3/28/07

330.8

Same as last week basically. And since I was sick and didn't work out much, I am okay with that. We took a 25 minute walk last night. We had a very nice breeze. We are going to stay at 25 minutes for a while, and then bump it up to 30. Eating was better yesterday, but still room for improvement.


The doctor gave me a script for prevachol, which is available generically at wal-mart for $4. I asked about going off the med after I bring the numbers down and lose weight. He said we could try it. He mentioned 50 lbs, which I was thinking too. We also discussed going off my blood pressure meds as I lose weight. He is willing to reduce it then and see what happens. So that is a reward to look forward to as I lose weight. He also gave me a z-pack for my cold. Said I should start to notice a difference in 3 days.

3/27/06

Had a great week-end at my parent's with family in from out of town, and celebrating my Dad's birthday. Over-ate some. But the big triumph was not eating any of Dad's ice cream cake. I had strawberries and bananas w/Splenda instead.

Finally exercised again yesterday. We walked for 20 minutes. We plan on walking again today, for at least 25 minutes.

Sean's blood glucose has come down 30 points! His doctor wants him to continue with what he's doing check blood work again in 2 months. I made an appointment to see my doctor Wednesday about my cholesterol. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

3/22/07

A couple of posts ago, I was beating up on myself about how hard it is to do the right thing. In today's Lenten devotional, based on Matthew 18:28-35, the writer really pegged it:

"Old habits are hard to break, even when alternatives are always before us."

This brought to mind Isaiah 43:18-19:

Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

I've been choosing the old paths lately. I'm tired, or too hungry, or stressed, and it takes more energy to go down a new path, so I go down the old path. But the old paths only lead to the same old places. I need to make a different choice. Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where George needs to make opposite choices of what he would normally do? That's what I need to do: the opposite of what my instincts tell me.

BTW, I've added a link to a blog I read faithfully, Onederful Bound. Andrea K is a very inspirational lady, and I think you'll enjoy her blog, too.

3/21/07

330.5

Very please with that. Down 3 lbs from last week, at least from the official Tuesday weigh-in. Didn't do anything at lunch. I started getting a sore throat last night at choir rehearsal, and it was still sore today and I feel puny, so I just did beading on a bracelet for my uncle. (so if you read this before I see you, Terry, act surprised!) I ate a little too much, but had not eaten much so far today, so it will probably even out. At least, that's my rationalization for today.

********

I think the reason I've been so tired the last few days is because I was getting sick. I stayed home all evening, watching tv and beading. I'm posting this Thursday morning, and my throat is not so sore as yesterday, but I'm pretty congested and stuff seems to be settling in my chest. I usually get sick a few weeks before major singing events (Christmas, Easter) so this is not a big surprise.

My friend Shauna e-mailed me some encouragement, and another blogger that I read faithfully left an encouraging comment here for me too, regarding my beating up on myself. I seem to be past that, today anyhow.

This morning's devotional was really good. I'll post more about that later.

3/20/07--evening

Came here tonight to beat up on myself awhile. We didn't go for a walk. I was tired, so I took a nap instead. And I ate too much today. Again.

Why can't I just do what I know is right? Why does it have to be such a struggle to eat right and exercise? I know so much about what to eat and what not to eat, how much to eat, what to do. Why can't I just put it into practice?

Okay, so tomorrow will be a better day. I will go up to the gym and do something at lunch. And I will try to eat less, and better.

Just why does it have to be so hard???

(sorry, done whining now.)

3/20/07

Did better with my eating yesterday. Had too large of an evening snack, but I did eat a smaller supper to compensate. I waited too long for a snack, and got too hungry, so I wanted a lot of snack. Also had too much salt, which is reflected in some bloat this morning.

Sean and I took a walk last evening. One block further than last time. We plan on walking tonight, too. It's supposed to be near 70 today. The rest of the week calls for a chance of rain nearly every day, but I don't think it's supposed to be all day every day, so we're going to try to get more walking in. I need to do some weights and abs, too.

3/17

Happy St.Patrick's Day!

Took another walk at lunch yesterday. It was very breezy, and I should have worn my jacket. But once I got going I warmed up. Walked about a mile again.

Ate almost an entire box of Cheez-It Stix last night. Sean took a small, sensible portion, and I ate the rest. Mindlessly. While watching What Not to Wear. Great way to start the week-end. Ate a lot today, too. I can probably have a cheat day, but I need to get it down to one day. Right now, Friday's and Saturday's seem to be my cheat days. I need to get a lot stricter on the rest of the week, too.

3/16/07

Weighed in at 331.8 yesterday morning. After eating breakfast at home. That felt a little better. I want to try to get back to at least 329.1 by next Wednesday; hopefully below.

My doctor's nurse called me Tuesday. Since my cholesterol was still too high, he wants me to make an appointment to discuss treatment options. My first reaction was to get all huffy and think "I'm not going to take statin drugs." But once I calmed down, I will go ahead and make the appointment. I still don't want to take statins, but that's not the only option, and I don't even know that that's what he'll want me to do. I haven't been faithful to my fish oil/oatmeal routine, so I am going to try to be more so. I don't like the fishy burps I get
from the fish oil caps, so once I'm out of this bottle I'm going to switch to flax seed oil. Sean's going to take it, too.

Did weights yesterday at lunch. Today will be something aerobic, either in the gym, or outside if it is not too cold/raining.

Eating went better yesterday. Overate a little at dinner, but otherwise, pretty good. And I did eat my oatmeal and take 2 doses of fish oil.

3/14/07

333.5

Can't say I wasn't expecting that. Reaped what I sewed. I have just wanted to eat and eat this week, and I have. Haven't wanted to exercise, and I haven't. I did walk for about 10 minutes on lunch yesterday. It was beautiful. High yesterday got to 82 or so. I didn't want to walk at all, and I almost puttered around enough that I didn't have time, but I figured some was better than nothing, so I did it. Maybe if I do something even when I don't want to, I'll break out of this slump. I need to refocus. Again. I guess I shouldn't feel too badly about that. Refocus is necessary all the time, in all of life. An adjustment, a change of course, is pretty much par for the course. Keep changing things up until you find what works. So if you see my motivation out there anywhere, send it back my way, please!

*************

Walked for 25 minutes at lunch. It was beautiful out again. It got up to around 74. It's getting ready to rain this evening, and I wanted to get out and enjoy the day. And I did enjoy my walk. So maybe I'm finding my motivation again somewhere.

Today at lunch, for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel stuffed after I ate. I'm going to try to get my portions back in control, and eat more slowly.

*************

Here are the words from a song we rehearsed tonight for church Sunday night. I want to make it my prayer; for eating, for everything.

The Answer
Shane & Shane

I've tried more of me, and I've come up dry
Trading you for things, things that go away

My happiness is found in less of me and more of you
My happiness is found in less of me and more...

I have found the answer is to love you and be loved by you alone
Alright, alright, alright
You crucify me and the world to me and I will only boast in you
Alright, alright, alright.

Oh so satisfied, at the thought of you
Growing up in me, covering everything

My happiness is found in less of me and more of you
My happiness is found in less of me and more...

I have found the answer is to love you and be loved by you alone
Alright, alright, alright
You crucify me and the world to me and I will only boast in you
Alright, alright, alright.

3/13/07

We did go get our walk Sunday. About 20 minutes or so. Good first walk for the spring. Sean will need to work up to a longer time. It was a beautiful day, although the breeze was a little chilly.

Did 15 minutes on the elliptical yesterday. The chiller (whatever that is) in our building is busted, and it was SOOOO hot everywhere, including the gym. I was tired, and hot, and 15 minutes was all I could take.

Didn't mention it Sunday, cause I was hoping it would end on Sunday, but it didn't; I've been eating like a pig since Friday. Just haven't really cared enough to moderate it. Don't know if it is hormones, laziness or what. Actually, I suspect carbs are involved. They are addictive, and a big trigger food for me. I really need to find balance there.

Today's Lenten devotional writer understands:

I am a food addict, carbohydrates in particular. I especially lose all control around bread products. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic has taught me much about addictions. We often talk about the addiction to alcohol being different than the addiction to food. You can live without alcohol; you can’t live without food. She can avoid alcohol; I can’t avoid food. I can moderate my behavior toward food but that is more easily said than done.
Because of my unhealthy relationship with bread, the image of God as the Bread of Life has not been helpful. The kind of bread I buy at the bakery is not life-giving. I am never satisfied, and trying to satisfy the hunger only causes shame and insecurity, drawing me deeper into the chaos of addiction.
Then it dawned on me when receiving Holy Communion. It was the chaos that Jesus redeemed. When I leave the Lord’s Table, fed with the Bread of Life, my head is satisfied with the truth of Christ; my heart is content with Jesus as the object of my affection. My hope is nourished and my desire satiated, for what can I wish for more than to know Christ — hungry no more.

Heidi Hagstrom

Here's the scripture it's based on:

Very truly, I tell you, whoever believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh."

John 6:47-51

My prayer today is that God will make my priorities right. Instead of always thinking about food, I need to always thing about Christ; the bread of life. I need to put food in it's proper place and perspective.

So may we all.

3/11/07

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. Been busy. Intended to walk Thursday evening w/Sean, but got sidetracked. Didn't do anything Friday or yesterday, either. We are going for a walk this morning after Sean wakes up. It has been beautiful here the last few days. I think spring might finally be making her appearance. My crocus are blooming, and my daffodils are starting to come up. The city did some construction last summer, and I know my flowers have been disturbed, so once they all come up, I'm going to take pictures so I know where I need to plant in the fall. I don't do a lot of flowers, but I like bulbs, because you pretty much plant them and forget them. And if any needed thinned out, the city probably took care of that for me!

Got the results of my blood work for the company physical back:

Chol.: 12/5--234; 3/7--233; desirable <200
HDL: 12/5--41; 3/7--48; desirable >50
LDL: 12/5--167; 3/7--161; desirable <130
Chol/HDL ratio: 12/5--5.7; 3/7--4/9; desirable <2.6
Trig.: 12/5--130; 3/7--121; desirable <150
Glucose: 12/5--119; 3/7--101; desirable <100
TSH: 12/5--1.10; 3/7--2/36; desirable .4-4.5


I am particularly happy that the triglycerides and glucose have come down. I have more work to do on the cholesterol. Besides trying to eat lower fat, I'm going to add flax seed oil, and go back to oatmeal. :^( Got kinda tired of oatmeal, but oh well.

Sean's getting up, so it's time to go take that walk. Enjoy your day!

3/7/07.2

329.1!

Down 1.7, and out of the 30s. In the past 2 months, I've lost 10.5 lbs. I need to do my measurements again. I have a couple of pairs of jeans that I wear a belt with, and I have noticed that I have to do it up a little tighter. I don't know if the changes are such that any one else can notice yet, but I do. I tried on the elusive black scrub pants last week, and they still aren't fit for public consumption. The waist is getting looser, but the tummy looks like I have a butt in the front! UGH! I'll try them again in 10 more pounds.

I'm happy with the loss over the last 2 months. It is a little off my desired pace, and if I keep losing at the same rate I will miss my 40x40 goal. However, it is still great progress. I am going to try to increase the loss. There is definitely more room for improving both my eating and my exercise. But that does not diminish my accomplishment so far. I am very happy with what I have achieved.

Weight work-out today. Did 2 sets 15 each of seated chest press, leg extensions, triceps pull-down, low back extension, standing hamstring curls, seated shoulder press and biceps curls. Did it in a circuit again.

I'm having blood work drawn tomorrow, as part of our company insurance wellness program. For some reason, I'm not expecting better results than last year, even though I have lost weight, exercised, and done some better with my eating. I'll post results as I have them.

3/7/07

I had a pretty good eating week-end. Didn't really eat too much, I don't think. I did eat a lot of carbs, though, and I've been watching that the last 2 days to get that in control.

Didn't work out Monday. Yesterday I did 20 minutes on the cross trainer on the weight loss program. Today I plan on doing weights. I'm writing this before work, so I'll let you know how the weigh-in goes. I've weighted the last 2 mornings, after I've eaten breakfast, though, and I may see a gain.

3/4/07

Today's Lenten devotional really hit home for me. Here's the scripture:


Do not fret because of the wicked; do not be envious of wrongdoers, for they will soon fade like the grass, and wither like the green herb. Trust in the Lord, and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will make your vindication shine like the light, and the justice of your cause like the noonday. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him; do not fret over those who prosper in their way, over those who carry out evil devices. Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath. Do not fret - it leads only to evil. For the wicked shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land. Yet a little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look diligently for their place, they will not be there. But the meek shall inherit the land, and delight themselves in abundant prosperity.

Psalm 37:1-11

I'm in a situation where I am seeking the approval of others, and I'm not really sure why. I don't know that they are quite "evil", but theirs are not lives I want to emulate, yet my insecurity leads me to desire approval and acceptance. But the approval I really need to seek is God's.

The title for today's devotion is Blessed are the Meek. I know the work meek, but I wanted to see what the dictionary had to say:

meek
Main Entry:
meek
Pronunciation:
\ˈmēk\
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Middle English, of Scandinavian origin; akin to Old Norse mjūkr gentle; akin to Welsh esmwyth soft
Date:
13th century
1 : enduring injury with patience and without resentment : mild 2 : deficient in spirit and courage : submissive 3 : not violent or strong : moderate
— meek·ly adverb
— meek·ness noun

Definition 1 is especially applicable here. Turning the other cheek. Waiting for God to move. Waiting for me to grow and mature.

Here is how the devotion finished up. It is a wonderful benediction, and my prayer:

Go now, beloved child of God; go in the knowledge that you are blessed. With the promise of blessing to come, live a life given to God, a life of meekness, trust and determination.

3/3/07

Ate like a pig Wednesday night after ArtReach. Just kept shoving food into my mouth. Then Thursday morning, I almost ate a donut without even thinking. Someone brought them in to work, and there was a maple-top cream-filled one, which is my fave. But I figured it would just make me feel worse about myself, so I didn't eat it. Then, at lunch, I could smell the donuts, and realized, you can't eat one of those, you gave up sweets for Lent! So I'm extra glad I didn't eat it.

Thursday night, I went to Kelly's house to do yoga then watch Survivor. The yoga tape had a Christian focus, and was fun. Worked up a little bit of a sweat, and neither of us fell over, so that was good. One of her cats, Max the Manx, decided he wanted to lie on my yoga mat. I guess it was comfy! I was sore on Friday, but nothing a couple of Advil couldn't handle. Today, my triceps are sore. Friday I did cardio, 20 minutes on cross trainer, so I couldn't be that. All I can figure is that downward dog made me sore. Oh well. If schedules allow, I think we're going to do yoga again this Thursday.

I had to go to the gas station to get a bag of ice tonight, and I was surrounded by candy. I really wanted some, too, but instead opted for some sugar-free Life Savers Fruit Tarts. Pretty tasty. I wanted to buy some cottage cheese, too, figuring on binging. But, a cottage cheese binge is nothing without potato chips, which I have also given up for Lent, so no go there. Hopefully, I'll make some good eating and spiritual habits during this season.

My devotional today mentioned mourning the loss of the familiar again. But I think maybe I would like to experience some unknown. Like what it's like to eat appropriate portions at appropriate times. To stop when I'm full. God's gonna be there when I get to these unfamiliar places, so maybe I should just jump in.

2/28/07

330.8

Down .1 lb. I was afraid I might see a gain, after this week-end. (how many times have I written that phrase?) After a 4 lb loss in a week, I'm not surprised to stay the same. I'm going to work hard, even this week-end, to break into the 20's.

I wrote the above paragraph at work today. Apparently, my will to work hard wore off sometime this afternoon. I ate bread at lunch and for a snack. Then I had chicken lo mein and beef and broccoli with rice for supper. And 2 steamed dumplings. After ArtReach, I had 2 more dumplings, some more lo mein, and bologna and cheese. I knew that I shouldn't; I wasn't really hungry. And I had beading to do to keep my busy. But I wanted it, so I did it. Immediate gratification. At the price of reaching my goals. Some sort of mental block going on here.

Did 20 minutes on the elliptical today, while reading People magazine. I haven't been in the mood to go to class lately. Nothing to do with the class or the people, just my mood. Tomorrow I'll take a day off if my friend Kim can have lunch with me, and then probably cardio again Friday. I'm going over to my friend Kelly's house Thursday night to do yoga before Survivor.

In my journaling this morning, I figured that today's Lenten devotional would prepare me for what was coming, as yesterday's did. And I was right. Some of my goals are to think less often of myself, more often of others; to realize that I am not always right or the best. This is from today's devotional, based on James 4:1-3,6-10, and it fits me pretty well:

We live in a proud, individualistic, materialistic culture that seems to be at odds with the themes in this segment of scripture. James reminds us that we are needy and selfish, argumentative and demanding. We are entitled to instant gratification, taking what we want whether we can afford it or not. James calls us to be counter-cultural, naming the mourning we shall endure when we make the sacrifice. He reminds us that Jesus blesses us with all that we need anyway.

Realizing that you're a greedy hypocrite is never fun. This morning I dared to pray for humility, although that prayer scares me a little. But I know my God does not punish me for my prayers. He may allow things that I find unpleasant to come into my life, but it's for my good. I guess this moodiness is part of the mourning process. Mourning those old ways that I am familiar with, whether or not they are right and good. But I need to look for the comfort in my mourning. Those whom he loves he corrects. I was looking over the scriptures I picked out for my Lent inspiration, and this one stood out to me today:

Psalm 19:9-11 (The Message)

7-9 The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes. God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. The decisions of God are accurate down to the nth degree. 10 God's Word is better than a diamond, better than a diamond set between emeralds. You'll like it better than strawberries in spring, better than red, ripe strawberries. 11-14 There's more: God's Word warns us of danger and directs us to hidden treasure. Otherwise how will we find our way? Or know when we play the fool? Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh! Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over your work; Then I can start this day sun-washed, scrubbed clean of the grime of sin. These are the words in my mouth; these are what I chew on and pray. Accept them when I place them on the morning altar, O God, my Altar-Rock, God, Priest-of-My-Altar.

2/27/07, part deux

Ate WAY too much at lunch. Started out okay, with a baked potato, a little butter and sour cream, some bacon and green onions. I ate a little con queso dip also, without chips. Then I had some more con queso. Then I put some on my potato. I felt so stuffed. Which was a bummer after I had such a good work-out. It wasn't emotional eating today. It was just because it tasted good.

I did weights today. Two sets 15 each of seated chest press, leg extension, bicep curls, bent over flies, triceps pull downs, low back extension, seated shoulder press and hamstring curls. Instead of doing 2 sets in a row, I did circuit, and I felt like I got a better work-out. On the seated shoulder press, I could actually do 2 sets of 15, instead of 1 of 15 and 1 of 10. Someday, I'll actually add a weight, instead of just using the weight of the machine! (which is 15-20 lbs.)

Dinner was ham and pineapple pizza, with a few jalapenos, on a boboli crust. Quite nummy!

2/27/07

The theme for the Lenten devotional I'm using is Blessed are Those Who Mourn. Here is the intro to each lesson.

Through the season of Lent, we take a look at ourselves; we examine our lives to find those things in us that need to be changed. When we do, we may find ourselves sad at what we discover. But Jesus has told us this is an opportunity for blessing. Open your heart to be blessed today; in your mourning watch for the comfort offered by Jesus.

My current, trying to be former, ways of eating are comfortable to me, in their own warped way. My weight is the same; it is what I know, so it is the easy path. Not a path that is good for me, but I know this path. My feet go there automatically. And the same with my anxious thoughts; the paths are well-trod, I know where to place each step. So in trying to make this change, physically, spiritually, emotionally, each new step is a bit frightening. Maybe even terrifying. This is somewhere I've not been before. I'm not so keen on the unknown. I like to be in control. But really, am I ever in control? And, with my control, have I been doing such a great job?

Today's devotional was based on Psalm 23. Most often heard at funerals, I take great comfort in it for life, too. God will always provide for me, even in hard times, of my own making or those thrust upon me. When I stray from the correct path, he'll guide me back. When I'm having trouble even finding the right path, he'll be there.

The opening line of this Psalm always seems like both a confirmation and a prayer. I shall not want. God will provide. But also, I pray for my greed to go away. Greed for food, money, stuff, things, approval.

So bringing this back around to the whole mourning perspective, when I fail to meet a goal, eat too much, whatever, it is okay to mourn a bit. Mourn my old, "comfortable" lifestyle. Change is scary. It's okay to be afraid. But change I must. I trust my God, and that he is leading me into greener pastures and still waters. It will be okay. Better than okay, as my husband is fond of saying.

2/26/07

Ate poorly most of the week-end. I ate emotionally. And I knew it, too. But I didn't want to stop it. A situation had me a little sad and anxious, and I turned to food instead of God. And the scales will probably reflect it Wednesday.

I am going to fast from potato chips for Lent, too. Sweets don't seem to be such a big deal. I was eating a few, but in fairly controlled portions, such as my 100-calorie packs. However, chips are much more challenging. Sean gets single serving packs when he orders from Footers, but he doesn't usually eat them. So there were 4 packages accumulated on top of the fridge, and I managed to eat all 4 over the course of the week-end. They are a binge-starter for me. So potato chips are out. I've not been so great about limiting bread to breakfast, either. I'll eat a potato chip sandwich! (which is delicious, but TERRIBLE!) So I need to work harder on that, too.

I e-mailed the first 2 paragraphs to myself from work this morning. I'm not sure why it never occurred to me to do that before. I can do it quickly, and get down thoughts as they happen. I may be doing that more often.

Eating went well today. I intended to have some jalapeno cornbread w/supper, which was yummy chili that Sean made. But I forgot, and now have no room for it. So, in a startling and unusual move, I'm NOT GONNA EAT ANY!!!!

I did 20 minutes on the treadmill today. Started out on the weight loss program, but it went too fast too quick, so I switched to manual. Used an incline of 2, top speed of 2.7 or 2.8.

Oh, and the situation I was anxious about worked out fine. God's pretty cool like that.

2/22/07

Did a weight work out today. Arms, chest and lower back. Eating was pretty good until dinner, when I had a couple of unnecessary slices of bread and butter. However, I did not eat the sugar-free Peeps my friend Shauna gave me. (Thank you Easter bunny!) I will save them for my Easter basket. They're made with Splenda, so I doubt there will be much of a difference in taste from the regular ones.

Here's a link to the devotional I did today. The best part starts at about 3/4 down the page, with "Reflections on Lent." As Shauna pointed out on her blog, it's gonna be more than just giving up sweets. For me, it's giving up control, and/or realizing I never had control in the first place. I am the one who has chosen this path; I have said I want Christ to be the leader in my life. So I need to let him lead. The passage in 2 Chronicles really hit home for me. I think too highly of myself and my abilities, and too often. The focus needs to be on Christ. He is the one who has given me anything that I have to offer.