7/1/07

Didn't do a weigh-in this week. I'm off until Thursday, and will weigh then.

I've continued my current routine of stress eating lately. Hopefully, these few days off work will help that situation. And actually, I haven't eaten too terribly the last 2 days. And I did yard work tonight, so that will count as exercise. Cut down a lot of vines and trimmed some trees. Plan on getting the yard mowed tomorrow.

6/22/07

334.2

Down 1/2 lb from last week. Okay. Goal for next week, well, no specific weight goal. I want to be down. I want to pay more attention to my eating. Eat more slowly. Drink more water. Work out at least 2 times. I think that this is good; I haven't set any goals for a while.

I think part of the reason I am in my funk, mood, don't want to care attitude is that I am not going to reach my 40x40 goal. Like so many other things in my life, I started well, but didn't finish. Except, 40 doesn't have to be the finish line. Yes, it was a goal I had set for myself. And I missed it. And I am going to have to be okay with that. But I can set new goals, and just achieve them in a longer time. I'm still going to be 40 and FABULOUS!!!! My weigh doesn't change that!!!!!

So, I think the combo of stress/running at full steam all the time at work, not reaching my goals, and as much as I try to deny it, the number 40, have all contributed to my lackluster eating habits. I say 40 doesn't bother me, but I look at some other people around me, 40 or younger, and they seem to have accomplished so much more than I have. But let's look at what I have accomplished: I have a good marriage. I have a good paying, albeit currently stressful job. I have a great community of friends. I have started playing horn again, which fills a part of me that had been empty for a quite a while. And I seem to be developing a self-awareness that will serve me well. I have a husband and a core group of friends that help me keep things in perspective. They help me see that I'm both not so bad and not so great! Yeah, so I'm overweight. I'll eventually get to my goals. I do feel that I'm learning a lot along the way. Which may be the most important thing.

Gee, I can be really philosophical at midnight!

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

6/15/07

334.8

as of yesterday. Same few pounds, up and down.

Tried to update my weight ticker, but blogspot won't let me use that function right now. Bummer.

Not much to say tonight. I'm sure those of you who stop by here regularly are tired of reading the same old thing, as much as I'm tired of posting the same old thing. Which is why I haven't posted much lately.

It will be okay. I will get past this slump. Just not sure I want to right now.

6/6/07

333.2.

Down 3.3 lbs since last week. Maybe because I actually worked out, albeit gently, a few times this past week. We took a lovely walk last evening, for about 20 minutes.

I feel like I did well with eating today. Not out of control. Not stuffed. Satisfied. It's a nice feeling!

6/4/07

Never did make it to the "dirt fest" this week-end. But I can still employ the sharing food plan if I make it to the Vigo County Fair. (Wanna go, Kelly?)

Eating was not so good this week-end. I keep giving in to a "what the heck" attitude. Today was better. Mostly controlled portions. In a significant success, I stopped at 2 pieces of Pizza Hut pizza at lunch, despite the fact that there was much more left. And I stayed in the break room without being desperate to have more. I got out my beading and got busy, and soon realized that I was content with what I had eaten. Yay! I am up too late right now playing on the computer, and I was hungry, because we ate dinner pretty early, since I had Terre Haute Community Band rehearsal tonight. So I got a snack of McDonald's apple dippers, minus the dip. My friend Nate had gotten them by accident yesterday, and left them here for me. A tasty and nutritious snack that I feel good about!

6/2/07

Wednesday night, I did a Pilate's for beginners DVD that I picked up at Dollar Tree, one of my FAVORITE stores. I thought it was pretty good stretching, but really realized how much so on Thursday, when my quads were quite tender. Especially getting up and down all day getting patients' tickets. Thursday, I mowed the front yard and about 3/4 of the back. Nothing on Friday.

Eating for Thursday was pretty good. Yesterday, not so much. It was very busy at work, and we were short handed. So, looking back, I think it was just stress eating. The day went well, and we all worked together well, but it was non-stop, and carby goodness seemed comforting.

I'm hoping to go with some friends to the Fairbanks Park Art & Music Festival ("Dirt Fest" to the locals) today and enjoy/indulge in some fair food. A couple of friends wanted to go, and it ends this week-end, but we haven't been able to get together yet. I think the plan is that we'll get several things and share, so we won't be completely pigging out.

336.5

Up 5 lbs since the last time I weighed, 2 weeks ago. I just didn't want to know last week. Not so thrilled with this week, either, but it is about what I expected. I'm sure anyone reading this is getting tired of seeing me post about refocusing, again, but that's what I'm doing, again. And I am revising my 40x40 goal. My birthday is in 6 weeks. I can't lose 36 lbs by then. Even if I had that kind of discipline, I would be hurting myself. And if I did have that kind of discipline, I wouldn't be where I am. So I am shooting for 20 lbs. And that will be 40 lbs total, since October 2005. Not so much, really, but at least the right direction.

I did 100 crunches last night. I plan to do some sort of exercise tonight; not sure what. I know exercise is key to me losing weight, but I just haven't wanted to lately. So I haven't. Back to the discipline again. Which has also been the focus of my devotional time this last week. Part of my reading is in Proverbs, and everything I've been journaling about is discipline. So maybe that's an indication of good things to come.

5/21/07

Still haven't gotten those rocks moved to the front of the house...

On Saturday, I worked at a Habitat for Humanity build in West Terre Haute. The site supervisor wisely put me in the group not involved with installing windows and doors, or anything that took any actual skills. I shovelled and leveled dirt in the back for the deck, and helped dig post holes. Manually. (note to self: when we put in our deck, RENT A POWER AUGER!!) Wasn't as sore as I expected the next day, except for my hands. It sure felt like a good work-out. Thought I'd plant flowers and move rocks that afternoon, but for some reason I was pooped, so it will wait.

Altogether, I think I did reasonably well with eating this week-end. And particularly today. We'll see what the scales say Wednesday.

5/18/07

A little progress, a little regression today. And I choose to be okay with that.

Had a REALLY nummy breakfast souffle thingie from Panera this morning. Could have eaten more than one, but I was full, so I didn't need too. Then, while walking past the break room to go to the bathroom, saw all the delicious free food sitting there. More souffles, bagels, fruit and stuff. But I wasn't hungry. So while in the bathroom, I prayed (I do a lot of my prayer there--quiet, solitary--God knows what I'm in there for, so I figure he doesn't care where I'm at!) to resist the food, and eat again when I was full. And I did resist! Yay me! When I was hungry again, I did have 1/2 a souffle. I had salad for lunch, and stopped when I was full, instead of eating it all because it is a "good" food. And since I wanted something sweet to finish the meal, I had fruit instead of some gooey breakfast thing still leftover. Reasonable snack after work, too.

Now to the regression. It was really busy and stressful at work today, and I even said out loud that I'd like to binge, because of the stress. But I decided (also said out loud) that I could still make good choices. Good to start with. But then for supper, I made spaghetti and turkey meatballs. The bad part was the ENTIRE loaf of garlic bread I ate. We stopped at a local spaghetti shop and got 2 loaves of their garlic bread to go with dinner; 1 for each of us. I knew I shouldn't have, but wanted it so I did it anyway.

2/3rds of the day was full of good choices. That is progress, and I will continue with my progress. I can't break 39 years of bad habits in a couple of weeks. But I will break them, in time and with God's help. Again, I choose to be okay with today.

(Okay, I just looked at the nutritional info for the souffle I had. UGH! But fat make food taste good, and it was DELICIOUS!)

5/17/07

331.4

Not a lot, but downward, so I'm satisfied.

I've been eating past full for the last few days. I've done better today, though. And I actually exercised last night. I did 3 sets 15 each of isolation biceps curls and overhead triceps extensions, both with 10lb weights, and shoulder press and side arm raise with 5lb weights. Tonight we're going to mow, and possible move some rocks for a border in front of the house.

5/14/07

Well, I'm in the wait list group, or control group, for the study, not the weight loss group. I'm kind of bummed, but I will still get the opportunity to do the program in 10 months or so. And I still get paid. I will go in for more paperwork and blood work periodically. And when they offer me the chance to do the program, I intend to take it. I'm still going to work with the intuitive eating thing, so far as I know it. But I need to check and see if I can actually research it on my own, or if I should just go with what I already know.

For the good news, I'm down 1lb over the week-end. And that's even after I ate breakfast. That's 2 week-ends in a row now that I've either lost or stayed the same. Not much of a streak, yet, but I intend to stretch it out!

Had our first rehearsal for the Terre Haute Community Band tonight. I play French horn, and it has been at least 8 years since I played with any regularity. I think my mouthpiece may be permanently embedded in my lips! I had a lot of fun! Forgot what a work-out it is. We rehearsed for 2 hours. I got a little winded in the last half-hour, and my left arm is really tired. I really expected my right arm, which supports the weight of the horn, to be worse. We rehearse each Monday, and we have concerts every other Saturday evening starting June 9.

5/13/07

Happy Mother's Day!

Did real well with my eating yesterday. Went with my friend Kelly for breakfast at Cracker Barrel, then some shopping. Usually, when I go to Cracker Barrel, I automatically order something with biscuits and gravy. I loves me some biscuits and gravy! But it felt too heavy yesterday morning, so I got Eggs in a Basket, with turkey sausage and hash brown casserole. Ate slowly while chatting w/Kelly, and enjoyed my food, and felt full, not stuffed. A nice feeling! Eating that way continued the rest of the day.

I finally got some exercise in! We took a lovely walk on the National Road Heritage Trail. We went out the trail head in Seelyville, for a change of scenery. And it is nicely shaded, which will be great later this summer when it is warmer. Below are some pics from that excursion.

I think it would be a cool idea to allow graffiti artists to decorate the bottom of the overpasses, not just along the trail but all over town. There are some talented artists out there, and the city could sponsor a contest or something. I'm sure it would be hard to prevent other people from covering up the artwork, but I think it's a good idea to look into.

5/11/07--part 2

Did pretty well with the intuitive eating today. It was cool to be hungry, eat one (only one!) chocolate chip cookie, and not have to feel bad about it. And, at lunch, I had a chicken salad sandwich and some steamed broccoli, and 1 serving spoon full of mac and cheese. Not a ton. And I was happy with that. Mac and cheese can be a huge binge starter for me.

Went for my paperwork and interview for the weight loss study this afternoon. TONS of paperwork. How do you feel about this, that and the other. Then an interview about some of my answers. I go Monday morning for my blood work. Unless something is wonky with that, I will be in the study. And I'll find out Monday morning before I leave which group I'm in; weight loss or wait list. I hope the weight loss group, but either will be fine.

5/11/07

331.8

Down 3.3 lbs from last weeks official weigh-in. So the intuitive eating must be working. I am especially happy that I did not gain over the week-end. I need to make time for more exercise, and stop making excuses. Tuesday night, I mowed the front yard for my exercise. It was very hot, but we waited until about 7, and it had cooled down nicely.
I'm trying again to eat more fruit and veggies. I've actually been wanting veggies lately. Monday night we ordered out, and instead of a calzone, I actually wanted a salad. I picked up some oranges and apples yesterday to snack on.

Typed the above on Wednesday. The last few days I've experienced the normal struggles. Trying to break the habit of eating past full. And of eating on auto-pilot. Exercise is a struggle, too. I'm not working out at lunch, and I don't work out at home because I'm too tired or have other stuff to do. I need to 1)get more sleep, and B)stop making excuses and just do it.

5/7/07

Weighed in today, just to see. I weighed the same as on Thursday, which was a couple of pounds less than the official weigh-in on Wednesday. I take that as a good sign, and that the more "intuitive" approach I'm taking is working, since I normally see a gain after the week-end.

Ate well today. Although I really need to get past this "good" and "bad" thing. But I'll probably always find some way to quantify or define it. Anyhow, let myself get a little too hungry at the end of the work day, but when I got home, after a little shopping, (BTW, I got a pair of black capris at Fashion Bug for $5.71 after 30% off and a $10 off coupon!!!!) I had a pb&j on 1 slice of bread. I figured if that didn't do the trick, I could always get another. But it did the trick nicely!

I'll be at the South office a long time tomorrow. We have patients scheduled until noon, so if I get out of there by 1, I'll be doing good. I need to make sure to take snackage, and probably my lunch. I got some frozen fruit out to defrost for a snack or maybe breakfast, and I have a banana this is just this side of too ripe, so I need to eat it tomorrow.

For what will pass as exercise tonight, we pulled ivy from around the foundation/out from under the siding. Tomorrow, we're going to mow, and probably pull some more ivy.

5/6/07

Slept in today, then made brunch. Scrambled eggs w/turkey ham, mushrooms, and potatoes. Only had 3 eggs, so it was more stuff w/scrambled eggs than scrambled eggs w/stuff. And 2 slices whole wheat toast. Then we went for a walk in the beautiful weather.

Did well all day with mindful eating. Ate when I was hungry, and didn't eat to the point of being uncomfortable. Pleasantly full, or maybe a little past that at supper. Something new for me today, though. I left food in the skillet and pan at brunch and supper. Normally, because it is there, I will eat it. I've been trying to put in to practice the thought that if I want more, it will still be there. And usually I'm satisfied with what I have on my plate. Also, I had bread and butter for supper, and I only ate about 1/2 a slice.

5/4/07

The mindful eating, intuitive eating, has been going well. I've been trying to pay attention to when I'm hungry, and how I'm hungry, and eat accordingly. I've been pretty successful at slowing down, too. I did eat too much at lunch today, right past satisfied and full, and on to a little uncomfortable. This will take some practice.

I have stopped reading Eating Mindfully and reading the e-mail I signed up for, though. I got a call from ISU about the study I called about. From the sounds of it, it will involve some of the same principles, and when I mentioned the book, the lady said to stop reading it at this point. I don't think I've read enough to disqualify me from the study. It is a NIH study, and will involve 10 weeks of meetings, and then follow up for 10 months. The is a study group and a wait list group, and even the wait list group gets the opportunity to do the program after the 10 months, so it's a win/win situation. And everyone gets paid $160. I go for interview/paperwork on next Friday, and lab work the following Monday. The program starts the next day, so I guess I'll find out that day or the next if I'm in or not. I'll keep you posted.

5/2/07

335.1

Not surprised there. I hope some is related to my period, but it is more likely my eating.

I read some of the information on intuitive eating on-line last night. It makes a lot of sense. My Mindful Eating book was mentioned on one site. I have it with me today, and may read it at lunch. I have my devotions to read first, though.

Today's goals (8:22 am):
64 oz water
controlled portions
slower eating

I won't have time to exercise today as I have ArtReach and rehearsal tonight.

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So far so good today (4:40pm). Had a 4" subway roast beef sandwich
w/lots of veggies, lite mayo and mustard, and some broccoli salad for
lunch. And a 100 calorie Hershey's wafer bar for desert. Got hungry
again around 4, and had a 90 calorie bag of Quaker Mini Delights, so
that I wouldn't be starving by dinner. I have gotten in all my water,
and will drink more later, too.

*****************************************************************

For dinner, I had 1/2 a thin crust steak fajita pizza. I ate slowly, and was still hungry, so I had some potato sticks w/spicy buffalo dressing. I feel full now, but not stuffed.

I received an e-mail I signed up for about intuitive eating, with steps to start eating that way. I'll read it in the next couple of days.

5/1/07

Okay, so today is a new day, and I am ready to pick back up and start over again. Yes, I was down on myself last night. But I'll be starting my period soon, too, and that accounts for some of the moodiness.

Goals for today (I'm typing this at 8:25 am):
64 oz water
controlled portion sizes
exercise (yard work, walk, or weights)

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I think I may just be an idiot. I knew I wanted to control my portions today. I took lunch late, and I hadn't eaten a snack, so I was very hungry. I had a pretty large lunch; baked potato w/taco meat and nacho cheese, some nachos (drug rep lunch). That was bad enough. But then I went back for seconds. I knew I was full. I didn't even enjoy it that much. But I did it anyway. What I also did was call one of our local universities, Indiana State, to see about a weight loss study through the psychology department. The ad asks if you feel out of control around food. Sometimes, a lot of the time, yes. It is a 10 week program, with a year of follow up. You could get paid $160. It can't hurt, and it might help. I'm waiting for them to call back.

****************************************************************

So for dinner tonight I had a calzone w/chicken, spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes and cheese, and 2 1/2 bread sticks. A lot of bread, but not out of control. Ate slowly (for me) and enjoyed it. Thought about having some ice cream, but I will pass.

Andrea K. left a comment about intuitive eating. I'm going to do some research and see what that is about.

I have met my water goal. I have met my controlled portion goal for 2 of 3 meals. I'm not going to get in any exercise today.