2/26/07

Ate poorly most of the week-end. I ate emotionally. And I knew it, too. But I didn't want to stop it. A situation had me a little sad and anxious, and I turned to food instead of God. And the scales will probably reflect it Wednesday.

I am going to fast from potato chips for Lent, too. Sweets don't seem to be such a big deal. I was eating a few, but in fairly controlled portions, such as my 100-calorie packs. However, chips are much more challenging. Sean gets single serving packs when he orders from Footers, but he doesn't usually eat them. So there were 4 packages accumulated on top of the fridge, and I managed to eat all 4 over the course of the week-end. They are a binge-starter for me. So potato chips are out. I've not been so great about limiting bread to breakfast, either. I'll eat a potato chip sandwich! (which is delicious, but TERRIBLE!) So I need to work harder on that, too.

I e-mailed the first 2 paragraphs to myself from work this morning. I'm not sure why it never occurred to me to do that before. I can do it quickly, and get down thoughts as they happen. I may be doing that more often.

Eating went well today. I intended to have some jalapeno cornbread w/supper, which was yummy chili that Sean made. But I forgot, and now have no room for it. So, in a startling and unusual move, I'm NOT GONNA EAT ANY!!!!

I did 20 minutes on the treadmill today. Started out on the weight loss program, but it went too fast too quick, so I switched to manual. Used an incline of 2, top speed of 2.7 or 2.8.

Oh, and the situation I was anxious about worked out fine. God's pretty cool like that.

2/22/07

Did a weight work out today. Arms, chest and lower back. Eating was pretty good until dinner, when I had a couple of unnecessary slices of bread and butter. However, I did not eat the sugar-free Peeps my friend Shauna gave me. (Thank you Easter bunny!) I will save them for my Easter basket. They're made with Splenda, so I doubt there will be much of a difference in taste from the regular ones.

Here's a link to the devotional I did today. The best part starts at about 3/4 down the page, with "Reflections on Lent." As Shauna pointed out on her blog, it's gonna be more than just giving up sweets. For me, it's giving up control, and/or realizing I never had control in the first place. I am the one who has chosen this path; I have said I want Christ to be the leader in my life. So I need to let him lead. The passage in 2 Chronicles really hit home for me. I think too highly of myself and my abilities, and too often. The focus needs to be on Christ. He is the one who has given me anything that I have to offer.

2/21/07

330.9!!!!!!

I really wasn't expecting that. Not sure how it happened, but I'll take it! That makes 8.7 lbs since January 10, and 20.4 lbs since October 2005. Slow going, but definitely the right direction.

Did 20 minutes on the cross trainer today, on the weight loss program. Ate pretty well, too. I'm going to give myself another week on the reduced carbs, then test my blood glucose again.

Speaking of, Sean's fasting was high at his doctor's appointment this week, and his cholesterol and triglycerides were high, too. The doctor has put him on some oral diabetic meds, and he'll do blood work again in 2 weeks. He is trying to make small changes, but we all know how hard lifestyle changes are. I am very proud of him for how he is trying.

Here's the Lenten devotional I'm using. Seems pretty good so far.

2/20/07

Just finished enjoying 2 fat-free chocolate and vanilla pudding cups. I'm giving up sweets for Lent, and wanted one last hurrah. There are obvious health benefits, but I hope spiritual as well. When I want sweets, I can turn to God:


Psalm 34:8 (New International Version)
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 119:102-104 (New International Version)
102 I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me.
103 How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
104 I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.

Last year, I gave up added salt for Lent. Again, health reasons, and to help remember that I am to be the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13)

I am going to make myself a little Easter basket, with some Peeps and Cadbury Mini eggs, to be enjoyed after services Easter Sunday.

I did 20 minutes on the elliptical today, on the interval program. Forgot to take my mp3 player to work, but fortunately I had a good magazine. And no one else was watching the tv near me, so I could watch what I wanted. Which was the local noon news and some garden show.

2/19/07

Didn't do so great with my eating over the week-end. I did manage to climb 5 flights of stairs, one flight at a time, at Casino Aztar Saturday. Anytime I had to go to the bathroom, I made myself go up at least one level.

Starting today, I'm working on limiting my simple carbohydrate consumption. I eat way too many, and need to change that. Had an english muffin with breakfast, then no simple carbs till my snack after work. Potato chips. But, about all that was left in the bag was 1 serving, so at least my portion size was good! Although the portion of queso I ate with it was not so controlled. Had rice w/dinner, but, again, an appropriate portion. My eating goal for tomorrow is to make a better snack choice after work.

Didn't work out today. I went to a doctor's appointment with Sean, and just took a 1/2 hour lunch to make up for some of the time I missed. I will do some sort of cardio tomorrow.

5 Things you didn't know about me

I was just reading through my friend Wendy's blog, and realized that she tagged me to post 5 things you didn't know about me. So here they are:

1) I used to be a D.J. I started at a country station in my home town of Casey, IL, and progressed to WPFR in Terre Haute in my last year or so of college (1989). Back in the day, PFR was THE station in Terre Haute. It's part of how I met my husband.

2) I have 2 tattoos. A treble clef with some tribal stuff above and below, on my right hip just below the pantie line, and 2 treble clefs (see a theme here?) mirror-imaging each other, with some tribal-looking musical notes to either side, on the small of my back.

3) I tried out for Jeopardy. Missed by one. (That's what Alex tells you to say in his video-taped message.) I'll try out again someday.

4) John Travolta was my first crush.

5) I LOVE Barry Manilow!

So now, I'll tag Shauna, Scot, & Jack.

2/14/07

Happy Valentine's Day!

335.5

Exactly the same as last week. Which I suppose is okay. I've not been working out much, and my eating hasn't been great, so at least I didn't gain.

Didn't work out yesterday. We had ice and snow yesterday, and were missing several people at work, so by the time I got to take lunch (1:30) I was pretty hungry and shaky, and just went to eat instead of work out. Today, we were missing even more people. Fortunately, it is a slow patient day, too. We just took 1/2 hour lunches, and I didn't have time to work out. I could have done something, but I really didn't want to. I'll get back on track. Probably not tomorrow. Probably next week. I'll just need to be very careful with my eating.

Speaking of which, a drug rep brought in some yummy V-day cupcakes. I had one, and a piece of a giant frosted cookie someone brought in. I guess I'll be careful tomorrow.

2/12/07

Have you ever been journaling, and what came out of your pen just seem to come from nowhere? That's what happened with me this morning in my life journaling time. Here's what I wrote this morning, after reading Leviticus 18 & 19:

So many rules in Leviticus! But again, they are for our protection, our health and safety. We need boundaries--without them, we would just do whatever felt good, and reap the consequences later.

This applies directly to my eating. I don't want to follow any rules. I want to eat whatever I want, when I want. But that's how I got to where I am today. I've spent 39 years not following the rules--no wonder it's so hard trying to follow them now! But I've got to if I want to reach my goals.

Help me, Lord. You've made guidelines for everything, including how I eat. Help me to eat foods that are good for me, in quantities that are good for me. Help me to get the exercise my body desires. Let the desire for what's good win out over the cravings for what is bad for me.

So that's what's been on my mind today. And I think I was able to put it into practice some. Went to tone and tighten class, where we did an all-over workout. I ate pretty well today, too. And I made a new 40 x 40 bracelet. I've lost the other one. Stupid toggle clasp. Once I sewed the twist into the 40 x 40 section, the toggle didn't want to stay the right direction, and would come off more easily than I would have liked. Which it must have done at some point Friday, which is the last time I remember having it on. So I made a new one, a little different, with a lobster claw clasp. Harder to get on, but also harder to get off. I'll post a pic soon.

2/10/07

(I tried to post this Thursday, but something was wrong with the site. So here goes again)

335.5

Not surprising, considering how I ate over the week-end. How do you stop doing what you know is a bad habit? It is a very difficult habit to break. But I must find a way to do it. Still, I had 3 straight weeks of loss, and I feel confident I can take this off, too. I will be starting my period in a few days, which may make a difference. But I really don't want to blame too much on that. It is more the way I ate over the week-end.

My eating has been better the last 2 days. A couple of sessions of out of control, mindless eating, but not the entire day.

I didn't work out yesterday. Sean is still sick, and I went to the drug store to get him some medicine at lunch. And the medicine seems to be helping. Today, I did 20 minutes on the cross-trainer on the weight loss setting.

(Now to current posting)

I didn't work out yesterday. Sean is still sick, and didn't feel like going to the credit union after work, so I went at lunch. My eating was better during the day, but excessive at night.

2/6/07

Well, the detox went well during the day. I had a bit of a headache, but that may have been from the weather. We got 4 or 5 inches of snow. Which, as a side note, resulted in me getting some exercise in. Since it was a light, fluffy snow, I shoveled (more pushed) our front walk, and the neighbor's walks on either side. I was rewarded with stickers from my neighbor girls! And I did a path through our back yard to the drive. Didn't take long, but did work up a little sweat.

So, by the time I got home from work and got the shovelling done, I was STARVING. I had 2 big bowls of chili, with too much cheese and sour cream. I ate way past full; it just tasted so good. I have to break that habit. It is just a habit. I need to slow down, and stop when I'm full.

I read some more of my eating mindfully book at lunch today, and I hope I can apply some of the techniques from it.

2/5/07

Ate WAY too much while watching the super bowl last night. YAY COLTS! Ate a little too much today, which I took off work because I knew I'd be up too late after the game. So, tomorrow I'm going to do a detox of sorts, to help get back on track. I've got a couple of Fuze Slenderize juices, and I'll have soup for lunch, and drink a lot of water. Sean is sick, and hasn't wanted much to eat, so we'll probably have something light, like soup, for supper. Since I'm not going to eat (much), I'm not going to work out. I'll pick that up again on Wednesday. I'll do some weights tonight while I'm watching Two and a Half Men and Rules of Engagement.

2/3/07

Did a weight work out yesterday. I was in a much better mood, but didn't get to go to lunch until about 1, so didn't go to class. I did run in to Rebecca, one of the teachers of tone and tighten, and filled her in on where I've been this week. I don't have to answer to them, but it does help keep me accountable. We'll see what next week brings. If I still don't feel like going to class, I'll do machines. So long as I'm doing something, it will be alright.

Had a wonderful dinner with my friend Kim last night at Harry & Bud's before going to see Hello Dolly at the Community Theater. I had spinach and basil pesto soup to start, and a pasta with sun dried tomatoes and mushroom ragout. FABULOUS! The soup was served with a thick slice of bread with a tomato chutney. If you like dill, you have to try their chicken salad. Enough for at least 2 people. They call it a sandwich, but it is impossible to eat as such; you must use a fork.

The Super Bowl party at church has been cancelled. I'm still going to make my chili, and take it to Kevin and Kelly's to watch the game after church. We have watched all of the play-off games there, with great results for the Colts, so I have high hopes!

2/1/07

Weighed in yesterday at 333.3. Only .8 lb, but 6.3 lbs in the last 3 weeks. Very happy with that!

I was kinda expecting a gain, as I've been eating too much this week, but very pleased to see the loss. I am on track so far to reach my goal of 40 by 40.

SOOOOOOOOOOO didn't want to work out yesterday or today, but talked myself into it. Won't get to my goals without working out. Didn't want to go to class yesterday; just wasn't in the mood to do a bunch of stuff I didn't want to do like lunges and squats and the stairs. So I did 20 minutes on the treadmill. Incline of 1 the whole time, and max speed of 2.7 or 2.8 or so. Today I did 20 minutes on the elliptical on a program that went up and stayed there, then down and up and stayed there again, then finished down.

I'm just kinda in a funk with not wanting to work out right now. So I'm just trying to keep talking myself in to going, even when I don't want too. I changed my birth control about 3 weeks ago, and I wonder if that is contributing to my moodiness. I doesn't seem to be all the time; mostly when it comes time to work out. I suppose could be the cold, kinda dreary weather. Or I might just be lazy. Whatever it is, I'm still gonna shoot for at least 4 days a week.

I feel like eating a lot lately, too. Last night, after Art Reach, I went to Wal-mart. I wasn't hungry. But just because I had money, I wanted to get a snack. And not something healthy. And a lot of whatever it was. But, I got to shopping in the bead section, and walked out with just beads and a bunch of bananas for breakfasts. Distraction to the rescue! I did end up snacking, but at least I fought of the urge for a little while. And saved my money.

So I guess I need to re-focus. Which may be difficult what with the Super Bowl party/chili cook-off at church Sunday. I'll take some diet soda, and maybe a couple of 100 calorie candy bars to share. [I'll only eat one, promise ;^)]

1/29/07

Did better with eating yesterday, and even better today. Made some good snacking choices, both calorie and content-wise.

Did tone and tighten today. We did the stairs, and then an overall body work-out. I had a feeling we'd do the stairs, and I prayed to have a good attitude and not grumble. Do I like doing the stairs? NO. Am I grateful that I can? YES. Lots of people would love to be healthy and able to move. I'm glad I can see improvement in my abilities. So buck up and do the stairs, whiner!

1/27/07

Did 20 minutes on the cross-trainer Thursday, on interval mode. Took yesterday off. Had lunch with my friend Kim. Took yesterday off from careful eating, too. Intentionally. And enjoyed it. I'm back to careful eating today, and enjoying that, too!

1/24/07

334.1!!!!!

I was NOT expecting an (almost) 3lb loss when I got on the scales this morning. I was actually expecting a gain, but hoping for a push. But I was wildly surprised. It must be the working out; I know my eating wasn't very good for 3 days in a row. Very cool.

What was not so cool is my blood sugar. I've periodically been testing my fasting blood sugar. Today it was 147 or so. Not good. I tested it again about 2 hours after breakfast, and it was 176. Which isn't too bad if you're diabetic, but since I'm not, it was lousy. I'm headed in the right direction: eating smaller portions, exercising, losing weight. But my favorite foods are carbohydrates. And I need to eat less and better of them. Sean's blood sugar is bad too; he has an appointment to see the doctor about it next month. So I'm going to start working on healthier choices, and hope that my choices will influence his.

Speaking of influencing one another, Sean did me a big favor last night. At dinner, I asked if he would get me some more potato chips (see, carbs; yummy!). He said no. More chips would not get me to 40 by 40. And he was right. And I needed that voice of reason right then. I told him several times that he was right and that I was grateful. I'm responsible for my own choices, but it is nice to have help when you need it.

I did 20 minutes on the cross trainer on the weight loss program today. I'll probably do weights again tomorrow.

1/23/07

Sorry it's been so long. It's been a busy week.

We had our Chix retreat for ladies from church this weekend at the Brown County Inn in Nashville, IN. It was great! Very refreshing. I didn't eat real carefully, though. Nor did I eat carefully when I got home Saturday night, or Sunday while watching the Colts beat the Patriots, or Monday, for that matter. Today was much better. But, taking all that into consideration, I don't have high hopes for tomorrow's weigh-in. I just kinda went on auto-pilot, and didn't exercise any control. So, I'll probably reap what I sowed.

Back to working out yesterday. I rolled my ankle Sunday while cleaning the snow off the Explorer, and it still hurt yesterday, so I did a weight work-out. Today I did 20 minutes on the elliptical on the interval program. Tomorrow will be class or something aerobic.

1/16/07

337!

Down 2.6 lbs from last week. WooHoo! Yes, I weighed in a day early, but I had a good feeling. And I was right. Yay!

Haven't done my crunches and stretching yet, but will before I go to bed.

Had a nice lunch with my friend Kim today. A drug rep brought in lunch: salad, chicken tortellini with A LOT of cheese, and some sort of berry cobbler, and rolls. I filled up most of my plate with salad, and had just one good-sized serving spoon full of the chicken tortellini. No cobbler or rolls. I tried to put my fork down between each bite, and did so most of the time. I drank a lot of water, too.

1/15/07

Went to tone and tighten class today. We did legs and abs.

Eating went well today. I felt in control. Still room for improvement, especially at supper.

I'm having lunch with my friend Kim tomorrow, so I won't be working out at lunch. However, I will do some ab work and stretching at home.

1/13/07

I did it! I went to watch football at Kevin & Kelly's, and I made good food choices. And the Colts won. Go Colts!

I only had a few chips, maybe 10 or so, with a lot of salsa and a little spinach and artichoke dip. I had one of Kelly's delicious, generously sized enchiladas, and some rice and a piece of jalapeno corn bread. I was very satisfied with what I ate, but wanted another enchilada because they were so good. But instead, I just sat in the living room and watched the game. Then Kelly and I engaged in some good conversation about our shared food issues. It's good to know that other people share your struggle. I did allow myself a yummy brownie, with 2 small scoops of ice cream and a little whipped cream. I know, that doesn't sound like such a good choice. But I wasn't pigging out all night; I was in control. It really helped being with people who will help me be accountable. (Thanks, Kelly.)

Also, since I didn't eat a ton, there were enchiladas left over (not that I would have eaten all of them!) and Kelly sent a couple home with us. So, I still get my extra one, just at an appropriate time.

I'm up too late now, and kinda feeling like I want something to eat. I don't know that I'm actually hungry. So I'm drinking some water and trying to get my mind off it. I had to turn the channel from Food Network tonight while watching tv; it was making me want to eat.

1/12/07

I did something today that I've never done before. I climbed 4 flights of stairs without stopping! WooHoo! We started tone and tighten class today w/the stairs, and I was less than thrilled. But, once I did it with no breaks, I felt great about it! I was breathing like a racehorse for the rest of class, but I did it! Now, mind you, no one cares if I take a break. Every one, instructors and students alike, are SO supportive of me. They acknowledge and encourage me to adapt moves I can't do (yet) and to make substitutions, and to take breaks when needed. That is one of the things I really like about the fitness center. Lots of support and encouragement. And lots of different body types. Sure, there are hard bodies and buff folks, but there are fat people and old people and everything else. I don't think I've ever felt intimidated by anyone there.

Eating has been better, more controlled the last 2 days. I am considering my choices, and not just eating mindlessly.

1/10/07

339.8

Up 1lb. Hopefully, I can blame it on getting ready to start my period.

I have been controlled with my eating today. Good portion control. Had dinner before Art Reach, and kinda wanted a snack when I got home. And I have some 100 calorie packs of cookies, which wouldn't be too bad for me. But, if I just have my cup of hot tea, it adds NO calories, and will still probably satisfy me. And that's 100 less calories consumed. And a feeling of accomplishment.

Went to tone and tighten class. We did the stairs (4 flights), and an overall body work-out. Tomorrow will be cardio of some sort.

1/9/07

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I did work out on Friday; went to tone and tighten class, where we did butts and abs. Didn't do anything Saturday and Sunday. Monday, I had a doctor's apt, so I used part of my lunch for that. But I did pretty well with my eating. And my doctor was pleased with my weight loss. Today, I didn't feel well. Have a cold again. So I didn't work out. But, I was careful with my eating. Had a grilled chicken salad. Too much salad dressing, though. I will weigh in tomorrow. Was up a pound at the doctor's office Monday, but I hope it was water gain from the Chinese food I ate Sunday for dinner. I had a LOT of soy sauce. I know, it sounds like a lot of excuses. And it is. But in my slacking, I have made some good choices.

Below is a picture of a bracelet I made. I call it my "40 x 40" bracelet. I'm going to use it to remind myself of my goal of losing 40 pounds by the time I turn 40, which is 6 months from Saturday. There are 2 rows of 40 silver-lined glass beads [40 by 40, get it?! ;^)] between the 2 ruby jade stones. The rest is silver beads and liquid silver twisted tubes.

One of the thoughts that ran through my head was, I have until Saturday. I can eat all I want until then. But, that's what has gotten me here in the first place. Putting off what I want someday for what I want right now. Well, someday is almost here. So I'm going to do my best to make good choices now. Saturday will include some challenges, as we are going to a friend's house to watch the Colts play the Ravens in the playoffs, but I will eat a small breakfast, and really watch my portions during the game. Kelly, if your reading this, remind me of this on Saturday!

1/3/07

338.3

And that's before the gastro-intestinal virus hit. I should go weigh now!

Planned on working out today. Didn't want to, but planned on it anyway. Then I started getting stomach cramps. And everything exiting my body was liquid. Left work early, took some pepto and went to bed. Dinner seems to be doing okay; just some mild stomach cramping. Not sure if I'm going to work tomorrow or not; we'll see what the morning brings.

1/1/07

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am currently drinking a cup of hot tea, because I really wanted something to eat. I'm not hungry, mind you. Just wanted something. So a nice soothing cup of lemon tea will help my belly feel full, and give me something to do with my hands.

While devoting and journaling this morning, I realized that the goals I have set for myself this year (not resolutions, which I will surely break) require discipline and work, and cannot be achieved by myself. I will need help both from God and others. I want to continue to lose weight, eat better and work out, and work on getting out of debt. Both will be rewarding, but challenging. God and I are up to it.

Here's to a happy, healthy, blessed new year!

12/29/06

340.1

Not as bad as when I weighed in on Wednesday, and not as bad as it could have been. Gained 2 lbs over the holidays. Could have been worse.

I had pretty much determined before I went to work today that I wasn't going to work out. I got up late, and didn't devote before leaving work, so I wanted to do it at lunch. If I didn't, I had a sneaking suspicion that I wouldn't at all. And that is a very vital part of my day. I once heard a teacher say that he didn't always remember what he ate for breakfast, but it always nourished him, and that his Bible study time was like that. It is for me, too. And if I do it early in the day, it just sets a better tone for the day. And gives me something to think about most days, too.

I ate pretty well at work, then just carbed out at home. Just felt like I wanted to eat. A lot. That needs to end. I need to explore those feelings, and not just give in to them. I think I was tired, and feeling like, what the heck, I'm up a pound. The new year starts in 2 days; I have to change my habits.

12/27/06

Did 20 minutes on the cross trainer today. Also, did REALLY well with my eating, until I got home. I've got to break the habit (and it is a habit, not a need) of eating just because I am at home, and just because it is there. I figure that my combo of good and excessive eating probably balanced each other out, and I didn't lose or gain.

I did weigh today after my work out. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but I'm still gonna wait until Friday for my official weigh-in.

Downloaded some new tunes for my work-out mix. I went to RollingStone magazine's site and checked out their listing of the 100 best songs of the year. I also looked at some stuff on CCM's site and Billboard as well.

12/26/06

Well, the gorge-fest has ended. I have let myself eat whatever, whenever these last few days. It must end. Although, I must say I've enjoyed it, for the most part. But is that really true? Several times I had a hard time deciding what to eat; since I've been eating so much, sometimes nothing really sounded good. I need to let my self get hungry again. And listen to my body for what it wants.

I am not going to weigh-in tomorrow. I'm certain I would not be happy with the results. I'm going to give myself a couple of days to detox, and I'll weigh in on Friday.

I will go the the gym tomorrow. Probably do a cardio machine, or possibly class. We'll see what the day brings.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

12/21/06

Weighed in at 339 yesterday, so I am still maintaining. Up .4 lb, but I'm okay with that.

Didn't work out yesterday or today. This is the last week I plan on letting myself slack off, so I may not work out tomorrow, either. It's been a long week, and I am tired. So I really probably shouldn't be up at 10:30 typing on my blog, but here I am.

12/19/06

Well, I've been sick, and I've been busy.

Got sick with a cold Wednesday evening. And was off from work with Sean, so didn't work out. Didn't feel well enough to want to work out Thursday and Friday.

I did start back on Monday, with 20 minutes on the cross trainer, on the weight loss mode. And today I took a walk out side, from work to Collett Park and back, about 1.2 miles. It was a hectic morning at work; we have a girl out sick, and Tuesday is just a busy day. So it did me much good to get out side and walk the morning off. Got to see some squirrels and fat little sparrows. And a little partly cloudy sunshine.

Weigh-in is tomorrow, so we'll see how I've done on the maintaining.

12/13/06

338.6 (or so)

I have met my goal of maintaining. I weighed after I had eaten, so I may have actually lost a little.

I was going to work out today, but stayed home from work to take Sean to the doctor, so ended up not working out. He was dizzy, and could not walk, so I had to drive him. Dr. thinks it is an acute virus causing vertigo, and gave him some anti-vertigo meds. He is down to just light headed now.

I did work out yesterday. 30 minutes on the elliptical, on a program that started low, went up, back down a little, up the same level, then back down. It seemed much harder, and I wanted to quit after 15 minutes. Pushed on, and then I only had 8 minutes to go, so might as well keep on. Doing the programs instead of the manual, one level thing is definitely challenging me. And that is good. Just hard.

Ate quite a bit at the party tonight. And had 2 cocktails. And desert. Sometimes you just gotta live!

12/11/09

I was kinda beating up on myself during my devotional time this morning. This is the scripture I journaled on:

14-16Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

Hebrews 4:14-16 (Message)

Jesus had food issues? I have a hard time imagining that. Perhaps the temptation and weakness that is like me is doubting that God will supply his needs. Will God supply more of whatever yummy food is calling my name, or should I just go ahead and gobble it all up now? So I need to work on trusting God that there will be more food when I want it. Eat just what I'm hungry for. Stop when I'm full. So much easier said than done.

I have decided to change my goal for this month. I will be content with maintaining my current weight. Good or bad, food is a huge part of holiday celebrations, and I want to stop being concerned with "good" and "bad" eating. I have beat myself up long enough; it is not productive. I will continue to work out, and try not to make a pig of myself, but I am going to enjoy myself, too. And guilt free, as best I can.

That being said, I did eat too much today. I've been feeling moody (PMS), and self-indulgent. Why does this all have to be so hard?

I did work out today. Two sets 15 each of seated chest press, bicep curls, triceps extensions, bent over flys, shoulder press and lower back extension.

12/9/06

Had a good work out this morning. Did 30 minutes on the cross trainer on the weight loss program. I like going up on Saturday mornings. It gets me up and going, and I like not having to go back to work afterwards. It's not rushed. I do like working out in the middle of the work day too, though. It is a great stress relief for bad days, and energizing to boot.

Yesterday I did 20 minutes on the elliptical, on a program that alternated really low and extremely high intensity. The high intensity part really kicked my butt!

Eating today has been okay. Not great, not terrible. No huge splurges. I did manage to eat a piece of fruit today. My goal for the next week or so is to eat at least 1 serving of fruit and 1 serving of veggies each day. Veggies besides potatoes, that is. I don't eat enough fruit or veggies. Once I get the one serving down, I'll increase it.

I've been reading some other blogs, and it is nice to see how normal I am. I'm not the only one who rewards a good eating day with eating. Kinda counter-productive, I know. But at least I'm not the only one with that struggle. Or who eats for any reason; happy, sad, bored, excited, whatever. A lot of us seem to struggle with the same things. I tend to think that I'm entitled to eat a lot. Well, then, I'm entitled to be fat! I need to start thinking that I'm entitled to be healthy and meet my goals.

12/06/06 -goal

338.7.

Down 1.2 lbs from my official weigh-in on Wednesday, and .1 lb from my unofficial weigh-in last Friday. That is okay. I am going to have to revise my goal for the end of the year to 330. And my goal for next week is 2 lbs. I need to take my measurements soon. I do feel, and think, that I am starting to look a little smaller. Measurements will tell.

I did tone and tighten class today. We did arms, shoulders, chest and abs.

12/5/06

Cautiously optimistic about tomorrow's weigh-in. I think I will at least break even, if not lose a little. We shall see.

Monday, went to tone and tighten. We did a little bit of everything, but a lot of lower body. Couldn't figure out why my hips hurt this morning, and then I remembered. Fire hydrants. With a kick. Without a kick. And a lot of other stuff. Today I did 30 minutes on the cross trainer on the weight loss program. I put some Christmas music on my mp3 player, but it was all a little slow to work out to. I need to put some peppier stuff on this week-end.

Eating has been going better. I didn't pig out on Sunday. I've done pretty well so far this week, too. We'll see what the weigh-in brings.

12/2/06

Well, I ate more than I planned to at the party, but not as much as I could have. And I did drink a lot of water. I ate well the rest of the day, too, and I worked out, so I am going to count it as a semi-victory. And the party was a lot of fun!

I did 30 minutes on the treadmill today. Read Vanity Fair, which wasn't so interesting, so the time didn't fly. I really didn't want to be there. I was sore and tired, and a little whiny. And the ellipticals and cross trainer were taken. I figured I could do 15 minutes, and then switch machines. After 15 minutes, I figured I could just keep going. Then it got to be 26 minutes, and I was almost done. I'm grateful that God gives us staying power to do those things that we must, but that we really don't want to do.

12/01/06

Weighed in yesterday at 338.8. So pretty much back to what I was pre-Thanksgiving. Drank A LOT of water and ate better.

Didn't want to work out yesterday, but did anyhow. Did 2 sets 15 each of seated chest press, leg extensions, triceps pull-downs, low back extension, seated shoulder press, bicep curls and butterflies. I can actually get 2 complete sets of 15 in on the shoulder press now. My next goal for that machine is to actually put some weight on it. Right now I'm just doing the machine w/no weights. Didn't work out today. I was tired and a little cranky and just didn't want to. Four days in a row is good, I can take one day off. I am going to go up tomorrow (yes, on Saturday!) and work out. It will get my butt out of bed, and I think it will help me do better at the party. Don't want to waste a work out by eating like a pig!

11/29/06

340

Up 1.7 lbs from last week. Not surprising. I'm not going to set a specific weight goal for next week; just lose. And I'm setting a strategy goal for the week-end. I am going to drink at least 64 oz of water each day. Eating Sunday shouldn't be too much of a problem, as I am singing in both services, and have rehearsal before each as well. Saturday, however, we have the first of several Christmas parties coming up. The party is at 5:30, and I'll be eating dinner there. I will take a little of everything I like, but not too much of anything. And I am going to take a water bottle to keep refilling. I can do this. I don't want to sabotage myself this week-end. I don't have to keep making all the same old mistakes over and over. Again.

We did step aerobics in class today. I used only the step, with no risers, and just worked on the floor sometimes. Very challenging. I just marched in place some, too. We started a little late, so I bailed on abs, so I could get downstairs to eat some lunch.

11/28/09

Busy night last night, so didn't get a chance to post.

Ate lots all week-end, not just on Thanksgiving. Oh well. Not looking too forward to tomorrow's weigh-in. I did manage to take a walk after dinner on Thanksgiving, so I could make room for desert!

Did tone and tighten class yesterday. Arms and abs. Today, 25-30 minutes on the elliptical, on a program that started flat, went rapidly up, then worked its way back down. I wondered why I seemed to be so tired; thought maybe 4 days of slacking had caught up with me. Then I realized that I usually do the manual program, with no changes. No wonder it felt harder!

11/23/06

338.3

Not surprising, with how I ate on the week-end. It wasn't the Thanksgiving dinner, it was the week-end. My friend Shauna asked me if week-ends are stressful, causing me to overeat. They are not; they are less busy, so I have more time to overeat. And I haven't seemed to figure out that I can be as good as I can all week, but if I pig out on the week-ends, I don't meet my goals.

I've let myself off the hook for yesterday and today. I didn't work out yesterday; had lunch with Kim instead. Plan on taking a walk today, at least up to the nursing home to see Grandma.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

11/21/06

Did tone and tighten class yesterday. We climbed 4 flights stairs, and did calf raises on the stairs, and then did lots of arms and abs. Today, I did 30 minutes on the cross trainer, on the weight loss setting. I'll do something tomorrow, just not sure what. It will depend on when I can get away for lunch.

Eating wise, it was another rough week-end. I said after my food fast that if I could trust God to go a whole day without food, I could trust Him to eat the proper portions. And then promptly ate too much, without thinking or praying, most of the week-end. Yesterday and today have been much better. We had a nummy Thanksgiving dinner at Sean's Mom's tonight. I ate a little bit of everything I wanted, including pumpkin pie, but no seconds. That's a new practice I'm trying to employ. No seconds. Now, on Thanksgiving day, all bets are off for the big meal. But I'm going to eat really carefully the rest of the day. I have to eat breakfast, or I'll be a cranky-butt, but I'll probably have instant breakfast.

Weigh in is tomorrow. Once again, I'm not too hopeful. One of these days, I'll stick to my eating plan and be excited about weighing in. But, I suppose that continuing to work out, and recognizing my weak spots is progress.

11/17/06

The food fast yesterday went well. By the end of the night, I was feeling a little weak, but that's to be expected. I went to bed early, and was grateful for breakfast this morning. I think that if I can trust God for the strength to go without food for a day, then I can trust Him to eat the correct portions, too. I need to let Him be strong in my weak spot of overeating.

I SOOOOOO did not want to work out today, but did any how. Not much, but at least I didn't skip it. 15 minutes on the treadmill, and 2 sets each biceps, triceps and chest press. I was tired and grumpy and I think on a blood sugar low. But after I worked out and ate lunch, I eventually felt better.

Tomorrow I'm going out with my Mom. Does vigorous shopping count as a workout?

TV fast is still going well. I am going to enjoy watching the Today show on Sunday. I do enjoy the quiet much more now, though. I will continue to leave the tv off much more than I used to do.

11/15/06 - goal

337.4.

Not the 3 pounds I set for a goal, but good none the less. 1 1/2-2 pounds a week is a good rate of loss. I may have set my goal too aggressively, especially since I'll be starting my period this week-end. And, I ate like a pig on Sunday. Gotta stop doing that! Goal for next week, even with Thanksgiving, is 335. I guess I'd rather set my goals too high than too low. I need to make an eating plan for turkey day, and exercise goals for that day, too. Maybe a nice walk after dinner.

TV fasting is going well. Nate and Laura didn't mind a bit not having tv on during dinner. The times I'm really wanting tv is in the morning when I get up, and at 6pm, both for the news. It's a habit. I think that when I'm done fasting, I should continue to not watch tv in the mornings until I get completely ready for work. I am always running late, and sometimes it's just because I don't shut the tv off. Might miss something, you know. And I really am enjoying the morning devotional time. Although this morning, I was tired and didn't want to get up, and I felt a little rushed with my devotional, so I felt a little guilty as I was doing it. Kinda screwy--doing something good, but feeling guilty! I need to adjust my black & white vision, (blush & bashful, Shauna!) and allow for some days when I'll need to wait til evening to devote. I think the reason I felt guilty was that I knew I had a lot of plans for the evening, and didn't want to leave devotions out.

Anyway, I do feel that this fasting is helping me be closer to God, and hear Him better. I will watch tv again, of course! But I will leave it off more, too, to leave more quiet space for God.

Oh yeah--did tone and tighten class today. Rebecca was teaching. We did legs, legs and legs. And some abs. I'm already sore! So tomorrow should be fun.

11/14/06

Did 30 minutes on the cross trainer today, on the weight loss program. Felt good. It was a hectic, short-handed day at work today, and that workout in the middle of the day sure helps!

TV fasting is going fine. Sean and I have enjoyed 2 nights of dinner conversation. We have talked about turning off the tv at dinner before, but never followed through. I think that when this is done we could do it at least 3 nights a week. We are having Nate and Laura over as usual before poker and Art Reach tomorrow night, and hopefully they won't mind no tv.

I am going to fast from food on Thursday. Just juice and Carnation Instant Breakfast. Thursday is after my weigh-in, so I think I can do it without it being about dieting. Today in my life journaling, I came across this:


22If anyone won't love the Master, throw him out. Make room for the Master!
1 Corinthians 16:22 (The Message)

That's what I'm trying to do by fasting; make room for the Master. There is nothing inherently wrong with TV, but I need to stop putting it ahead of God. And I need to start trusting God to help me have a right relationship with food. Start trusting Him to be strong in my weak places. So I think I can fast from food for one day, and do it for the right reasons. We'll see.

11/13/16

Did better with my eating today. Kinda doubt I'll make my goal for this week, but we'll see. Had my right leg laser hair removal today, so I took a short lunch. I did a weight workout; biceps, triceps, shoulder press, low back extension and butterflies. 2 sets of 15 each. I think on days when I have more than 1/2 an hour, I'll start going to 3 sets.

Fast-wise, things are going fine. I wasn't in the break room at work for any substantial amount of time. In the locker room at the fitness center, I used a locker where I couldn't see the tv. It was on in the fitness center, but I didn't really pay attention. And tonight, when Sean is watching Heroes, I'll read in the living room or the office. I'm going to clean my closet, too. That'll keep me busy awhile!

11/12/06

Called Shauna this afternoon to join me for a walk around Deming Park. We walked for about 30 minutes. One lap around the outside road of the park, then up Snow Hill. You probably can't tell so much from the pic, but it is STEEP! And people run this hill. People are idiots! It was a beautiful but cold day. And it was nice to talk with Shauna during the walk. Sat and watched the geese while waiting for her to arrive, too. That was pretty fun.

I have begun a fast from tv today. During last week's service, Scot, our pastor at eXchange, asked us to consider a fast as a means of growing closer to God, and to release the kingdom of God within us. TV immediately came to mind for me. I am an addict. So, starting this morning, no tv for 7 days. I don't miss the shows so much so far, but I've noticed the reflex to turn on the tv whenever I'm in a room with one. Even if I'm going to read, or don't have a specific show I want to watch. I will see some incidental tv; it will be on in the break room and waiting rooms at work, and at the fitness center. But I don't really watch in those places. It is at home where it will be a sacrifice. No news and Today show in the mornings. No Two and a Half Men Monday night. I did listen to the Colts on the radio.

One the the things that confirmed tv for my fast was very visual. Next to my bed, I saw my journal, my Bible, and the remote lying on top of both. What's wrong with that picture?

At first, I thought I didn't want to fast from food because I work with the public, and I'd get cranky. And I'm working out, so I need energy. But tonight, I realized that it's probably more because I would fast from food for weight loss, not to get closer to God. Yes, I'm addicted to food, too, but I think I need to deal with that in other ways. I was in such a hurry to buy Eating Mindfully, and now that I have it I haven't read more than a chapter!

I am replacing tv with reading. I checked several books out from the library, and one from the library at church. Right now I'm reading Through Painted Deserts by Don Miller. It's good. I really enjoyed his Blue Like Jazz.

Eating wise, I pigged out today. Good choices at breakfast, lousy choices for lunch and dinner. At least I worked out, so perhaps today will be a push calorie-wise.

11/11/06

Went to the fitness center yesterday. Took a short lunch because I had the 2nd laser treatment on my left leg for hair removal. Just did a weight work-out. Biceps, triceps, chest press and lower back extension.

Went to our friend Nate's house tonight to eat dinner and watch a movie. Allowed myself to have s'mores. Nummy! Left the left-over marshmallow there, though. I could eat the whole bag, and that is not good.

11/11/06

Went to the fitness center yesterday. Took a short lunch because I had the 2nd laser treatment on my left leg for hair removal. Just did a weight work-out. Biceps, triceps, chest press and lower back extension.

Went to our friend Nate's house tonight to eat dinner and watch a movie. Allowed myself to have s'mores. Nummy! Left the left-over marshmallow there, though. I could eat the whole bag, and that is not good.

11/9/06

It was a BEAUTIFUL day today, and probably one of our last for the fall, so I walked outside today. Only about 15 minutes, but I enjoyed it SO much. I intended to take another walk with Sean after work, but a nap beckoned instead. It was probably good for me, as I was having some anxious moments concerning what turned out to be sinus-y stuff. I obsess over health things, and I was a little over-caffeinated today, so I went a little off the deep end. Made it through, though. And a little rest probably did me good.

11/8/06-measurements

Finally took my measurements today. The last time I did was in May. I know I got bigger between then and when I started working out again last month. So here they are:

(body part--now/start//total gain or loss)

neck--16.75/17.9//down 1.15
bust--56/57//down 1.5
waist--56.25/60//down 3.75
hips--64/68//down 4
thigh--23.5/25//down 1.5
calf--16.25/16.5//down .25
bicep--15.5/16.5//down 1

My highest weight last October was 351. So overall, though there have been some ups and downs, in the last year I've lost 12 pounds and 13.1 inches. I am proud of that! Would I like it to be more? Sure. But, it is a step in the right direction. Next goal, 336 for next week. 330 by December 1.

I did 20 minutes on the cross trainer today, on the weight loss program. It alternates between 0 incline and 0 resistance, and 3 incline and 10 resistance. Then I did 10 minutes on the bike, and 2 sets 15 each of biceps, triceps, chest press, lat pull downs and lower back extensions. Tomorrow will be cardio again.

11/7/06 - goal

339! Yay!

I'm setting an aggressive goal for next week--3 lbs.

Sean helped me in trying to reach that goal tonight. He made a yummy casserole with the leftover chili from Sunday, and I had 2 helpings. Just a small bit was left, and he asked me to pack it up for him. I told him I was thinking about eating it. He gently pointed out that I had already had 2 servings, and eating the rest would not help me lose 3 pounds. Of course he's right (he doesn't hear that very often!), and I didn't eat the rest. So thanks again, babe, for the help!

Did 20 minutes on the elliptical today. Tomorrow will either be tone and tighten, or cardio and weights after work with Shauna.

11/6/06

Went to tone and tighten class today. We did a little bit of everything today. Rebecca was teaching, and class kicked my butt.

I usually don't stand in front of the mirror; I'm usually off to the left side a little. But today, I was a little late, chairs for use in class were already set up, and I was in the front row, in front of the mirror. When we were doing triceps extensions, bent over using the chair for support, I looked at myself in the mirror. UGH! The image I see there is not what I see in my head. I found it kinda depressing. I look like a big cow! But I need to use that image, accurate image, as motivation. What I actually look like is not who I want to be. Maybe it isn't even who I really am? I want to make the image in the mirror match that I have inside. Curvy, fit. Not a skinny-minny, by any means. But strong, powerful. Womanly.

I'm going to take pictures. Not for this blog; just for me. I have some skinny pictures out for motivation. Maybe I need some tubby pictures, too. And maybe I can photoshop them to help imagine what I want to become.

On a less depressing note, I do think my torso looked a little slimmer in the mirror. I need to take my measurements. I doubt they will be any smaller than they were before I stopped working out this summer. But, my scrubs are feeling looser around the hips, my "first" tummy roll doesn't seem as big.

11/05/06

I actually did some planning today, and made a good choice at lunch. For breakfast, I had 2 pieces whole wheat toast w/butter and Parmesan. Then a cup of coffee at church. I wasn't really hungry yet when I got home from church, but was looking in the freezer for something to eat. I had been planning on having salad w/some sort of meat, since I am making chili (as we speak) to eat w/Kevin & Kelly while watching the Colts/Patriots game after church. I saw that we had tater tots, and thought, I'll eat those. Then I thought, no, I don't need them, I'll eat too many, and I'm not actually hungry yet anyway. So I sat down and read the newspaper. After I read a few sections, I was actually hungry. So I made a large salad, with 8 or 10 slices of salami (the small ones, not the lunch-meat sized ones), cheese, croutons and dressing. Could I have had less cheese and salami? Sure. But was it a better choice than too many tater tots? Yes. And tonight I can eat chili, and a small bit of Kelly's dessert, and not feel guilty.

11/04/06

Met Shauna at the fitness center today to work out. I did 20 minutes on the cross trainer, 10 on the bike, and 2 sets 15 each of biceps, triceps, seated butterfly's, lat pull downs and chest press. Also did 100 crunches and some stretching. Eating was okay today. I did have 1 1/2 16oz cups of snack mix (a mix of cashews, plain M&M's and Chex mix) while playing poker. And I had a Smirnoff Ice wild grape. Very tasty, but not so great for weight loss, I'm sure.

Had some great conversation over poker tonight. One of the guys goes to eXchange, too. He and his girlfriend and child have been going there about 4 months. They usually sit upstairs, so I hadn't seen them before. And 2 of the other people had attended the church I previously attended. We had some really good discussion about God, God's people, and how we are all sinners. I played pretty good poker, too! I finished 3rd out of 8, and got my money back.

The cat is being very cute playing with one of her stuffed mice.

11/02 - goal

342.7

And that is down .5 from Tuesday's weigh-in. Not sure how that happened. 3.5 lbs up. Not surprised, considering how I ate over the week-end. I suppose I could have put on a little muscle weight, but not 3.5 lbs in a week! New goal: 339. Super/extra goal: 337. But really, 339. I want to be at 330 by December 1st.

Yesterday, I did 30 minutes cardio, all on the treadmill. Max incline 3, max speed 3, but not at the same time. Max speed at 3 incline was 2.8. I could tell I did more incline and speed; my butt was sore in new places this morning! Today, I did 2 sets 15 each biceps, triceps, lat pull downs, back extensions, chest press, forward arm raise and lateral arm raise.

Eating today has gone pretty well. A bit on the carb-y side, but good in the portions. Overall, I feel pretty good about today.

10/31/06

Well, today went well from the exercising standpoint, but not so much from the eating standpoint. I did 15 minutes on the elliptical, and 2 sets each of bicep curls, triceps pull-down, shoulder press and butterflies.

I weighed in today, in case tomorrow is not so good. I wrote down the number, and will weigh again tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll post whichever number is lower. ;^)

I ate too much today, but not so much that I'm miserable. Just little bits at a time. So, maybe that is a little step better. I didn't just gorge myself. Just allowed myself to enjoy lots of things at the carry-in. Back in the saddle again tomorrow.

10/30/09

Did 20 minutes on the cross trainer today. I intended to go to tone & tighten class, but could not get away from the office by noon; class starts at 12:10. I probably won't be able to go all week. Well, maybe Friday. One of the other girls has to go to the sleep lab to help cover for someone on vacation, and she goes around lunch time. So if i don't go to class, I'll do cardio. Tomorrow, weights. Wednesday I'm gonna go after work w/my friend Shauna.

I'm not too optimistic about my weigh in Wednesday. I ate too much this week-end, (gee, does that sound familiar?) and we have a carry-in tomorrow. I'm going to try to be very disciplined. Lots of water, lots of coffee and diet soda. I made a cheese ball that I'm going to fashion into a spider. I used reduced-fat cream cheese. I'm going to use black licorice for the legs, and pimento-stuffed olives for the eyes.

10/29/06

Went to the fitness center with my friend Shauna yesterday. I did 25 minutes of cardio, most on the cross trainer, and 2 sets of 15 each of biceps and triceps. Did chest press, too; 1 set of 15 and one set of 10.

My eating this week-end was not as out of control as last week-end, but still way too much tonight. trgffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffp-00-

Sorry. That last bit of typing is courtesy of Katchoo!

10/26/06

I SOOOOOOOOOOOO did not want to work out today. Kinda tired; kinda gray, yucky day; just didn't feel like it. But, I thought I should do at least 15 minutes. No, 20. Just to get something in. So I got on the bike with my book for 15 minutes. When I got done, I figured since I'm already hot and sweaty, and I do want to read some more, I might as well get on the treadmill. So I did 15 minutes there, too. Max incline 1; max speed 2.8. I'm glad that I went ahead and worked out. It made me feel better in more ways than one. And if there's any justice, I burned off more fat since I was working out when I didn't want to!

10/25/06 - goal

339.2!!! Made the one pound goal. Goal for next week, 2lbs. Which may be a challenge. We are having a carry-in at work on Tuesday, so I will have to be very disciplined. I can do this. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And I don't have to keep repeating the same old mistakes.

However, I did tonight. Went straight from work to church. Had a snack before I left work, and a banana at Art Reach. Still, was hungry enough to gnaw my arm off by the time I got home. I ate 2 bowls of chili, and 4 or 5 pieces of cornbread. (I really didn't want to say how much cornbread; but felt the need to be honest. ouch.) I should have stopped at 1 bowl, and maybe 2 pieces of cornbread. I feel really stuffed. I gotta remember, I don't have to keep repeating the same old mistakes.

Went to tone and tighten class today. We did legs, a little arms and abs. Will do cardio tomorrow.

10/24/06

Yesterday, went to tone and tighten class. We did arms and chest and abs. Also made a really good choice for dinner. We went to La Famila de Jeshua, a local Italian joint. We both got salads, and we split a calzone.

Today, I did 30 minutes on the treadmill. I have a new book to read, All Mortal Flesh by Julia Spencer Fleming. This is the 5th in a series of mysteries, and I have loved them all. It made the time pass really quickly. I didn't even look at the timer until 28 minutes had passed!

This past week-end, I was not making such good choices. What started out to be 1 day of "bad" eating at the festival turned into the whole week-end. We'll see how weigh-in goes tomorrow. I have to be careful; I can splurge for 1 meal, but not 2 or 3 days. Kinda counters all the working out I've been doing.

I need to take my measurements soon. My butt is feeling tighter, and my arms are starting to get a little definition again.

10/21/06

Yesterday we did legs and butt and abs in tone and tighten. Since I did exercise, I did have one of my candy packages. I meant to take it to the movie with me, but forgot, so had it afterward.

We saw Flags of Our Fathers last night. I highly recommend it. I really enjoyed it. I had a small bag of popcorn with LOTS of butter on it. I really enjoyed that, too!

Walked all over Bridgeton today with Mom, my sister Pam and my nephew Joshua. We had a very nice time, and the weather was great. And I didn't even eat a ton. Did have some maple nut fudge and some cookies and cream fudge. I'm letting myself eat too much today, and will get back on track tomorrow.

10/19/06

I have the best, most wonderful husband in the whole wide world! (I tried to post a pic, but the picture-adder-button-thingey doesn't seem to be working tonight.) (ETA--finally able to post a pic of my baby!) I love mellocreme pumpkins, but have been trying to avoid them, cause, they're sugar, and they're evil. And I can eat then until I literally become sick. I have oft lamented that someone needs to make a single serving size bag of them. My fabulous hubby did just that! He made up snack sized baggies, each containing 3 pumpkins and a roll of smarties! What a great guy! He's so cool! I've put them in my closet, so I won't see them all the time. I'll permit myself only 1 package per day, and only on days I work out.

Speaking of working out, I didn't today. I didn't get much sleep last night, as I was up a lot coughing. Went in to sleep in the recliner for awhile so Sean could get some sleep, since he has to be up at 4. So I was really tired today. And my friend Kim (Hi!) just came back to work after having surgery, and wanted to do lunch. I will work out tomorrow. Either tone and tighten class, or if no one is teaching/no one shows up, I'll do 15 minutes of cardio and a set of various weights.

10/18/06 -goal/pics

Woo Hoo! I made my goal! 340.1. I can live with that .1 of a pound. I was a little scared as I got on the scale, but then really excited! My goal for next week is 1 pound. I am trying to be realistic, as I am going to the Covered Bridge Festival with my Mom and sis. For those of you who don't know, the festival is about shopping and eating, shopping and eating some more. Oh, yeah, there are some covered bridges, too. I will be walking a lot, but I'm not going to be too worried about what I eat. There will definitely be a lemon shake-up involved, and probably some beef tips with potatoes and mushrooms.

I went to tone and tighten class today. We did legs and abs. My chest is still sore from Monday, especially from the butterflies we did on an incline bench.

My friend Jack Fox sent me some pics he took Sunday:

Here are pics from 6/19/06 for comparison:

Not sure if I really see much difference, except that the outfit from Sunday is MUCH cuter! I'll take my next pics in the same tank and jeans for a better comparison.

10/17/06

I am not looking forward to my weigh-in tomorrow. I ate too much tonight. Not a ton, but too much none the less. And I know exactly why I did it. I was very tired, and vulnerable to overeating. I prayed about it, but didn't really wait or look for an answer. So we'll see what the scales have to say tomorrow.

I did 30 minutes of cardio today. 20 minutes on the treadmill. Max speed 2.8, max incline 2. And 10 minutes on the bike. The 30 minutes is getting easier. I'm still sick, though. Getting to the coughing-up stage now. Fun. And it made it a little hard to breathe on the treadmill for a little bit. I've had the cold almost a week now, so hopefully it will be gone in another week.

10/16/06

Did the 1 mile fun walk Saturday for Race for the Cure. It was COLD! But fun. And for a good cause. The Saint Mary of the Woods campus is beautiful anytime, but especially in the fall.

Went to tone & tighten class today. We did chest, triceps, biceps, quads, hamstrings and abs.

I tried Carnation Instant Breakfast yesterday, and quite liked it. I am going to use it for some meal substitutions, and for pre-work out snacks on occasion.

I'll have some new pics soon.

10/13/06 - g

Started to feel kinda sick Wednesday night. Last evening, my sinuses were getting stuffy and my was throat still sore. Today, more of the same, but not necessarily worse. But I was tired, and didn't feel much like moving around a lot, so I did weights instead of tone and tighten class. Which was just as well, as I was the only one who showed up besides the instructor. It is Friday, which notoriously has bad attendance, and it is fall break for the schools around here. I did get to talk with the instructor, Rebecca, though. I haven't seen her in a while, since I dropped my membership for awhile, so it was good to catch up with her.

I started thinking about some goals while I was working out today. I would like to be at 320 by the end of the year, and 270 by my 40th birthday. I think both are realistic, if I buckle down with my eating.

Speaking of eating, I've done pretty well this week, until tonight. I at a big bowl of chili, with some crackers and too much cheese. And it would have been okay if I stopped there. But I also ate some leftover pasta, and 2 dinner rolls with a lot of butter. I guess I was just feeling sick and tired, and wanted to eat. But I'm not going to let that spoil the whole week-end. Back to eating well the next time I eat.

And I think I sweated out my cold a little bit while I worked out. My throat is still kinda funky. I'm enjoying a nice hot cup of lemon tea as I type.

Tomorrow is Race for the Cure. It's gonna be cold, but I'll bundle up in layers, and a stocking cap. I'll be active, so I should be fine. And I can pretty much take it easy all afternoon/evening, except for some grocery shopping. Hopefully my throat will be fine for singing back-up Sunday night at church. A little huskiness could help my voice.

10/12/06 - g

342.2

Well, the stuff offered in the beta version finally seems to be working. I was able to add a new link to my lists of links; my friend Shauna's blog counting down her progress toward doing the Mini in May. And the link thingy is working, too, as evidenced above. Cool.

Yesterday, did 30 minutes cardio for the first time. 15 minutes on the treadmill; max incline 1, max speed 2.8. 15 minutes on the bike. That was all my butt could endure. Today, 30 minutes of cardio again. 20 minutes on the cross trainer and 10 minutes on the bike. On the cross trainer, I used the arms occasionally and sprinted (for me) to a few songs. Tomorrow I plan on going to tone and tighten, if anyone is teaching. If not, I'll do weights.

I've lost 1.2 lb since last week. Not as much as I would have liked, but down none the less. I have set an ambitious goal for next week. 2.2 lbs. That way I'll be at an even 340. I realized after I set that goal that I'll be starting my period at the end of the week, and that could affect the outcome. Oh well. Better to set a goal and miss than not set any goals at all. I suppose I could be building some muscle, too, but since it's not quite been 2 weeks, I don't know how much that would affect my weight yet.

10/10/06

I did climb my 4 flights of stairs. I forgot to do them on my lunch, so I did them after work. I will weigh in tomorrow, and also either do tone and tighten class or some sort of cardio machine.

Just went back and looked at yesterday's post. I said 5 flights of stairs, but I meant 4. It was 5, if you count the one I climb to get to work.

10/09/06

Tried to switch to the beta version of blogspot. Not sure it worked. Figured I'd go ahead and do it since I'll have to eventually, anyhow.

Went to tone and tighten class today. We did shoulders and legs, and abs, as always. I didn't seem to have lost much fitness or stamina for the class, except for abs. If I don't do them consistantly, and I don't, I cramp up real quickly. We did 100, and I cramped up after 30 or 40.

Not sure if I'll get up to the gym tomorrow or not. I have my next laser hair removal treatment, and I'll need to use some of my lunch hour to make it up. Might do 10 minutes or so on the treadmill, or might just climb 5 flights of stair. UGH!!!

Had a FABULOUS time this week-end at Buca di Beppo! www.bucadibeppo.com, (since the link-adder-thingey doesn't seem to be working). We had a total of 14 people in the Pope room, and a good time was had by all. Ate WAY too much, but enjoyed every last bite. And then we walked around downtown Indy for awhile, so walked some of it off.

Well, preview post doesn't seem to be working, either, so I apologize for grammar and spelling mistakes

10/05/06

20 minutes on the elliptical today. I didn't even check time until 17 minutes were down. I did an alternating up and down course. I did a tiny bit backwards, and sprinted some to match the tempo of the songs I was listening to.

10/04/06

342.7

That's the lowest I've been since May. WooHoo! Must be something to this exercising more and eating less. Did 20 minutes the total body arc trainer today. Sometimes with the arms, sometimes without, and sometimes going faster, to the tempo of the music I was listening to.

I also did something very good and unusual (for me) tonight. But I intend to make it become more usual. There were 2 pieces of left over pizza sitting out when I got home from Art Reach tonight. They were just taunting me. I wasn't really hungry. So I got out a baggie and put them away. Wow! Just like that, they were gone. I did kinda want something sweet, so I had 2 no sugar added fudgecicles (only 90 calories total and low fat). Very satisfying. Just finished them, matter of fact.

I'm trying to put into practice a scripture from my devotions recently:

God rescued us from dead-end alleys and dark dungeons. He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much, the Son who got us out of the pit we were in, got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating.

Colossians 1: 13-14 (The Message)

I don't have to keep eating things just because they are there. I don't have to eat too much. I can make good choices, and enjoy them.

10/03/06

Did 20 minutes on the treadmill today. Had up to a 1.5 incline, and got up to about 2.5 mph or so. Time passed pretty quickly, because I had my mp3 player and a magazine.

Ate well today. Only bad thing was 5 twizzlers, but at least they're low fat.

10/02/06

344.7

It's been awhile since I've posted. Mostly 'cause I've been busy. I worked the Emmaus walk. We had great food, which I ate too much of. Plus didn't drink much water, and used a lot of salt. All of which resulted in a bump up to 351. Which I don't think could have been actual fat gain. Mostly water, I would think. But, now I am back down to where I have hovered around the last couple of months.

Big news--I rejoined the gym last Friday. Did 20 minutes on the treadmill Friday, and upper body weights today. Sean & I went for a short walk before picking up a few things for supper. I took a nap first, which I felt a little bad about, until I saw the GORGEOUS sunset after we were done shopping. Would totally have missed that if I hadn't taken that nap.

I'm trying to reduce the amount of carbs I eat, and make better choices about those I do eat. I discovered Kashi GoLean Rolls at Kroger, since they were on sale last week. They are quite tasty. Makes a good mid-morning snack to get me through my workout. And kinda feels like eating a candy bar, without being bad for you. I've had the Kashi Heart to Heart Wild Blueberry cereal, too. It's pretty tasty, and makes your milk blue. Fun!

9/16/06

343.4 on 9/13. Down 3.8 lbs from last week. I'm pretty pleased with that.

I know I'm going to eat too much this week-end, and probably next, since I'm working an Emmaus walk. Although, since I'll be working, I probably won't eat as much as when I went on the walk. I always caution pilgrims to wear stretchy pants, 'cause you're eating all the time.

I think I will start watching Weight Watchers points again. That worked well for me. Right now, I seem to be happy with the status quo. But I only have 10 months till 40. I need to get with it.

9/6/06

347.2

I'm not surprised at all. I ate like a pig all week-end. Again.

But, I have done better the last 2 days. And I walked about a mile yesterday at lunch. I got a new book, Eating Mindfully, by Dr. Susan Albers. I hope it will help me develop a right relationship with food. I had made my little red bracelet to help me be more mindful of what I was eating, but I wasn't paying much attention, so I took it off. I've also stopped journaling all I eat, at least for now. I may pick it up again. But, most of the time, I can tell you exactly what I've eaten on any given day. Even when I've eaten too much.

I'm gonna download some new music to my MP3 player to walk to. I'm making a kinda "tuff chick" mix.

8/24/06

A couple of days good, a couple of days not so good. The not good was mindful, though. Last night, I wanted chips and dip. So I bought it, and some cottage cheese, and ate it. And I enjoyed every bite. Tonight, it was Cheez-its. Way too many. This is pretty counter my goals. I need to make changes, but all I seem to make is excuses.

We are going out of town this week-end. I will allow myself freedom to eat, then buckle down again.

Spoke with my friend Darla today. She and I may start working out together again. She can bring a guest to a gym she goes to, and we used to go some when we worked in the same building. Since I can't afford the gym at work right now, that may be a good option.

8/21/06

I have done well today. Feels like it's been a while since I could say that.

I pigged out Saturday night. Didn't really even think about what I was eating, or how much. Even kept eating when I wasn't really enjoying it. How stupid is that?!?!

I made myself a red macrame bracelet, to help me to be more mindful of my eating. Red, for the blood of Jesus, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13). And red to STOP and think about what I'm doing. It's on my right wrist, so I see it all the time when I'm mousing and writing. So far today, I think it's helped.

Sean & I went for a walk today. About a mile. The weather is FABULOUS!

My friend Kim (Hi Kim!) asked me if I wanted to diet together with her. I said yes, because I need the accountability. We work in the same building. We are not going to do the same eating plan, but will encourage each other and pray for each other. And we'll weigh in together too. Probably on Wednesdays.

8/17/09

345.1

At least I'm consistent.

Sunday night, at the altar, after a sermon on faith, I realized that I have little faith that I can actually pull this weight loss thing off. I can tell you all day long about losing weight, but I have failed so many times that I don't know if I really believe that I can do it. I have asked a couple of people to pray for me for that faith.

Then I found a glimmer of hope in Romans 7 & 8:

Romans 7:17-25 (The Message)
17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
Romans 8:1-14 (The Message)
1-2With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.
3-4God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son, Jesus, he personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all. The law code, weakened as it always was by fractured human nature, could never have done that.
The law always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. And now what the law code asked for but we couldn't deliver is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us.
5-8Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored.
9-11But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, won't know what we're talking about. But for you who welcome him, in whom he dwells—even though you still experience all the limitations of sin—you yourself experience life on God's terms. It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's!
12-14So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!

So stop focusing so much on myself. Focus on God. Focus on others. Get up and walk now and then.

I walked to and from lunch yesterday. 6 or 8 blocks each way. We parked 6 or so blocks away from where we went for dinner tonight, too. But before I break my arm patting myself on the back, I also medicated with food today. I was on edge, there was mac & cheese and hashbrown casserole left in the break room, and I ate some. And some croutons with ranch dressing. (Sounds odd, but if you've had Cracker Barrel's croutons, you'll understand.) I did it intentionally, and was miserable afterward, physically and emotionally.

But, I do still have that glimmer of hope. I'm not gonna give up. I will keep trying, and surely, eventually, I'll get it right. I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

8/11/06

345.6

Started the week at 345, too, after a blow-out eating week-end. Considering all I ate, it wasn't too bad.

I didn't eat well a couple of days this week, and I didn't exercise, and I stayed the same weight. So, if I actually get my butt off the recliner and exercise, and control my eating, I might actually lose. That is my goal for the next week. Specific amount? 2 lbs.

Pretty sure I'll miss the black scrub pants goal. Again.

8/8/06

Weighed in every day last week. Started and ended the week at 343. No exercise last week. Too darn hot; I'm too darn lazy.

I ate WAY too much this week-end. Friday night especially. It was a choice; I did it knowingly, and I enjoyed it. Friday was the worst, not as bad on Saturday and Sunday. I'll weigh again Thursday or Friday.

7/27/06

343.1!!! Woo Hoo!

I've really been careful about how much I am eating, and it seems to be working. I started to say what I'm eating, but not so much. I've really been making an effort to eat appropriate portions. Except for tonight, when I ate a ton of mashed potatoes. (Yes, Howee, mashed potatoes!) I have been on a cantelope kick lately, though, and that is a better snack than I have been choosing.

Saturday will be a challenge. We will be attending a birthday party, at which there will be much nummy junk food. I am taking cantelope, and maybe grapes or watermelon, so I will have some good choices. But I will eat some junk, too. I'll just try to eat more good than junk, and drink lots of water and diet soda to keep me full.

I didn't do my crunches last night, so I did them when I got up this morning. 100. My stomach cramped. That happens when you don't do crunches for a month or so. I think I'll do them again in the morning.

7/25/06

I have done well with my eating yesterday and today. I have eaten small meals and reasonable snacks during the day, and having my largest meal at dinner, w/Sean. I know some experts say not to do this, but in my Picture Perfect Weight Loss book, he says it doesn't matter when you eat what. I just need to eat less, and make better choices. For my evening meal, I am really trying to watch portion sizes.

Didn't work out yesterday, but did climb 3 flights of stairs. I will do some weights tonight. (I have to do it, because I put it on here!)

7/23/06

After reading a friend's blog, I realized I need to update here.

Not much to tell lately. I haven't been working out, and I have been eating too much. I weighed on Friday, and was at 349. My tummy feels, and I'm sure looks, huge.

Went out with some girlfriends yesterday. One is loosing weight (good for her!), and her capris are getting too big. They are really cute, & I said she could give them to me when they don't fit. She said she may have a lot of stuff for me. Problem is, I will need to loose a lot of weight to fit into her stuff. But it is cute, so maybe that will help inspire me.

I also have only 355 days till my 40th birthday. That is when I want to be at my goal weight, of 180-200 pounds. Doesn't seem too likely now. At this rate, a 5 pound loss by then would be good. I bought a notebook, so I could journal each day, right at the time I want/need to. Some of those writings will probably make it to here. But since I can't post here just anytime, like when I'm at work, maybe a journal will help.

7/10/06

I did 9 flights of stairs today. One up to work, then 2 sets of 4 to the top of the building; one set around 9, and one at lunch. I only had to stop once during each set, after 2 flights.

The first set was fueled by an anxiety attack. Physical activity is a great way to get rid of the heebie-jeebies. The second set? I guess I was just nuts and thought, "Gee, that's so much fun, let's do it again!"

I had a goal to get into the black scrub pants by the end of June. Didn't happen. Again. The end of July is probably not realistic, either. August it is.

Haven't worked out much in the last 2 weeks. Eating poorly, too. I need to refocus. I will climb 4 flights of stairs tomorrow, plus we are going to do yard work, weather permitting. I think I'll re-read Picture Perfect Weight Loss, too. I've got just 1 year left to reach my goal. I have to stop playing around and get serious. I don't want to fail at this. But I don't seem to want to work for it, either. Gotta find my motivation. Maybe make a big calendar for my bedroom, checking off the days till my 40th birthday. Which, btw, will be on Friday the 13th next year. Seems about right! But I don't want to be sad about 40; I want to celebrate a healthier me then. So I've got to get to work.

7/2/06

It's been awhile. I've been on vacay this week, and eating like a pig. Before that, not working out too much.

Soon it will be time to refocus. I start back to the real world on Wednesday. I'll weigh then. Not looking forward to that. Last time I weighed I was at 344.7. on 6/14/06.

I am going to drop my gym membership for awhile, for financial reasons. I should be able to pick it back up in the fall. In the mean time, I have 5 & 10 lb dumbbells here at home, and Sean wants to walk more. I'm going to have to be really disciplined. That'll be a switch. I want to go back to the gym in the fall with visible differences.

I've got a couple of new pics. I see some difference in my face, and some in the body, too. See 12/26/05 for comparison.

BTW, the cute red-head in the pics is my baby-doll, Sean!

6/12/06

345.7

I had bumped up to 349.sumthin, which I thought might be due to a lot of salt consumption. Didn't eat particularly carefully this week-end, and still show a loss. Yea!

Had planned to do yard work tonight as my exercise, but it didn't take much to talk me out of it. We will do yard work tomorrow, and I may walk at lunch as well.

I'm considering letting my gym membership lapse during the summer. Sean is wanting to walk, and I do have light hand weights here at home. And money is a little tight. We will give it some consideration before my next dues are due. (tee hee!)

6/6/06

Today is the first day in a long time where I can honestly say that I made good food choices. It feels good. Sean has helped. Cooked smaller portions. Puts away the leftovers, so that I don't put them away in my tummy. He wants to lose some weight, too, so that will also help me.

I overate this week-end, but not as much as usual. I guess that is a small step.

Sean and I walked last evening, about 1.5 miles. Along the new section of Hulman Street, down to Brown and back. The Heritage Trail now goes along the south side of the street, and they put in new sidewalks on the north side.

My friend Kim and I walked at lunch today. Wasn't wearing my watch, but I'd say 20-25 minutes.

6/1/06

346.6

For the last 3 weeks, my weight has stayed basically the same. It think it is the over-eating on the week-ends that is really getting me. Yes, my eating during the week needs to be better, too, but it is the week-end blow outs, I think, that keep me stuck. I need to find different ways to celebrate the week-end and reward myself, other than food.

I'll need to be especially careful at the shower and wedding Saturday.

Did pretty well today. I even checked "make good eating choices" on my goals list. I could still eat less, but I decided against the chocolate candy. I did have 2 no sugar added fudge bars. 90 calories, 2 g fat for both. And very yummy!

I climbed 4 flights of stairs again. Plus 2 individual flights, too. And I did 13 minutes on the exercise bike. That was all my butt could endure.

I tried on the black scrubs; still not fit for public consumption. My goal for July 1 is to be able to wear them to work. Only 1 goal for next month, and I need to work hard to reach it. I have got to get this eating in control.

5/31/06

I climbed 4 flights of stairs today! The Rocky theme song was going off in my head when I got to the top! I set a goal, and achieved it. WooHoo!

I did an upper body weight work-out too. I didn't really want to work out at all today, but had talked myself into at least doing the stairs. Then some stuff went on at work that helped me need to work out. Great stress relief, you know.

Eating, not completely terrible today. I probably didn't need that ginormous cookie I just ate, but other than that, not terrible. Room for improvement? Yes. I did meet all my goals today, except for good food choices. I may need to better define that concept. I could be setting myself up to fail all the time with that one.

5/30/06

Ate pretty poorly over the week-end. (these entries get a little repetitive, huh?)

Did well today, for the most part. Climbed 3 flights of stairs, did 20 minutes on the total body arc trainer, and got in my 64 oz of water. Too much of a snack at 4:30, but no seconds at dinner. I was feeling pretty tempted, though, after dinner, so I had Sean clean up the left-overs.

5/25/06

Down .3 lbs to 346. At least the right direction.

I started today to set some daily goals for myself. Today my goals were to drink 64 oz of water, climb 3 flights of stairs, and do weights at lunch. Achieved all 3!

I am not going to make one of my 1 month goals, though. I will be climbing 4 flights of stairs by next Friday. But since I've not lost any weight, I will not be wearing the black scrubs to work. I will move that goal to the beginning of July. Better to have set goals and only make half, than to not set goals and not make any.

Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp - or what's a heaven for?
Robert Browning (1812 - 1889)

5/22/06

Weighed in at 346.6 last Thursday. Proceeded to eat excessively all week-end. Started off today with the thought that I'd really get on track today. Guess what? Not so much. Didn't even exercise, because I stayed up too late last night, and went to the car to take a nap at lunch.

I did really enjoy my overeating, today, for what it's worth. The drug rep who brought pizza for lunch also brought DOUBLE STUFF OREOS!!!!! If you're gonna eat too much, it might as well be DOUBLE STUFF OREOS!!!!

5/16/06

Well, after a week of being out of control w/my eating, I have had 2 days of control.

I haven't recorded a weight in my palm pilot for awhile, but I did check it last week, and I was at 344.something. I will weigh Thursday, since I will be off on Friday.

I have been doing well with my stair climbing goal. I started parking in a different parking lot at work, (lot G in this illustration) so that it is more convenient to take the stairs than the elevator. You can also see an artist's rendering of the building I work at, the Union Hospital Profession Office Building, below the illustration. I climbed 3 flights of stairs today for the first time. I stopped at the landing after 2 flights, and again at 2 1/2 flights, but I did it. I went to tone and tighten class on Monday. My chest is still a little sore from the upper body work-out. We are supposed to do legs in class tomorrow.

5/11/06

At least I am becoming aware of why I overeat. Perhaps that awareness will lead to change.

It was a stressful day at work, for such a slow day. People we kinda dingy. Obtuse. Annoying. I ate a huge bagel w/a bunch of cream cheese, purely to medicate myself. And then I ate some cranberry orange toast w/butter right before dinner. Wasn't all that hungry, and I was making dinner. Just wanted to eat.

I think I can turn this into a good thing. Part of my wants to just say, "screw it," and keep eating too much and getting fatter. But the more rational part of me knows that I need to keep trying. No matter how many times I fail. I need to make my outside match what I see inside. I want to be healthier. I want to buy cheap cute clothes. (You can get cute big-girl clothes, but you pay a pretty penny.)

5/7/06

I made a choice today to eat a large container of cottage cheese. And a small bag of potato chips. And a huge piece of chocolate cake.

And then I felt like crap.

My choices have consequences. I know that. But after a few days of better eating choices, the consequences of the bad eating became more obvious.

I am going to try very hard to make that the last time I ever eat the whole container of cottage cheese. I can have cottage cheese. And if I'm going to eat too much of something, that's not so bad a choice. But not so much too much. I don't like how I felt.

Let's apply this now, and learn from it.

5/4/06

Weighed in yesterday at 342.5. Took my measurements tonight. I am down a total of 11 inches, and 9 lbs from my highest weight. Not rapid loss, but I am pleased none the less. I have set a short term goal for myself: by 6/4, I want to be able to wear my black scrubs, which are a tafford size 5x (which seem to be smaller than my cherokee size 5x), and climb 4 flights of stairs. I can get into the scrubs now, but it is NOT for public consumption. And I can do 2 flights of stairs now. I shared these goals with Sean, and will share them with my trainer, John, too. And the girls at work. It will help keep me honest.

The nurse, April, at UMR, sent me a book, Picture Perfect Weight Loss by Dr. Howard M. Shapiro. It is making a lot of sense so far. I am keeping a food diary, as much as I hate to, for a week. And I do feel in control. We'll see how it goes.