Friday, December 30, 2005

12/30/05

I weighed yesterday. 347.2. It's probably all water, but as long as the numbers are going the right way, I don't care.

Did 10 minutes on the elliptical yesterday. I had worked up to 15 before, but it has been awhile since I had been on it.

Today I bought my lunch instead of taking it. The Coca Moka Cafe upstairs at work has taco salad on most Fridays. I know it is not always going to be easy to count points, so I am working on portion control, too. I had them give me half the chips and meat, just a little cheese, about a tablespoon of sour cream and extra salsa. It was good, and I was satisfied. Then, for supper, I ate way too much at Red Lobster. I did make some good choices, though. I only ate 2 cheddar rolls, I ordered veggies with my lower-calorie fare (lobster chops--YUM-O!),
and brought part of my entree home. I could have done better, and will, but it is definitely a step in the right direction. I need to stop rationalizing so much, and just do it.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

12/27/05

Did 15 minutes on the treadmill today. Had a good magazine, so that helped the time go quickly. My ankle felt great. When I go to class next, I will still wear the brace, but I don't seem to need it for treadmill.

I think I did okay with my WW points. I kept close track up till supper. It is harder to figure points for supper, especially since Sean cooked, and I don't know all the ingredients (I know, it sounds like a cop out). But I was careful with my portions. And I only ate half my lunch, because the salad wasn't very good. I was full after supper, not stuffed. So I think I was okay. I packed breakfast and lunch and a snack for tomorrow, and have 18 points so far.

I wanted something sweet after lunch, so I got a diet Sprite, instead of the cookies, cake and chocolate we have laying around the office. Strokes for me! I also bought some sugar free key lime water at Aldi's. It should also help with the sweet cravings after lunch. I did find out that my hot choclate suckers only have 2 points each...and it will be worth it!

I sent a link to this site to a few friends. They have been very supportive. It will be interesting to see what happens when someone just stumbles upon this site.

Monday, December 26, 2005

12/26/05, Katchoo

This is my baby girl, Katchoo. She is a very pretty, very spoiled brown tabby.

12/26/05

Had a great Christmas. Too much food, lots of good times w/the family.

Finally got my pics from my friend. Here they are. They are from 12/18/05.




I am starting on the weight watchers point system tomorrow. I have done it before, for about a month, and done well. I'm not going to meetings or anything, costs too much. But I have the points books. I like the fact that nothing is forbidden. You just have to budget your points, just like your money. I get 32-35 points a day, and so far what I have planned out for tomorrow is 18 points.

Gotta get back to working out tomorrow, too. I think I'll do cardio, and maybe 1 set of weights.

I've told a couple more people what I weigh. Feels kinda good, yet embarassing. I've picked out a scrub outfit I want when I drop 2 sizes and can fit into more of the the cute scrubs (the cute ones only come up to 4x). I've hung it on my cube wall, to help me stay on the straight and narrow.

Monday, December 19, 2005

12/19/05

I worked out today, even though I didn't want to. But I figure the only thing I'm gonna get by not working out is fatter. And lose money. Since I paid for my fitness center membership, it helps motivate me. I want to go at least 3 time a week through the end of the the year. Then probably back to 4 days a week.

Stacy, another girl at the f.c., is going to bring me a print out of a work out. It is the beginner's version of the one she does. She does moderate.

I had a friend take pictures of me at poker yesterday. One close up of my face, for my profile, and 2 full body; frontal and side views. I'll use these to keep track of progress. I need to measure again, too.

I actually told Stacy and my friend Shauna how much I weigh today. A little scary saying it out loud. But a little freeing, too. I guess I'm approaching accountability by baby-steps. I don't really expect a lot of people to be reading this, but it is out there, and someone could. So that helps a little.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

12/18/05

I am trying something different. It feels very strange. Scary, even. I don't want to put myself out there for anyone to view. I want to be in control of how you view me. I want to control exactly what you see, and know. But I feel the need to do something different. And if I don't like it, I'll stop.

I am 5'8". I weigh 349.5 pounds, as of December 16th. This is my highest weight, within a couple of pounds. I was at 300 once before, lost some weight, and never wanted to see that number again. But here it is, plus some.

I love to eat. I love the sensation of food in my mouth. I love the different textures. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm bored. I eat for any reason and no reason at all. No, I take that back. I'm sure there is a reason. A void I am trying to fill. When I was little, I think food was the only "friend" I could count on. Might write more on that later. But now I'm grown up, and I know I should turn to Jesus to fill that void. That loneliness. But I turn to food, because it is what I know.

I weighed 160 once. I was 16 years old. I looked too skinny, when I see the pictures now. Even my husband agrees, God bless him. I am aiming for 180-200. I'd like to be there by the time I am 40, which is in 2008.

I've been working out for a little over 2 months now. Sometimes, I actually enjoy it. I definitely enjoy the benefits. And I REALLY like it when I am done. But I know I have to work out to lose weight. And I know I must eat less. That is the hard part. My pastor preached on porn a few weeks ago, and I realized that food is pretty much my porn. It is all about lust and desire; just that my lust and desire is for food. I did pretty good for one week after that sermon, and lost 2.7 pounds. But it's Christmas time, and I'm eating like a pig. And I twisted my ankle, so my work outs have been less than consistant. But, I have stayed within a pound of that loss, so I consider that maintaining. And if I can maintain over the holidays, and keep working out, I will consider that a success. And I will hit the eating thing hard after the first of the year.

I feel a bit better already. I think this will be a good outlet for me. I don't think I'll tell too many people about this. Some will probabley discover it by accident. I think just knowing that it is out there will help me. It feels like enough sharing for now. One can only be so open.