or 3) slips. I am still learning to eat in a more healthy and appropriate manner.

4.13.2008

2008-04-13T21:45:00.002-04:00

Went to a new Chinese buffet in town tonight. Grand opening special, 50% off coupon. They had a large, varied selection, including sushi. I put into practice the concept we learned in my mindful eating training of gourmet, not glutton. I had a little of many different things. I left food on my plate if I didn't like it, and didn't feel guilty about it. I ate a little too much, but left feeling a little past full, not stuffed, miserable and bloated like I would have in the past.

I was talking to Sean afterwards about how I feel a buffet is kind of a waste of money if you're not going to put on the feed bag, unless you have the 50% off coupons like we did. He suggested I see it as a way to try a lot of different things, not to eat too much. I think that was mentioned in the mindful eating training, too. So that's how I'm going to look at a buffet now. Not that I still want to go very often. Still feels pretty tempting.

4.6.2008

2008-04-06T13:01:00.002-04:00

Spring is finally here. We have taken 2 walks in 2 days. We walked around our neighborhood for 20 minutes yesterday, and at Fairbanks Park for about 15 minutes after breakfast today.

We went to Cracker Barrel this morning, and our meal sharing has continued. I got an omelet, and Sean got pancakes, and we split them, so we both got some carbs and some protein. We did this a couple of nights ago at La Familia de Jeshua, too. We both got spinach salads, and split a calzone. Sharing meals seems to be a way for us to indulge a bit and control portions.

Had my last session for the study at ISU yesterday. We were to take 2 foods for a meal; 1 healthy and 1 not so healthy. I took cottage cheese as my not so healthy, and explained my experiment to them. I took my homemade salsa and baked scoops for the healthy. You get about 15 scoops for 120 calories, and my salsa is just tomatoes, onion, garlic, cilantro, jalapeno pepper and salt and pepper; very low in calories and chock full of good nutrients. And if you have your own bowl of salsa, you can double dip those 15 scoops as often as you want!

4.1.2008

2008-04-01T21:59:00.003-04:00

350.5

Well, the changes I'm making must be having a good effect. I'm down 1 lb officially. 4.5 lbs from Saturday, to be painfully honest.

When the weather finally clears, we are going to start walking again. Tonight after work was cold and windy. Rain is predicted the rest of the week, but the week-end should be nice.

My cottage cheese experiment is going well. It took me 4 days to go through a 24 oz carton, and Sean even got a serving!

3.29.08

2008-03-29T18:43:00.002-04:00

It's been a murderous 3 weeks at work. New computer system, lots of O.T., lots of stress. I have been exhausted, and haven't wanted to think about what I've been eating. So I haven't been. I've been using food as solace. The good thing is, I've been hovering around the same weight, so I haven't done too much damage.

I started back with mindful eating today. And I'm doing an experiment with my beloved cottage cheese. Maybe if I make it more common, I won't feel the need to gobble it all down so quickly. So I bought 2 cartons yesterday. I can have a little every day. It's going to be there, so I can always have more. One of the girls in the ISU study suggested cottage cheese on an english muffin with jam. I don't like sweet so much with my cottage cheese, so this morning I had a lightly butter sourdough english muffin with 2/3 cup cottage cheese. A little bland. Tomorrow, I will add something else. Maybe some bacon, or perhaps some pasta sauce. I know, sounds weird, but I like weird.

3.13.08

2008-03-13T22:03:00.002-04:00

We went for another walk today. This time around the outside of Collett Park, which is about a mile. I really enjoyed it. It has been SOOOOOOOOO stressful at work, and it was good to get outside and walk it off. Shake off all the work ickies. Plus a nice time to reconnect w/Sean.

And it was a beautiful day today, although it had started clouding up by the time I got off work. It was starting to rain at the end of our walk.

I think we will continue to walk at Collett Park this spring. It's just a few blocks from work, and once we get home, we tend not to walk. As it gets warmer, I can take shorts to change into.

We saw 20 squirrels today! The squirrels at this park are pretty used to people, and don't get too excited.

Eating has been better today. Not so much last night, though. Still feeding the stress.

3.11.08

2008-03-11T22:44:00.003-04:00

Well, my husband yelled at me recently for not updating my blog, so here I am.

Nothing much (good) to report. Although we did take a nice walk at Collett Park tonight. It was the first nice day in a long time. Today wasn't so much about distance as it was just getting out and getting started.

Eating was HORRIBLE last week. I've been stressed out at work, tired, and was PMSing. Bad combo. Haven't even cracked open my mindful eating stuff. I've just been medicating with food.

Haven't been doing many stairs, either. They are hard! But I need to get more in.

That's pretty much it for my excuses.

2.26.08

2008-02-26T20:17:00.002-05:00

WooHoo! I have reached the peak of Mt.Marcy! Yay me!

I actually thought I had hit it at work today, but it turns out that I was 10 steps short; I didn't write down how many steps I needed to complete it. So I just went and climbed up and down the basement stairs.

Tomorrow, I will climb up the stairs to get to the 2nd floor, but I'm not dragging my fat a** up 6 flights. It's hard!!! Some little skinny thing said she did the Mini last year, and the stairs are harder. I don't doubt it!

I also got to move my weight loss ticker. I had been above my "official" start weight for a few weeks. But I finally seem to be getting somewhat of a handle on portion size, and I have managed to lose. Now, as my friend Shauna says, "onward and downward."

2.22.08

2008-02-22T22:13:00.002-05:00

I'm almost at the peak of Mt.Marcy! 458 steps. 2-3 days worth of climbing, depending on how I feel. WooHoo!

We had the first of the sessions for the ISU weight loss study I was in the wait group for last Saturday. It is mindfulness based eating. I think I'm doing pretty good so far. Not perfect, by any means, but I am being much more careful about the portions I eat. Most of the time. Tuesday, I made a very conscious choice to eat for comfort. But it was my choice; it was not an accident, I wasn't out of control; I made the choice. Dinner is still my hardest time not to eat too much. But I'm making progress. We meet again next Saturday.

Weight is still hovering around the same area. I'll be glad when I have a downward change to report. But for now, getting in my stairs and working on portion control is a great start.

2.14.08

2008-02-14T23:41:00.002-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

I wasn't going to post, but since I posted triumphs yesterday, I suppose I should be honest and post not-so-triumphant stuff today. Not completely bad, mind you, but I could have stopped before I did. The basic problem is that I'm up way too late. I'm a late night girl forced into an early morning world. So I'm up watching a couple of hours of tv after choir rehearsal (although not Survivor, because for some reason my DVR didn't record it), and I go to put up the leftovers from dinner. Had to pick the rest of the chicken off the bone. It's after 11, and I'm actually hungry, and there was a biscuit left (I had 3 at dinner!), so I ate it with some butter. If I had stopped there, it would have been fine. But there were some veggies left, too. Veggies, you say, that's not so bad. But I pitched the carrots and celery, and just ate the potatoes with a LOT of butter and salt. So there, if confession is good for the soul, maybe it will be good for the hips, too!

2.13.08

2008-02-13T22:29:00.002-05:00

I was right. The weight gain was just a bump from a glutoneous week-end. Back to where I was before.

I made some good and bad eating choices today. I had a donut this morning. One of the girls at work also works at a convenience store and makes the donuts, and she brought in heart shaped donuts today. It was yummy! But, I have steadfastly ignored the M&M's another girl put out. I did have 2 Oreos after dinner tonight, but only 2, and I made each one last 6 or 8 bites, and really enjoyed them.

Then, after supper while watching last night's Biggest Loser, I wanted bologna and cheese, just because it was there. I wasn't hungry. So instead, I drank a lot of water and got out my stability ball. I did 70 crunches, and 3 sets of 15 each of biceps curls, skull crushers, chest presses and butterflies on the ball. Then I called a girlfriend (Hi Shauna!) to get some strokes for making good choices. (Thanks, Shauna!) When we got done talking, I was actually hungry, so I headed for the kitchen. But instead of the bologna and cheese, I had a Dannon Frusion Smoothie. Strawberry blend. In the past, I have found bottled yogurt smoothies too thick, and a little gross. But these were on sale last week 10 for $10, so I bought a couple. I hope they're still on sale, because they are a good snack option to have around. 260 calories, 3.5g fat.

2.11.07

2008-02-11T19:51:00.001-05:00

My eating has gone much better today. In part, due to the number I saw on the scale today. UGH!!!! I will not post that number, as I hope it doesn't stay around. I hope to be back to the similarly ugly, yet slightly better number I posted as my new starting weight soon.

Gotta go watch the puppies now!

2.9.08

2008-02-09T22:22:00.000-05:00

As you can see, I'm over half way to Mt.Marcy. I'm pretty excited. And I think I'm about ready to change my eating. I'm really unhappy with myself, and I think I'm ready to do something about it. I bought some fruit, and some yogurt, as an excuse to have healthy snackage around. I'm I'm starting back with the no second helpings. Not so much last night, though. I subbed at bunco, and ate like a pig. But that was yesterday, and today is today. I've done a bit better today.

BTW, the knee was fine the next day. Just something weird, I guess. I need to start adding in some other exercise, too.

2.6.08

2008-02-06T23:36:00.000-05:00

Tonight, for the first time in a long time, I didn't eat after dinner, when I wasn't really hungry, just because it was there. It feels good to exercise a little bit of control. I did want to eat, but since I'm not hungry, I talked myself out of it. Pats on the back for me!

I only did 150 stairs today. I did those before work. Sometime mid-morning, my right knee had some sharp pains when getting up and down out of my chair. I took some ibuprofen, and it felt better, but still slightly wonky, so I didn't do any stairs at lunch. I'll start back in tomorrow morning, and see how it feels. I'm really surprised I don't have constant knee pain, considering the weight I'm making them lug around.

2.1.08

2008-02-01T22:03:00.000-05:00

The stair climbing is going really well. My beginning goal was 200 steps daily. Next week, when I go back to work on Tuesday, I'm going to increase that to 300 steps daily, which is the entire building twice. I'll give that a little while, and then may increase it again. My recovery time is getting better, and I am going a bit faster. I'm still stopping every other flight. I hope to increase that to 3 flights before I stop by the end of the 6 weeks.

My eating is not going so well. I have faced the fact that I don't really want to change my eating right now. I think as I continue the stair climbing and get back into exercising that my attitude will change. But that's just where I am right now.

1.21.08

2008-01-21T20:15:00.000-05:00

Well, I started my ascent on Mt. Marcy today. The fitness center in the building I work at is sponsoring a Climb to Fitness contest. Details are below.

The P.O.B. has 150 steps or “feet” and the Hospital has 128 steps or “feet” in the main stairwell. Participants are to count their steps throughout the day and turn in a weekly log by email or at the front desk of the Fitness Center. The daily log should be in “feet” or steps taken. During this six week program, for every peak you conquer, you will receive a t-shirt with that peak’s name.

Three mountain peaks will represent each level.

Mount Marcy – elevation 5,344 feet
(178 steps daily, 5 days/week for 6 weeks)

Mount Marcy, at 5,344 ft (1,629 m), is the highest mountain in the Adirondack Mountain Range and the highest point in New York State. It is a popular destination for hikers due to its stature and great views, and the peak can get very crowded in the summer months. The mountain is located in the heart of the Adirondack High Peaks Region in the High Peaks Wilderness Area.

Mount St. Elias – elevation 18,008 feet
(600 steps daily, 5 days/week for 6 weeks)

Mount Saint Elias is the second highest mountain in both the United States and Canada, being situated on the Alaska and Yukon border. The U.S. side of the mountain is located within Wrangell-St. Elias National Park and Preserve, while the Canadian side is part of Kluane National Park. It lies about 25 miles (40 km) southwest of Mount Logan, the highest mountain in Canada.

Mount Everest – elevation 29,028 feet
(1040 steps daily, 5 days/week for 6 weeks)

Mount Everest, also called Chomolungma or Qomolangma (Tibetan: ཇོ་མོ་གླང་མ) or Sagarmatha (Nepali: सगरमाथा) is the highest mountain on Earth, as measured by the height of its summit above sea level. The mountain, which is part of the Himalaya range in High Asia, is located on the border between Nepal and Tibet, China. By the end of the 2006 climbing season there had been 3,050 ascents to the summit by 2,062 individuals, and at least 630 more ascents in 2007. There have been more than 200 deaths on the mountain, where conditions are so difficult that most corpses have been left where they fell; some are visible from standard climbing routes.

I may climb more that the 5344 feet, but I don't think I'll make it to Mt. St. Elias. Still, I figure this will get me off of my butt and back into exercising. Today went pretty well, with 202 steps. We'll see how sore I am tomorrow. I plan to do about 200 steps/day, breaking it up into 2 sessions.

1.9.08

2008-01-09T21:08:00.001-05:00

Well, in a day where I have eaten a bit too much, but not as much as this week-end, I have made a few good choices. Right now, as I type, I am sitting on my stability ball. More on that later. Earlier today, I was feeling stressed at work. As usual. But I reminded myself that eating a donut would do nothing to relieve my stress, and would probably just add to it. After lunch, I wanted something sweet. But I just sat there a while, and then I didn't want it anymore. And after dinner tonight, I wanted something sweet. But instead of the chocolate donettes I wanted, I opted for a grape water flavor thingie. I thought about having a skinny cow ice cream sandwich, but I had the grape instead.

I did weigh today. I'm not going to post it. I ate a lot of salty stuff in the last 2 days, and I hope that is some explanation. Technically, Friday is the day I posted my weight, so maybe I'll weigh again then.

So, about this stability ball. I got the Gold's Gym Stayball at WalMart. Nineteen bucks, and I've always wanted one. I looked EVERYWHERE on the box to see if there was a weight restriction. It said for this through that height, but no mention of weight. It also says it is burst resistant. So I'm thinking I'm okay. I get it home and inflate it last night. When I open up the instructions to inflate, found deep within the box in a little bitty bag, it says "not for use by persons over 250 lbs." WHAT!!! Bite my big white a**!!!! If there is a weight restriction, it should be on the OUTSIDE of the box. I decided, what the heck, if it bursts I'm only out $19, so I gave it a shot. And since none of you heard a sonic boom, you can assume it has so far remained intact. I am going to send Gold's Gym an e-mail, though. I'm trying to get fit; make it easier for me, not harder.

So I did 55 crunches on the ball; 25 straight on and 10 toward each side. 15 hamstring curls, where you start with the ball under your calves and roll it up toward your butt, and 5 ball transfers, where you pass the ball from your legs to your arms and over your head and back. It's harder than it sounds, especially after the crunches. I just stretched some, too. My upper abs started getting sore this afternoon, so I must have done something right!

1.8.08

2008-01-08T19:41:00.000-05:00

The devotional I read today addresses depression, but it applies to my eating, too. And is pretty much what we studied in Scale Down. As a man thinks, so he is. (Prov. 23:7). I think that I will never lose the weight. I think that I cannot eat proper, healthy portions of healthy food, so I don’t. Can I really change my thinking?

Lord, help. I want to be healthy and thinner, but I don’t want to do the work. Can you change my attitude, so that I will do the work?

“We allow our minds to drift. We do not take charge of our thinking processes. We are undisciplined mentally. Undisciplined thinking will always flows to our greatest weaknesses. The human mind will always set itself on something! We just have to decide what the setting will be. A mind filled with wrong thinking becomes fertile soil for temptations of all kind.”

My greatest weakness: food. Or really, comfort. The temporary, fleeting comfort that food brings. Why do I trade that for the disappointment that lingers much longer? The dissatisfaction that is pretty much always there? What should I do, where should I turn for that comfort instead? Yes, I know, Jesus. But you can’t usually touch and feel and see and smell him. I need something immediate. Can he be that immediate comfort if I let him? I hope so.

1.7.08

2008-01-07T21:38:00.000-05:00

Over-ate from Saturday night all through Sunday. Did better today, though, except for a too-large snack before I left work.

I bought an exercise ball tonight. It looks like a large part of the exercise will be inflating the thing by hand! Since tomorrow is Biggest Loser, I'll inflate/use it then.

1.4.08

2008-01-05T00:04:00.000-05:00

351.3

Yes, I am weighing too often. But I really wanted to see that number go down. I will not weigh again until next Wednesday, which is my next official weigh-in day.

Still no exercise, but doing well with no second helpings. And my devotional time, which is really the foundation for everything.

1.3.08

2008-01-03T22:00:00.000-05:00

353.1

I did weigh in yesterday, and I was right; it wasn't pretty. I weighed again this morning, and it was no better, so I'm posting it. And I've adjusted my ticker for a new start weight.

I did well in eating yesterday, until I got home. That is my hardest time. I was thinking about it last night, and I don't know if it is that it is so hard not to eat, but that it is so easy to eat. I HAVE to change that. I need to keep myself busy. Yesterday, it was a comfort thing, because I wasn't feeling well. So I should go snuggle w/Sean to get that comfort fix!

I didn't exercise yesterday since I didn't feel well. Still not feeling so well tonight; felt kinda feverish after work, so no exercise. I know, it's just an excuse. But I didn't overeat today, so that is a victory!

1.1.08

2008-01-01T23:29:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

I have started off the new year trying to do some things right. I did overeat breakfast and lunch, but did really well for dinner. I have drank almost 3 liters of water today, too.

I watched Biggest Loser tonight. I'm rooting for Betty Sue & Ali. And this season, instead of eating (!!!!!) while watching, I am going to work out. I did 3 sets 15 each of bicep curls, overhead triceps extensions, butterflies and overhead shoulder presses, with 10 lb weights. I also did some stretching and 70 crunches.

So, working on the whole small changes add up to big differences principle, my small changes for this week are:

1) no second helpings (sound familiar?)
2) exercise at least 3 times, for at least 20 minutes

I'm trying to be realistic and set achievable goals.

I am going to weigh in tomorrow. It will not be pretty.

I took some Biggest Loser style pictures tonight. They ARE NOT for public consumption. Maybe someday. But for now, they're just for my comparison. I will do measurements, too.

12/10/07

2007-12-10T21:50:00.000-05:00

The last time I weighed was about a week ago. I weighed 347.3 on 11/21, and was within .1 lb last week. If I can maintain over the holidays, with my lack of exercise and over abundance of eating, I'll be quite happy.

I had 3 things I wanted to achieve today:

1) Get ready in a timely fashion in the morning.
2) Not binge
3) Do what yesterday's scripture said:
Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities,
to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to
slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to
show true humility toward all men.
Titus 3:1-2

I kinda achieved 1; Sean wanted to hit the snooze. And I did okay with 2, until after work. I let myself get too hungry, and I ate too much before dinner. Then I ate dinner, too. Too full. I think I achieved 3.

On a completely unrelated note, I bought a FABULOUS new pair of shoes Saturday night at Wal-mart.

11/29/07

2007-11-29T23:01:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!

Here are some pix of my latest crafty projects.

This is a wreath I made using pink (!!) poinsettias and an assortment of vintage clip and screw back earrings. It hang in my cube at work.

This is this year's version of the Glama tree, the ornaments of which were gifted to me by my friend Shauna.

11/19/07

2007-11-19T22:57:00.000-05:00

We finished up Scale Down for this session on Thursday. We did DDR after the class session, which was fun as always, and a good work-out. My eating is still up and down, but I do feel I have learned a lot in the class. Nothing that will change me overnight, but I am trying to implement small changes to add up over time. The biggest one, and the one I am really focusing on this week, is getting my devotional time in. Everything, including my eating, goes better when I do this. I am better equipped to deal with whatever ever life brings.

I bought cottage cheese and chip dip again this week-end. I REALLY wanted to eat it all in one setting. But instead, I portioned it out into 3 servings. I am enjoying it just as much; maybe even more, since I did what I said I would do! I did eat too many potato chips at one time. Next time, instead of eating them out of the bag, I will portion them out, too.

Today at lunch, I wanted something sweet after I had my soup. We have full sized candy bars in the drawer up front, and I thought about getting one. However, I wasn't feeling that hungry. I got 1 small piece of Dove dark chocolate, and ate it in about 6 bites or so, and just let it melt in my mouth. Wonderful, and very satisfying.

The next thing I need to work on is getting my exercise in regularly. I know I should do something tonight, but don't know if I will have the time. I need to start making the time.

11/10/07

2007-11-10T22:43:00.000-05:00

(this first section is from 11/9)

I'm going to bunco tonight. Dice game played by a bunch of women. An excuse to get together and gab and eat. And I want to eat. A lot. Everyone brings nummy snacks. And usually, I eat a ton. But tonight, despite my desires, I'm going to make a plan to limit my eating. The hostess wants to limit hers, too. We are each only going to have one plate of snacks. I'm going to eat a snack right after work, so I won't be starving at bunco. At bunco, I'm only going to get the things I really love. I am going to eat them slowly, not gobble them down. Small bites. I may stop and get some decaf coffee on the way, and some flavored syrup. And I'll take skim milk to put in it. If not, I'll take a big water bottle, so I can fill up on that. This is not what I want to do. I want to stuff myself. But I have to start making some better choices. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I am going to climb 4 flights of stairs at lunch, and do 30 wall push-ups and some calf raises on the stairs. I already did 10 push-ups back at the endo desk. It was lower, and harder to do the push-ups.

(flash forward to today)

Well, I met my goal half-way. I did the work-out I intended to do. I ate before bunco, and had 1 plate of snacks at the beginning that I ate slowly and thoroughly enjoyed. I drank 2 bottles of water. But, at the end of the night, I ate too much taco dip with crackers. Still, an improvement from when I normally eat all night.

Today has pretty much been a cheat day. Oh well. Back on track, not tomorrow, but starting right now.

11/7/07

2007-11-07T22:02:00.000-05:00

Eating was okay today. I didn't go do DDR. I having some lower intestinal issues, and jumping around is the last thing I feel like doing.

I was kinda sore from my last 2 workouts today, which I take as a good sign. 1 dose of ibuprofen took care of it, though.

11/6/07

2007-11-06T22:35:00.000-05:00

What, a post 2 days in a row!

I over-ate at lunch today, but the rest of the day's eating was good.

Before I ate lunch, I did 4 flights of stairs, stopping after 2 to do a set of 15 calf raises on each leg on the steps. At the end of the 4 flights, I did 30 wall push-ups, in sets of 10, some stretching, and 1 song's worth of cardio stuff.

I don't want to get too cocky, but I think I'm getting in a groove. I'm actually motivated to exercise, and doing well at eating better. I started doing my devotionals again, too. Coincidence?

11/5/07

2007-11-05T19:53:00.000-05:00

348.1

I went ahead and weighted this morning. Probably won't weigh again for a month or so. I did not do any weights during the football game yesterday. However, I took my resistance band to work today. At lunch I did 2 sets of 15 each of biceps curls, chest press, triceps extension and overhead press. I also did 2 sets 15 each of squats and calf raises w/no band. Lunch is really the best time for me to get in exercise, so I'm going to try to start doing 3 days a week of something at lunch. Tomorrow will be something cardio. I'm going to Steph's again on Wednesday night to DDR.

Eating was better this week-end. I tried an experiment, and bought a 24 oz cottage cheese, 16 oz french onion dip, and chips to see if I could exercise some portion control and self control. Normally, that is a 1 serving deal. I did make it last for 2 servings, and the dip 3. Next time I buy it, I'll go for 3 servings. We made some deer stew this week-end. Lots of veggies, and the deer is very lean. And I actually ate an apple yesterday. These steps sound small, but they are a lot for me. And small steps, done consistently over time, will make big changes.

*************************************
It's now after dinner. We went to Olive Garden. We limited ourselves to 3 bread sticks each, which is great improvement for me. I had the stuffed chicken prosciutto. It was nummy. Then, for dessert, we stopped at a new coffee bar, Juiced Cafe, and I got a decaf w/sugar-free hazelnut and skim milk. I am full, but not over-stuffed. We spent about an hour on dinner, and had a relaxed, wonderful date.

11/3/07

2007-11-03T21:48:00.000-04:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I haven't weighed myself; one of the principles in Scale Down is not to be tied down to the scales. Go by how your clothes fit and what your measurements are. Also, I know there's not been much progress, so that's why I haven't weighed, either. I'm not sure I'm ready to give up the encouragement of the scale. However, I can live without the DIScouragement of the scale, so we'll see. Basically I'm not weighing, but not necessarily for the right reasons.

My eating has been better this week than last. I'm really working on smaller portions, more fiber, and eating slowly and savoring my food. Evenings are still my hardest times.

I did DDR with my friend Steph Wednesday night, and did stretching and 100 crunches while watching tv last night. I think I'll do some weights while watching football tomorrow. GO COLTS!!!!!

10/6/07

2007-10-06T20:17:00.000-04:00

343

Consistently down the last 2 weeks. I am pleased. Some the the stuff in Scale Down must be sticking. It was a little overwhelming at first, because I want to do everything right, all at once. But I can't. And Danna emphasises doing a few things well and consistently to make lasting changes. Once you get those down, add something else.

Sean and I did Race for the Cure this morning. We did the 1 mile fun walk. It was HOT! But it is beautiful on the campus of St.Mary's. Lots of us from scale down did the walk. The leader of our group encouraged us to use this as a start to adding exercise to our routines. She is going to walk 2 more times before we meet next Thursday. I committed to exercising 2 more times as well. Might be walking or DDR, might be weights, or some combo.

9/29/07

2007-09-29T20:32:00.000-04:00

The following was written 9/26:

344.7

Down a little bit. We have started a Bible Study group to study a book called Scale Down by Danna Demetre. She has no prescribed eating plan, but emphasises small changes over time that add up and make a change in lifestyle. The cover says "overcome bad habits, energize your lifestyle, renew your spirit, burn fat efficiently and lose weight for life!" Basically, replace your bad habits with good, change the way you think, and burn more calories that you take in. This week, we are working on 3 ways we can decrease the amount we eat, and 3 ways we can increase our activity. I've done better on the activity than the eating. One of my goals is no second helpings, but that is so hard for me. I did manage to achieve it yesterday. My other 2 eating goals are sugar free mints and gum, and more fruits and veggies. I've done better with my physical goals. I have climbed at least 1 flight of stairs each day, I am doing calf raises at the credit card machine, and parking farther away. Our group meets again on Thursday night.

9/29

Intentionally, willfully overate last night. But, it was just one meal, and I have not used it as an excuse to overeat today. As a matter of fact, I made a couple of really good choices today in not eating large quantities.

I am finding myself being a little resistant to change. Here's what I wrote in an e-mail to the other Scale Down Chix:

I seem to be finding that I am a little resistant to making changes. I know what is right to do, but am being a bit of a rebellious brat in doing it. But, I think it is probably part of making the changes in mind-set and life-style. I will take a while, but I am confident that God will do it if I let him. He who began a good work in me (us!) will be faithful to complete it.

9/20/07

2007-09-20T06:51:00.000-04:00

(this was all typed 9/19)

345.5

UGH! Hopefully it is because I will start my period this week, but I suspect not. I have been feeling more in control of my eating the last few days, except for supper last night. We ate very late, and I was really hungry, so I ate too much. I had a second, huge serving of lasagna. Other than that, I met my goals for yesterday, although I changed a couple of them. I ate 2 servings of fruit, drank 80 oz of water, and worked out. But my knee was sore for some reason, so instead of walking or DDR, I did weights. 3 sets of 15 each of bicep curls, triceps extensions, shoulder press and butterflies. 10 lbs for the bicep and triceps, and 5 for the shoulders and butterflies.

Goals for today: 80 oz of water, NO SECOND HELPINGS, 2 servings of fruit, 4 flights of stairs.

********************************

9/20

Well, I got in the water, the stairs, and 1 serving of fruit. Had seconds, although split over the course of 3 hours or so, and WAY too much ice cream. Evenings remain my hardest time of the day to not over eat.

See that fish up there going backwards? That's me! :(

Goals for today: 80 oz water, 2 servings fruit, NO SECONDS!!!!!

9/17/07

2007-09-17T21:23:00.000-04:00

Goals for today: 80 oz water, no second helpings, 4 flights of stairs, a banana and some applesauce. All met except the water, and that will be met before I go to bed.

My friend Kim did the stairs with me. I had to stop twice, but that is just fine. The sad part is that I was a little sore this morning from my short walk yesterday!

Goals for tomorrow: 80 oz water, no second helpings, a banana, applesauce, 20 minute walk or 20 minutes of DDR.

9/16/07

2007-09-16T20:19:00.000-04:00

I finally watched the first ep of Biggest Loser that I had dvr'ed last night. And inspired by it, I made some goals for today. I have: walked for 20 minutes, eaten 2 servings of fruit, and had no secondhelpings. I am 60 oz into my 80 oz of water, and will have Sean help me do my measurements later tonight. That will get everything on my list accomplished. I'll make a new list for tomorrow. Two things that will remain consistent are 80 oz of water and no second helpings.

9/14/07

2007-09-14T22:04:00.000-04:00

My friends MaryAnn and Chuck came over last night, and we did DDR. We had a ball! I figure I danced for 15-20 minutes all together. Not a lot, but more exercise than most nights.

9/12/07

2007-09-12T23:28:00.000-04:00

340

Pretty much the same as last week. I'm okay with that. The scales I weigh on back in the endo department were digital; today they had been replace by traditional doctor's scales. I don't really think that made any difference in my weight.

We mowed the yard yesterday, so I did get some exercise. I may be doing DDR with girlfriend tomorrow night. Yeah, I know I could do it by myself, but honestly, I probably won't.

On a completely different subject, I made a FABULOUS cover for my wrist rest at work. My skin kinda stuck to it, so I got this gorgeous silky fabric in the remnant bin at Hobby Lobby. I had some left over, so I made 2 memo boards for my walls. Really brightens up the horse stall! (If you saw my office, you'd understand. The desks are set up for patient privacy. Privacy isn't achieved, but we feel like we have stalls.)

PS--My girlfriend Shauna sent me the "Smart is the new Skinny" magnet for one of my 40th b-day presents. Love it!!!!

9/5/07

2007-09-05T22:07:00.000-04:00

339.2

Not as hideous as I expected. And I've made pretty good food choices for most of the day. Perhaps not the most nutritious, but portion-wise, pretty good.

9/4/07

2007-09-04T20:18:00.000-04:00

Last night I read a scripture that rocked my world.

8-10 "'But they rebelled against me, wouldn't listen to a word I said. None got rid of the vile things they were addicted to. They held on to the no-gods of Egypt as if for dear life. I seriously considered inflicting my anger on them in force right there in Egypt. Then I thought better of it. I acted out of who I was, not by how I felt. And I acted in a way that would evoke honor, not blasphemy, from the nations around them, nations who had seen me reveal myself by promising to lead my people out of Egypt. And then I did it: I led them out of Egypt into the desert.

Ezekiel 20:8-10, The Message

I acted out of who I was, not by how I felt. WOW! If I can get a handle on that verse, and actually live it out, it is going to make a difference not only in my eating, but my entire life. I'm a little hesitant to post this on here, because I try so many things and fail. But at least I'm trying. I haven't given up. And by posting here I can have some accountability.

I want to do some further study inspired by this verse. I'm going to research who I am in Christ; list some scriptures to remind myself of who I am and to whom I belong. And I do want to act in a way that brings honor to the God I claim to serve.

So, all that being said, I paid more attention to my eating today, and did will most of the day, except for a too large afternoon snack. But progress, not perfection. I certainly did better that yesterday. I will weigh in tomorrow, and I expect to be horrified by the results. But I'll post them anyhow.

8/24/07

2007-08-24T19:28:00.000-04:00

I've realized that I'm in an "I don't care" mode right now, and that's just going to have to be okay. I'm hovering around the same weight, eating too much and not exercising. When I start eating right again and exercising, the weight will come off again. But for right now, this is where I am.

8/20/07

2007-08-20T17:46:00.000-04:00

338.5 on 8/16.

I was right about the bump being from eating so late.

8/15/07

2007-08-15T22:28:00.000-04:00

342

Okay, I said I was going to be honest even if I didn't like what I saw. I and DEFINITELY didn't like what I saw this morning. Or how I felt. And I wasn't going to post. But, here I am.

I ate supper early last night, so I was hungry again late, and I ate again. Which probably (hopefully) explains the big jump. I am going to weigh again tomorrow. I ate better portions today. I really need to work some exercise in. I did weed-eating yesterday, and planned to mow my half of the yard, but the mower broke. We just borrowed my friend's boy and mower tonight, as it was much hotter and very humid.

8/11/07

2007-08-11T19:44:00.000-04:00

338.9

Down 1.7 since Wed. So much for trying not to weigh every day! And I find it kinda funny that when I am up 1 lb, I can discount it, but when I lose 1 or 2, it's a triumph!

Had planned over-eating last night. I was called to be a sub at Bunco (woo-hoo!), and if you've never played, it's all about the food and fellowship. You kinda have to pick up some food each time you go by the food table. I at reasonably all day, and didn't eat supper, so it would help off set the bunco abundance. And this morning, started back in on reasonable portions and eating only when hungry. I'm going to a cook out tomorrow afternoon, and the plan is to eat a little of each thing that I'd like, but not a ton of anything.

8/8/07

2007-08-08T22:43:00.000-04:00

340.6

About what I expected. I think it is mostly due to the salt last night. I am going to try very hard not to weigh until next Wednesday. I don't need to obsess with the scale. My eating has been good today. Appropriate portions. Only when hungry. I'm having a salad from TGI Friday's for lunch, the Asian Glazed Chicken on Field Greens.

**************************************************************

The salad was quite yummy. The cilantro lime dressing was spicy. I also had some tortilla chips and spinach dip. Reasonable portion. Didn't feel stuffed, just full.

For dinner, I did eat too much. Well, dessert, actually. I ate quite a big portion of key lime pie. But, it wasn't the whole day, just one meal. And, I wanted to get seconds on the chips and dip at lunch, but consciously chose not too. Progress, not perfection.

8/7/07

2007-08-08T06:23:00.000-04:00

I kinda accidentally did well today at lunch, then went a little past pleasantly full. I ordered lunch from a pizza joint with the Pulmo drug rep, but had to go to lunch early and didn't know when my order would get here, so I ate from the other drug rep lunch. And I had a reasonable amount, and was satisfied. Then, my other order didn't come in. Which was just as well. But then I ate a little more at the end of my lunch hour. Just because it was there, free, and tasted good. I gotta stop doing that. I'm past full, but not stuffed and uncomfortable. At least, not physically. Mentally, yes. But still, I'm doing better than last week.

*******************************************************************

The over eating continued in the evening. Had a snack at work I didn't really need. So I didn't snack when I got home from work. But then by the time I made supper, I was too hungry, and ate too much. Plus had quite a bit of salt, which doesn't bode well for my weigh in.

8/6/07

2007-08-06T22:17:00.000-04:00

I did pretty well with my portions today. I thought about what I was eating, and how much. I feel pretty good about it. I didn't feel overly full after any occasion of eating, and with one exception, I only ate when hungry. The one exception was 1 piece of chocolate, a coconut creme. I stopped at one piece, and was satisfied.

I weighed, and am about the same as the last time I recorded my weight. Which makes me think that I had bumped up before I got sick. I'm going to resume my regular Wednesday weigh-ins, and start reporting faithfully again, good or bad.

8/3/07

2007-08-03T19:49:00.000-04:00

Stayed home sick from work today with some stomach thing. Vomiting and diarrhea. Fun.

I've been eating WAY too much lately, and I'm going to try to use this as a new starting point. When I can eat again, I'm going to focus on eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full again. Might as well make something good out of this!

7/25/07

2007-07-25T23:23:00.000-04:00

Got all my water in. Mowed the front yard (hubby always does the back). Ate too much, but especially for my snack after work, was very mindful of and attentive to what I was eating. Really paid attention to and enjoyed the texture of the flat bread wraps I had w/some veggie dip.

Got weighed in and measured body fat for the weight loss study today. I'm going to wait for tomorrow to post weight, but my body fat percentage is 56.3%, and my BMI is 53.1. UGH!!! Nowhere to go but down from there!

7/24/07

2007-07-24T21:57:00.000-04:00

Well, I got in my water. We put off yard work until tomorrow. And I ate way too much.

Tomorrow, I will get in my water, focus on eating mindfully and in reasonable amounts, and if we don't mow the yard, I'll do some weights & abs.

7/23--part 2

2007-07-23T22:50:00.001-04:00

So far so good today. And since I'm getting ready to go to bed soon, I should be fine. Met my eating goals, need a little more water, and didn't exercise, as expected. Tomorrow, we are planning yard work.

We are having a snack-y carry-in at work tomorrow for one of the nurses last day. I'm making hummus, which will be pretty good for me. I am going to have small portions of the things I like. I am not going to eat food just because it is free and it is there. I have a choice.

7/23/07

2007-07-23T06:25:00.000-04:00

I had good intentions last week, but didn't follow through. I did manage to do DDR once, and found out that I am NOT ready for the workout mode. I just kept my feet moving, and did work up a really good sweat. I got all my water in on about half the days. And I did get a fruit or veggie in on most days. But I still ate WAY too much. I continue to blame stress (work) here, but I do have a choice. So today, I start out again. I'm having a smoothie for breakfast, with fat-free yogurt, skim milk, strawberries, a banana and some oj concentrate. I will drink at least 64 oz water. Exercise is iffy today; I have rehearsal tonight, so if I do anything it will have to be at lunch.

I did weigh last week, but didn't like what I saw, so I decided not to post it.

7/16/07

2007-07-16T22:32:00.000-04:00

Did better on my eating today. Ate a little too much at both lunch and dinner, but not as much as I have been eating. I think it was just out of habit; I need to pay attention to what I am eating.

I did get all my water in, and I had a veggie (salad) and some fruit (watermelon).

7/15/07

2007-07-15T23:30:00.000-04:00

I finally got a work-out in. I requested, and received, a DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) mat for my b-day. (DH takes hints very well!) I had found a PS2 disc for it at a yard sale for $1 (!) that I gave to my friend Kelly, and I borrowed it back from her today. I did 6 songs, and worked up a good little sweat. It has a work-out mode, and I'll work up to that.

Now that all the b-day festivities are out of the way, I am going to start setting some goals again. I want to work out at least 3 times this week, with 1 of those time being weights. I am going to drink at least 64 oz of water a day. And I'm going to try very hard to eat at least 1 fruit or veggie (that isn't a potato) each day. I know, I need much more that that, but for me, that is a good start. I bought some baby carrots to munch on today, and some fat free vanilla yogurt and frozen strawberries to make smoothies with. Sean got me a blender at a yard sale this week-end for 50 cents. I think I may have a smoothie for breakfast tomorrow.

Here are some pics from various b-day celebrations. The first one is me and Sean at Olive Garden celebrating his 39th b-day.

This is (l to r) MaryAnn, me and Kim. We went out for brunch at Bob Evans, then shopping at Hobby Lobby.

This is how the girls at work decorated my desk on Friday.

7/11/07

2007-07-11T22:56:00.000-04:00

338.9

Down .6 since last week. And, I did my 3 month blood work today, and my cholesterol is down to 195. WooHoo!

7/7/07

2007-07-07T22:14:00.000-04:00

For some reason, I can't enter anything into the title line.

I did something good today. Something I haven't done in a while. I made some mini-corndogs for the guys playing poker in my basement before I left for my Community Band concert. I love mini-corndogs. Somehow, miniature versions of food seem to taste better than the regular sized versions. Except for mini-corn, which is gross. But anyhow, I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat any! Been awhile since I've done that! By the time I left the concert, I was getting hungry, so I came home and ate. I am full, not stuffed. Good for me!

7/6/07

2007-07-06T23:06:00.000-04:00

339.5.

I'm giving myself 1 more week of indulgence, and then I will buckle down again.

7/4/07

2007-07-04T10:49:00.000-04:00

Happy Independence Day!

I hope you all get to enjoy some fireworks, and tear up a little when you hear the National Anthem and Stars and Stripes Forever. We have much to be grateful for.

Eating has not been too bad the last couple of day. Not necessarily the best nutritional choices, but quantities have been better. Did mow yard Monday, so that made for some exercise.

We played a good concert with the Terre Haute Community Band last night, right before the fireworks. (Ours are on the 3rd, for some reason. Which works out great for me, since I have to go back to work tomorrow.) I love fireworks, and they were pretty good this year.

Couldn't find a link to my new fave treat. Minutemaid soft frozen lemonade. SO GOOD! And only 70 calories and no fat. So refreshing!

7/1/07

2007-07-02T00:12:00.000-04:00

Didn't do a weigh-in this week. I'm off until Thursday, and will weigh then.

I've continued my current routine of stress eating lately. Hopefully, these few days off work will help that situation. And actually, I haven't eaten too terribly the last 2 days. And I did yard work tonight, so that will count as exercise. Cut down a lot of vines and trimmed some trees. Plan on getting the yard mowed tomorrow.

6/22/07

2007-06-22T23:24:00.001-04:00

334.2

Down 1/2 lb from last week. Okay. Goal for next week, well, no specific weight goal. I want to be down. I want to pay more attention to my eating. Eat more slowly. Drink more water. Work out at least 2 times. I think that this is good; I haven't set any goals for a while.

I think part of the reason I am in my funk, mood, don't want to care attitude is that I am not going to reach my 40x40 goal. Like so many other things in my life, I started well, but didn't finish. Except, 40 doesn't have to be the finish line. Yes, it was a goal I had set for myself. And I missed it. And I am going to have to be okay with that. But I can set new goals, and just achieve them in a longer time. I'm still going to be 40 and FABULOUS!!!! My weigh doesn't change that!!!!!

So, I think the combo of stress/running at full steam all the time at work, not reaching my goals, and as much as I try to deny it, the number 40, have all contributed to my lackluster eating habits. I say 40 doesn't bother me, but I look at some other people around me, 40 or younger, and they seem to have accomplished so much more than I have. But let's look at what I have accomplished: I have a good marriage. I have a good paying, albeit currently stressful job. I have a great community of friends. I have started playing horn again, which fills a part of me that had been empty for a quite a while. And I seem to be developing a self-awareness that will serve me well. I have a husband and a core group of friends that help me keep things in perspective. They help me see that I'm both not so bad and not so great! Yeah, so I'm overweight. I'll eventually get to my goals. I do feel that I'm learning a lot along the way. Which may be the most important thing.

Gee, I can be really philosophical at midnight!

Flickr

2007-06-20T23:47:00.001-04:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

6/15/07

2007-06-16T00:06:00.000-04:00

334.8

as of yesterday. Same few pounds, up and down.

Tried to update my weight ticker, but blogspot won't let me use that function right now. Bummer.

Not much to say tonight. I'm sure those of you who stop by here regularly are tired of reading the same old thing, as much as I'm tired of posting the same old thing. Which is why I haven't posted much lately.

It will be okay. I will get past this slump. Just not sure I want to right now.

6/6/07

2007-06-06T18:35:00.000-04:00

333.2.

Down 3.3 lbs since last week. Maybe because I actually worked out, albeit gently, a few times this past week. We took a lovely walk last evening, for about 20 minutes.

I feel like I did well with eating today. Not out of control. Not stuffed. Satisfied. It's a nice feeling!

6/4/07

2007-06-04T23:06:00.000-04:00

Never did make it to the "dirt fest" this week-end. But I can still employ the sharing food plan if I make it to the Vigo County Fair. (Wanna go, Kelly?)

Eating was not so good this week-end. I keep giving in to a "what the heck" attitude. Today was better. Mostly controlled portions. In a significant success, I stopped at 2 pieces of Pizza Hut pizza at lunch, despite the fact that there was much more left. And I stayed in the break room without being desperate to have more. I got out my beading and got busy, and soon realized that I was content with what I had eaten. Yay! I am up too late right now playing on the computer, and I was hungry, because we ate dinner pretty early, since I had Terre Haute Community Band rehearsal tonight. So I got a snack of McDonald's apple dippers, minus the dip. My friend Nate had gotten them by accident yesterday, and left them here for me. A tasty and nutritious snack that I feel good about!

6/2/07

2007-06-02T05:39:00.000-04:00

Wednesday night, I did a Pilate's for beginners DVD that I picked up at Dollar Tree, one of my FAVORITE stores. I thought it was pretty good stretching, but really realized how much so on Thursday, when my quads were quite tender. Especially getting up and down all day getting patients' tickets. Thursday, I mowed the front yard and about 3/4 of the back. Nothing on Friday.

Eating for Thursday was pretty good. Yesterday, not so much. It was very busy at work, and we were short handed. So, looking back, I think it was just stress eating. The day went well, and we all worked together well, but it was non-stop, and carby goodness seemed comforting.

I'm hoping to go with some friends to the Fairbanks Park Art & Music Festival ("Dirt Fest" to the locals) today and enjoy/indulge in some fair food. A couple of friends wanted to go, and it ends this week-end, but we haven't been able to get together yet. I think the plan is that we'll get several things and share, so we won't be completely pigging out.

2007-05-30T19:49:00.000-04:00

336.5

Up 5 lbs since the last time I weighed, 2 weeks ago. I just didn't want to know last week. Not so thrilled with this week, either, but it is about what I expected. I'm sure anyone reading this is getting tired of seeing me post about refocusing, again, but that's what I'm doing, again. And I am revising my 40x40 goal. My birthday is in 6 weeks. I can't lose 36 lbs by then. Even if I had that kind of discipline, I would be hurting myself. And if I did have that kind of discipline, I wouldn't be where I am. So I am shooting for 20 lbs. And that will be 40 lbs total, since October 2005. Not so much, really, but at least the right direction.

I did 100 crunches last night. I plan to do some sort of exercise tonight; not sure what. I know exercise is key to me losing weight, but I just haven't wanted to lately. So I haven't. Back to the discipline again. Which has also been the focus of my devotional time this last week. Part of my reading is in Proverbs, and everything I've been journaling about is discipline. So maybe that's an indication of good things to come.

5/21/07

2007-05-21T22:19:00.000-04:00

Still haven't gotten those rocks moved to the front of the house...

On Saturday, I worked at a Habitat for Humanity build in West Terre Haute. The site supervisor wisely put me in the group not involved with installing windows and doors, or anything that took any actual skills. I shovelled and leveled dirt in the back for the deck, and helped dig post holes. Manually. (note to self: when we put in our deck, RENT A POWER AUGER!!) Wasn't as sore as I expected the next day, except for my hands. It sure felt like a good work-out. Thought I'd plant flowers and move rocks that afternoon, but for some reason I was pooped, so it will wait.

Altogether, I think I did reasonably well with eating this week-end. And particularly today. We'll see what the scales say Wednesday.

5/18/07

2007-05-18T23:24:00.000-04:00

A little progress, a little regression today. And I choose to be okay with that.

Had a REALLY nummy breakfast souffle thingie from Panera this morning. Could have eaten more than one, but I was full, so I didn't need too. Then, while walking past the break room to go to the bathroom, saw all the delicious free food sitting there. More souffles, bagels, fruit and stuff. But I wasn't hungry. So while in the bathroom, I prayed (I do a lot of my prayer there--quiet, solitary--God knows what I'm in there for, so I figure he doesn't care where I'm at!) to resist the food, and eat again when I was full. And I did resist! Yay me! When I was hungry again, I did have 1/2 a souffle. I had salad for lunch, and stopped when I was full, instead of eating it all because it is a "good" food. And since I wanted something sweet to finish the meal, I had fruit instead of some gooey breakfast thing still leftover. Reasonable snack after work, too.

Now to the regression. It was really busy and stressful at work today, and I even said out loud that I'd like to binge, because of the stress. But I decided (also said out loud) that I could still make good choices. Good to start with. But then for supper, I made spaghetti and turkey meatballs. The bad part was the ENTIRE loaf of garlic bread I ate. We stopped at a local spaghetti shop and got 2 loaves of their garlic bread to go with dinner; 1 for each of us. I knew I shouldn't have, but wanted it so I did it anyway.

2/3rds of the day was full of good choices. That is progress, and I will continue with my progress. I can't break 39 years of bad habits in a couple of weeks. But I will break them, in time and with God's help. Again, I choose to be okay with today.

(Okay, I just looked at the nutritional info for the souffle I had. UGH! But fat make food taste good, and it was DELICIOUS!)

5/17/07

2007-05-17T18:19:00.000-04:00

331.4

Not a lot, but downward, so I'm satisfied.

I've been eating past full for the last few days. I've done better today, though. And I actually exercised last night. I did 3 sets 15 each of isolation biceps curls and overhead triceps extensions, both with 10lb weights, and shoulder press and side arm raise with 5lb weights. Tonight we're going to mow, and possible move some rocks for a border in front of the house.

5/14/07

2007-05-14T21:45:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm in the wait list group, or control group, for the study, not the weight loss group. I'm kind of bummed, but I will still get the opportunity to do the program in 10 months or so. And I still get paid. I will go in for more paperwork and blood work periodically. And when they offer me the chance to do the program, I intend to take it. I'm still going to work with the intuitive eating thing, so far as I know it. But I need to check and see if I can actually research it on my own, or if I should just go with what I already know.

For the good news, I'm down 1lb over the week-end. And that's even after I ate breakfast. That's 2 week-ends in a row now that I've either lost or stayed the same. Not much of a streak, yet, but I intend to stretch it out!

Had our first rehearsal for the Terre Haute Community Band tonight. I play French horn, and it has been at least 8 years since I played with any regularity. I think my mouthpiece may be permanently embedded in my lips! I had a lot of fun! Forgot what a work-out it is. We rehearsed for 2 hours. I got a little winded in the last half-hour, and my left arm is really tired. I really expected my right arm, which supports the weight of the horn, to be worse. We rehearse each Monday, and we have concerts every other Saturday evening starting June 9.