7/2/06

It's been awhile. I've been on vacay this week, and eating like a pig. Before that, not working out too much.

Soon it will be time to refocus. I start back to the real world on Wednesday. I'll weigh then. Not looking forward to that. Last time I weighed I was at 344.7. on 6/14/06.

I am going to drop my gym membership for awhile, for financial reasons. I should be able to pick it back up in the fall. In the mean time, I have 5 & 10 lb dumbbells here at home, and Sean wants to walk more. I'm going to have to be really disciplined. That'll be a switch. I want to go back to the gym in the fall with visible differences.

I've got a couple of new pics. I see some difference in my face, and some in the body, too. See 12/26/05 for comparison.

BTW, the cute red-head in the pics is my baby-doll, Sean!

6/12/06

345.7

I had bumped up to 349.sumthin, which I thought might be due to a lot of salt consumption. Didn't eat particularly carefully this week-end, and still show a loss. Yea!

Had planned to do yard work tonight as my exercise, but it didn't take much to talk me out of it. We will do yard work tomorrow, and I may walk at lunch as well.

I'm considering letting my gym membership lapse during the summer. Sean is wanting to walk, and I do have light hand weights here at home. And money is a little tight. We will give it some consideration before my next dues are due. (tee hee!)

6/6/06

Today is the first day in a long time where I can honestly say that I made good food choices. It feels good. Sean has helped. Cooked smaller portions. Puts away the leftovers, so that I don't put them away in my tummy. He wants to lose some weight, too, so that will also help me.

I overate this week-end, but not as much as usual. I guess that is a small step.

Sean and I walked last evening, about 1.5 miles. Along the new section of Hulman Street, down to Brown and back. The Heritage Trail now goes along the south side of the street, and they put in new sidewalks on the north side.

My friend Kim and I walked at lunch today. Wasn't wearing my watch, but I'd say 20-25 minutes.

6/1/06

346.6

For the last 3 weeks, my weight has stayed basically the same. It think it is the over-eating on the week-ends that is really getting me. Yes, my eating during the week needs to be better, too, but it is the week-end blow outs, I think, that keep me stuck. I need to find different ways to celebrate the week-end and reward myself, other than food.

I'll need to be especially careful at the shower and wedding Saturday.

Did pretty well today. I even checked "make good eating choices" on my goals list. I could still eat less, but I decided against the chocolate candy. I did have 2 no sugar added fudge bars. 90 calories, 2 g fat for both. And very yummy!

I climbed 4 flights of stairs again. Plus 2 individual flights, too. And I did 13 minutes on the exercise bike. That was all my butt could endure.

I tried on the black scrubs; still not fit for public consumption. My goal for July 1 is to be able to wear them to work. Only 1 goal for next month, and I need to work hard to reach it. I have got to get this eating in control.

5/31/06

I climbed 4 flights of stairs today! The Rocky theme song was going off in my head when I got to the top! I set a goal, and achieved it. WooHoo!

I did an upper body weight work-out too. I didn't really want to work out at all today, but had talked myself into at least doing the stairs. Then some stuff went on at work that helped me need to work out. Great stress relief, you know.

Eating, not completely terrible today. I probably didn't need that ginormous cookie I just ate, but other than that, not terrible. Room for improvement? Yes. I did meet all my goals today, except for good food choices. I may need to better define that concept. I could be setting myself up to fail all the time with that one.

5/30/06

Ate pretty poorly over the week-end. (these entries get a little repetitive, huh?)

Did well today, for the most part. Climbed 3 flights of stairs, did 20 minutes on the total body arc trainer, and got in my 64 oz of water. Too much of a snack at 4:30, but no seconds at dinner. I was feeling pretty tempted, though, after dinner, so I had Sean clean up the left-overs.

5/25/06

Down .3 lbs to 346. At least the right direction.

I started today to set some daily goals for myself. Today my goals were to drink 64 oz of water, climb 3 flights of stairs, and do weights at lunch. Achieved all 3!

I am not going to make one of my 1 month goals, though. I will be climbing 4 flights of stairs by next Friday. But since I've not lost any weight, I will not be wearing the black scrubs to work. I will move that goal to the beginning of July. Better to have set goals and only make half, than to not set goals and not make any.

Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp - or what's a heaven for?
Robert Browning (1812 - 1889)

5/22/06

Weighed in at 346.6 last Thursday. Proceeded to eat excessively all week-end. Started off today with the thought that I'd really get on track today. Guess what? Not so much. Didn't even exercise, because I stayed up too late last night, and went to the car to take a nap at lunch.

I did really enjoy my overeating, today, for what it's worth. The drug rep who brought pizza for lunch also brought DOUBLE STUFF OREOS!!!!! If you're gonna eat too much, it might as well be DOUBLE STUFF OREOS!!!!

5/16/06

Well, after a week of being out of control w/my eating, I have had 2 days of control.

I haven't recorded a weight in my palm pilot for awhile, but I did check it last week, and I was at 344.something. I will weigh Thursday, since I will be off on Friday.

I have been doing well with my stair climbing goal. I started parking in a different parking lot at work, (lot G in this illustration) so that it is more convenient to take the stairs than the elevator. You can also see an artist's rendering of the building I work at, the Union Hospital Profession Office Building, below the illustration. I climbed 3 flights of stairs today for the first time. I stopped at the landing after 2 flights, and again at 2 1/2 flights, but I did it. I went to tone and tighten class on Monday. My chest is still a little sore from the upper body work-out. We are supposed to do legs in class tomorrow.

5/11/06

At least I am becoming aware of why I overeat. Perhaps that awareness will lead to change.

It was a stressful day at work, for such a slow day. People we kinda dingy. Obtuse. Annoying. I ate a huge bagel w/a bunch of cream cheese, purely to medicate myself. And then I ate some cranberry orange toast w/butter right before dinner. Wasn't all that hungry, and I was making dinner. Just wanted to eat.

I think I can turn this into a good thing. Part of my wants to just say, "screw it," and keep eating too much and getting fatter. But the more rational part of me knows that I need to keep trying. No matter how many times I fail. I need to make my outside match what I see inside. I want to be healthier. I want to buy cheap cute clothes. (You can get cute big-girl clothes, but you pay a pretty penny.)

5/7/06

I made a choice today to eat a large container of cottage cheese. And a small bag of potato chips. And a huge piece of chocolate cake.

And then I felt like crap.

My choices have consequences. I know that. But after a few days of better eating choices, the consequences of the bad eating became more obvious.

I am going to try very hard to make that the last time I ever eat the whole container of cottage cheese. I can have cottage cheese. And if I'm going to eat too much of something, that's not so bad a choice. But not so much too much. I don't like how I felt.

Let's apply this now, and learn from it.

5/4/06

Weighed in yesterday at 342.5. Took my measurements tonight. I am down a total of 11 inches, and 9 lbs from my highest weight. Not rapid loss, but I am pleased none the less. I have set a short term goal for myself: by 6/4, I want to be able to wear my black scrubs, which are a tafford size 5x (which seem to be smaller than my cherokee size 5x), and climb 4 flights of stairs. I can get into the scrubs now, but it is NOT for public consumption. And I can do 2 flights of stairs now. I shared these goals with Sean, and will share them with my trainer, John, too. And the girls at work. It will help keep me honest.

The nurse, April, at UMR, sent me a book, Picture Perfect Weight Loss by Dr. Howard M. Shapiro. It is making a lot of sense so far. I am keeping a food diary, as much as I hate to, for a week. And I do feel in control. We'll see how it goes.

4/28/06

First, the good news. I brought my cholesterol down to 212 from 236! Dr says to keep up the low fat diet, and we'll check again in 6 months.

However, I gained 3 lbs, to 345.1.

I was doing really well with eating today. Ate slowly, ate when I was hungry. At dinner, Sean cooked fabulous pork chops, and I took my time to eat. Then, around 9:30, after trying to talk myself out of it for a while, I decided that I was hungry, and ate 2 leftover sandwiched from Panera that I brought home from work.

I know what I need to do to lose weight. Why can't I make myself do it? Why does it have to be so hard? Is it because so many other things come easily to me, that I don't know how to work for something? It's just so frustrating. It seems like I should just be able to eat less. I don't want to look like this forever. I want the outside of my body to match what I see inside. AAUUUGGHH!!!

4/25/06

I've had some good days and some bad days in the last week. I weighed in at 1/2 lower last Friday, 342.4. I've felt in control of my eating yesterday and today. Exercise has been pretty good. Walked about 1.5 miles Saturday, on a beautiful morning w/Sean. Walked at Dobbs Park last night w/Sean, and had salad for dinner. Did 1 flight of stairs today, upper body workout, and 100 crunches of varying types today. Salad for lunch. BBQ chicken and olive oil & dill potatoes for dinner.

I get my cholesterol checked tomorrow. I'll post results as soon as I have them. I hope it is down. I think it will be.

4/18/06

Well, ate too much this week-end, didn't exercise much (although directing in both church services Sunday was quite a work out!), and still lost. 342.9 when I weighed in today.

I walked today, about 3/4 mile. I will go to class tomorrow, since it is supposed to rain. If it doesn't, I might walk again. I want to take advantage of the nice weather. I'll go back inside when it gets hotter.

4/13/06

Today, not as good, and by choice. I did okay at work, and even after work. Sean had ordered pizza, and had left 3 pieces for me. Not terrible, if that was all I ate. But then, while watching tv, I decided I wanted a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich. And then a potato chip sandwich. And then 2 rows of Peeps. I think I was bored, tired, influenced by cheese burgers on Survivor, and celebrating extra days off from work.

I'm not going to come down too hard on myself. I'm going to try to examine why I'm making poor eating choices. If I record them here, maybe I can stop the cycle.

4/12/06

I've done well today, for the most part. The only thing I've eaten that was not good for me was 4 caramel filled chocolate candies.

Tone and tighten was cancelled due to lack of teacher, so I did an upper body workout.

In my devotions this morning, I found a really encouraging passage:

10So here's what I think: The best thing you can do right now is to finish what you started last year and not let those good intentions grow stale. 11Your heart's been in the right place all along. You've got what it takes to finish it up, so go to it. 12Once the commitment is clear, you do what you can, not what you can't. The heart regulates the hands.

II Corinthians 8:10-12, The Message

That really helped me focus today. Do what I can, not what I can't. If God thinks I have what it takes to finish what I started, then I can!

4/11/06

Well, today went better. I watched my portions carefully, even at dinner. We went for Thai, and I probably ate a little too much of my Pad Thai, but not by much. Sean bought some Reese's Bites for desert, and I had only 4. A serving is aproximately 16. The 4 had roughly 55 calories and 3 g fat. I exercised portion control. I feel better about myself tonight.

I walked at lunch again today. Walked yesterday, too, then did yard work. I will go to tone and tighten class tomorrow at lunch. Thursday, I'm going to lunch w/girlfriends, and might walk that evening, or do some weights and abs. Not sure what I'll do Friday; might go the the park and walk if it is nice, since I have the day off. Or might wait to see if Sean wants to walk.

I think it might help if I try to get on here more often, even if I don't write much. I said I wanted a place to be honest. I guess that should include bad days, too.

4/10/06

Weighed last Friday. Down .1 lb. I don't think that really counts.

I do pretty well with my eating at work, but at home, I just eat way too much. Ate too much tonight, too. I'll keep trying. It's kinda discouraging. I feel like I just don't have enough will power or desire. I want to lose weight, but I don't want to work for it. I do well, then beat myself up. That's a bad cycle. How do I break it?

4/1/06

It's been over 2 weeks since I last wrote. Wonder why that is? I've been off on a FABULOUS vacation in France!

April Fool's!

Really, I've been eating poorly and not working out much. Last time I weighed I was at 344.9. We've had carry-in's at work, and I've just not felt like working out. Probably because I've been making poor eating choices. It's a vicious circle.

But back up on the horse again. I have made very good choices all day today. I went to bed last night thinking I'd have oatmeal for breakfast. Start out right, and see how much weight I can lose in the next 2 weeks before Easter and before I get a shorter hair cut. But, when I got up, I was not in the mood for oatmeal. I did see 2 snack sized bags of potato chips, and thought I might have a potato chips sandwich. But then I would feel really bad about myself. Not a good way to start the day. Plus, I was going shopping later and didn't want to feel fatter. I looked in the freezer and found the Aldi's version of lean pockets, Southwestern Veggie, and it made a fine breakfast. Only 5g of fat; low cal, too. I had 2 T of sour cream with it, too. I continued to make good choices the rest of the day, down to the Aldi's version of a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich (130 cal, 1.5g fat) that I just had for desert.

I got a cute skirt at Fashion Bug, both for Easter and a wedding I'm going to attend this summer. I got a tee and a tank to wear with it. The tee is a little bit snug right now, which is part of the see how much I can lose in 2 weeks thing. Plus, with the shorter hair, I'd like to lose some more chin.