2/28/07

330.8

Down .1 lb. I was afraid I might see a gain, after this week-end. (how many times have I written that phrase?) After a 4 lb loss in a week, I'm not surprised to stay the same. I'm going to work hard, even this week-end, to break into the 20's.

I wrote the above paragraph at work today. Apparently, my will to work hard wore off sometime this afternoon. I ate bread at lunch and for a snack. Then I had chicken lo mein and beef and broccoli with rice for supper. And 2 steamed dumplings. After ArtReach, I had 2 more dumplings, some more lo mein, and bologna and cheese. I knew that I shouldn't; I wasn't really hungry. And I had beading to do to keep my busy. But I wanted it, so I did it. Immediate gratification. At the price of reaching my goals. Some sort of mental block going on here.

Did 20 minutes on the elliptical today, while reading People magazine. I haven't been in the mood to go to class lately. Nothing to do with the class or the people, just my mood. Tomorrow I'll take a day off if my friend Kim can have lunch with me, and then probably cardio again Friday. I'm going over to my friend Kelly's house Thursday night to do yoga before Survivor.

In my journaling this morning, I figured that today's Lenten devotional would prepare me for what was coming, as yesterday's did. And I was right. Some of my goals are to think less often of myself, more often of others; to realize that I am not always right or the best. This is from today's devotional, based on James 4:1-3,6-10, and it fits me pretty well:

We live in a proud, individualistic, materialistic culture that seems to be at odds with the themes in this segment of scripture. James reminds us that we are needy and selfish, argumentative and demanding. We are entitled to instant gratification, taking what we want whether we can afford it or not. James calls us to be counter-cultural, naming the mourning we shall endure when we make the sacrifice. He reminds us that Jesus blesses us with all that we need anyway.

Realizing that you're a greedy hypocrite is never fun. This morning I dared to pray for humility, although that prayer scares me a little. But I know my God does not punish me for my prayers. He may allow things that I find unpleasant to come into my life, but it's for my good. I guess this moodiness is part of the mourning process. Mourning those old ways that I am familiar with, whether or not they are right and good. But I need to look for the comfort in my mourning. Those whom he loves he corrects. I was looking over the scriptures I picked out for my Lent inspiration, and this one stood out to me today:

Psalm 19:9-11 (The Message)

7-9 The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes. God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. The decisions of God are accurate down to the nth degree. 10 God's Word is better than a diamond, better than a diamond set between emeralds. You'll like it better than strawberries in spring, better than red, ripe strawberries. 11-14 There's more: God's Word warns us of danger and directs us to hidden treasure. Otherwise how will we find our way? Or know when we play the fool? Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh! Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over your work; Then I can start this day sun-washed, scrubbed clean of the grime of sin. These are the words in my mouth; these are what I chew on and pray. Accept them when I place them on the morning altar, O God, my Altar-Rock, God, Priest-of-My-Altar.

2/27/07, part deux

Ate WAY too much at lunch. Started out okay, with a baked potato, a little butter and sour cream, some bacon and green onions. I ate a little con queso dip also, without chips. Then I had some more con queso. Then I put some on my potato. I felt so stuffed. Which was a bummer after I had such a good work-out. It wasn't emotional eating today. It was just because it tasted good.

I did weights today. Two sets 15 each of seated chest press, leg extension, bicep curls, bent over flies, triceps pull downs, low back extension, seated shoulder press and hamstring curls. Instead of doing 2 sets in a row, I did circuit, and I felt like I got a better work-out. On the seated shoulder press, I could actually do 2 sets of 15, instead of 1 of 15 and 1 of 10. Someday, I'll actually add a weight, instead of just using the weight of the machine! (which is 15-20 lbs.)

Dinner was ham and pineapple pizza, with a few jalapenos, on a boboli crust. Quite nummy!

2/27/07

The theme for the Lenten devotional I'm using is Blessed are Those Who Mourn. Here is the intro to each lesson.

Through the season of Lent, we take a look at ourselves; we examine our lives to find those things in us that need to be changed. When we do, we may find ourselves sad at what we discover. But Jesus has told us this is an opportunity for blessing. Open your heart to be blessed today; in your mourning watch for the comfort offered by Jesus.

My current, trying to be former, ways of eating are comfortable to me, in their own warped way. My weight is the same; it is what I know, so it is the easy path. Not a path that is good for me, but I know this path. My feet go there automatically. And the same with my anxious thoughts; the paths are well-trod, I know where to place each step. So in trying to make this change, physically, spiritually, emotionally, each new step is a bit frightening. Maybe even terrifying. This is somewhere I've not been before. I'm not so keen on the unknown. I like to be in control. But really, am I ever in control? And, with my control, have I been doing such a great job?

Today's devotional was based on Psalm 23. Most often heard at funerals, I take great comfort in it for life, too. God will always provide for me, even in hard times, of my own making or those thrust upon me. When I stray from the correct path, he'll guide me back. When I'm having trouble even finding the right path, he'll be there.

The opening line of this Psalm always seems like both a confirmation and a prayer. I shall not want. God will provide. But also, I pray for my greed to go away. Greed for food, money, stuff, things, approval.

So bringing this back around to the whole mourning perspective, when I fail to meet a goal, eat too much, whatever, it is okay to mourn a bit. Mourn my old, "comfortable" lifestyle. Change is scary. It's okay to be afraid. But change I must. I trust my God, and that he is leading me into greener pastures and still waters. It will be okay. Better than okay, as my husband is fond of saying.

2/26/07

Ate poorly most of the week-end. I ate emotionally. And I knew it, too. But I didn't want to stop it. A situation had me a little sad and anxious, and I turned to food instead of God. And the scales will probably reflect it Wednesday.

I am going to fast from potato chips for Lent, too. Sweets don't seem to be such a big deal. I was eating a few, but in fairly controlled portions, such as my 100-calorie packs. However, chips are much more challenging. Sean gets single serving packs when he orders from Footers, but he doesn't usually eat them. So there were 4 packages accumulated on top of the fridge, and I managed to eat all 4 over the course of the week-end. They are a binge-starter for me. So potato chips are out. I've not been so great about limiting bread to breakfast, either. I'll eat a potato chip sandwich! (which is delicious, but TERRIBLE!) So I need to work harder on that, too.

I e-mailed the first 2 paragraphs to myself from work this morning. I'm not sure why it never occurred to me to do that before. I can do it quickly, and get down thoughts as they happen. I may be doing that more often.

Eating went well today. I intended to have some jalapeno cornbread w/supper, which was yummy chili that Sean made. But I forgot, and now have no room for it. So, in a startling and unusual move, I'm NOT GONNA EAT ANY!!!!

I did 20 minutes on the treadmill today. Started out on the weight loss program, but it went too fast too quick, so I switched to manual. Used an incline of 2, top speed of 2.7 or 2.8.

Oh, and the situation I was anxious about worked out fine. God's pretty cool like that.

2/22/07

Did a weight work out today. Arms, chest and lower back. Eating was pretty good until dinner, when I had a couple of unnecessary slices of bread and butter. However, I did not eat the sugar-free Peeps my friend Shauna gave me. (Thank you Easter bunny!) I will save them for my Easter basket. They're made with Splenda, so I doubt there will be much of a difference in taste from the regular ones.

Here's a link to the devotional I did today. The best part starts at about 3/4 down the page, with "Reflections on Lent." As Shauna pointed out on her blog, it's gonna be more than just giving up sweets. For me, it's giving up control, and/or realizing I never had control in the first place. I am the one who has chosen this path; I have said I want Christ to be the leader in my life. So I need to let him lead. The passage in 2 Chronicles really hit home for me. I think too highly of myself and my abilities, and too often. The focus needs to be on Christ. He is the one who has given me anything that I have to offer.

2/21/07

330.9!!!!!!

I really wasn't expecting that. Not sure how it happened, but I'll take it! That makes 8.7 lbs since January 10, and 20.4 lbs since October 2005. Slow going, but definitely the right direction.

Did 20 minutes on the cross trainer today, on the weight loss program. Ate pretty well, too. I'm going to give myself another week on the reduced carbs, then test my blood glucose again.

Speaking of, Sean's fasting was high at his doctor's appointment this week, and his cholesterol and triglycerides were high, too. The doctor has put him on some oral diabetic meds, and he'll do blood work again in 2 weeks. He is trying to make small changes, but we all know how hard lifestyle changes are. I am very proud of him for how he is trying.

Here's the Lenten devotional I'm using. Seems pretty good so far.

2/20/07

Just finished enjoying 2 fat-free chocolate and vanilla pudding cups. I'm giving up sweets for Lent, and wanted one last hurrah. There are obvious health benefits, but I hope spiritual as well. When I want sweets, I can turn to God:


Psalm 34:8 (New International Version)
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 119:102-104 (New International Version)
102 I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me.
103 How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
104 I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.

Last year, I gave up added salt for Lent. Again, health reasons, and to help remember that I am to be the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13)

I am going to make myself a little Easter basket, with some Peeps and Cadbury Mini eggs, to be enjoyed after services Easter Sunday.

I did 20 minutes on the elliptical today, on the interval program. Forgot to take my mp3 player to work, but fortunately I had a good magazine. And no one else was watching the tv near me, so I could watch what I wanted. Which was the local noon news and some garden show.

2/19/07

Didn't do so great with my eating over the week-end. I did manage to climb 5 flights of stairs, one flight at a time, at Casino Aztar Saturday. Anytime I had to go to the bathroom, I made myself go up at least one level.

Starting today, I'm working on limiting my simple carbohydrate consumption. I eat way too many, and need to change that. Had an english muffin with breakfast, then no simple carbs till my snack after work. Potato chips. But, about all that was left in the bag was 1 serving, so at least my portion size was good! Although the portion of queso I ate with it was not so controlled. Had rice w/dinner, but, again, an appropriate portion. My eating goal for tomorrow is to make a better snack choice after work.

Didn't work out today. I went to a doctor's appointment with Sean, and just took a 1/2 hour lunch to make up for some of the time I missed. I will do some sort of cardio tomorrow.

5 Things you didn't know about me

I was just reading through my friend Wendy's blog, and realized that she tagged me to post 5 things you didn't know about me. So here they are:

1) I used to be a D.J. I started at a country station in my home town of Casey, IL, and progressed to WPFR in Terre Haute in my last year or so of college (1989). Back in the day, PFR was THE station in Terre Haute. It's part of how I met my husband.

2) I have 2 tattoos. A treble clef with some tribal stuff above and below, on my right hip just below the pantie line, and 2 treble clefs (see a theme here?) mirror-imaging each other, with some tribal-looking musical notes to either side, on the small of my back.

3) I tried out for Jeopardy. Missed by one. (That's what Alex tells you to say in his video-taped message.) I'll try out again someday.

4) John Travolta was my first crush.

5) I LOVE Barry Manilow!

So now, I'll tag Shauna, Scot, & Jack.

2/14/07

Happy Valentine's Day!

335.5

Exactly the same as last week. Which I suppose is okay. I've not been working out much, and my eating hasn't been great, so at least I didn't gain.

Didn't work out yesterday. We had ice and snow yesterday, and were missing several people at work, so by the time I got to take lunch (1:30) I was pretty hungry and shaky, and just went to eat instead of work out. Today, we were missing even more people. Fortunately, it is a slow patient day, too. We just took 1/2 hour lunches, and I didn't have time to work out. I could have done something, but I really didn't want to. I'll get back on track. Probably not tomorrow. Probably next week. I'll just need to be very careful with my eating.

Speaking of which, a drug rep brought in some yummy V-day cupcakes. I had one, and a piece of a giant frosted cookie someone brought in. I guess I'll be careful tomorrow.

2/12/07

Have you ever been journaling, and what came out of your pen just seem to come from nowhere? That's what happened with me this morning in my life journaling time. Here's what I wrote this morning, after reading Leviticus 18 & 19:

So many rules in Leviticus! But again, they are for our protection, our health and safety. We need boundaries--without them, we would just do whatever felt good, and reap the consequences later.

This applies directly to my eating. I don't want to follow any rules. I want to eat whatever I want, when I want. But that's how I got to where I am today. I've spent 39 years not following the rules--no wonder it's so hard trying to follow them now! But I've got to if I want to reach my goals.

Help me, Lord. You've made guidelines for everything, including how I eat. Help me to eat foods that are good for me, in quantities that are good for me. Help me to get the exercise my body desires. Let the desire for what's good win out over the cravings for what is bad for me.

So that's what's been on my mind today. And I think I was able to put it into practice some. Went to tone and tighten class, where we did an all-over workout. I ate pretty well today, too. And I made a new 40 x 40 bracelet. I've lost the other one. Stupid toggle clasp. Once I sewed the twist into the 40 x 40 section, the toggle didn't want to stay the right direction, and would come off more easily than I would have liked. Which it must have done at some point Friday, which is the last time I remember having it on. So I made a new one, a little different, with a lobster claw clasp. Harder to get on, but also harder to get off. I'll post a pic soon.

2/10/07

(I tried to post this Thursday, but something was wrong with the site. So here goes again)

335.5

Not surprising, considering how I ate over the week-end. How do you stop doing what you know is a bad habit? It is a very difficult habit to break. But I must find a way to do it. Still, I had 3 straight weeks of loss, and I feel confident I can take this off, too. I will be starting my period in a few days, which may make a difference. But I really don't want to blame too much on that. It is more the way I ate over the week-end.

My eating has been better the last 2 days. A couple of sessions of out of control, mindless eating, but not the entire day.

I didn't work out yesterday. Sean is still sick, and I went to the drug store to get him some medicine at lunch. And the medicine seems to be helping. Today, I did 20 minutes on the cross-trainer on the weight loss setting.

(Now to current posting)

I didn't work out yesterday. Sean is still sick, and didn't feel like going to the credit union after work, so I went at lunch. My eating was better during the day, but excessive at night.

2/6/07

Well, the detox went well during the day. I had a bit of a headache, but that may have been from the weather. We got 4 or 5 inches of snow. Which, as a side note, resulted in me getting some exercise in. Since it was a light, fluffy snow, I shoveled (more pushed) our front walk, and the neighbor's walks on either side. I was rewarded with stickers from my neighbor girls! And I did a path through our back yard to the drive. Didn't take long, but did work up a little sweat.

So, by the time I got home from work and got the shovelling done, I was STARVING. I had 2 big bowls of chili, with too much cheese and sour cream. I ate way past full; it just tasted so good. I have to break that habit. It is just a habit. I need to slow down, and stop when I'm full.

I read some more of my eating mindfully book at lunch today, and I hope I can apply some of the techniques from it.

2/5/07

Ate WAY too much while watching the super bowl last night. YAY COLTS! Ate a little too much today, which I took off work because I knew I'd be up too late after the game. So, tomorrow I'm going to do a detox of sorts, to help get back on track. I've got a couple of Fuze Slenderize juices, and I'll have soup for lunch, and drink a lot of water. Sean is sick, and hasn't wanted much to eat, so we'll probably have something light, like soup, for supper. Since I'm not going to eat (much), I'm not going to work out. I'll pick that up again on Wednesday. I'll do some weights tonight while I'm watching Two and a Half Men and Rules of Engagement.

2/3/07

Did a weight work out yesterday. I was in a much better mood, but didn't get to go to lunch until about 1, so didn't go to class. I did run in to Rebecca, one of the teachers of tone and tighten, and filled her in on where I've been this week. I don't have to answer to them, but it does help keep me accountable. We'll see what next week brings. If I still don't feel like going to class, I'll do machines. So long as I'm doing something, it will be alright.

Had a wonderful dinner with my friend Kim last night at Harry & Bud's before going to see Hello Dolly at the Community Theater. I had spinach and basil pesto soup to start, and a pasta with sun dried tomatoes and mushroom ragout. FABULOUS! The soup was served with a thick slice of bread with a tomato chutney. If you like dill, you have to try their chicken salad. Enough for at least 2 people. They call it a sandwich, but it is impossible to eat as such; you must use a fork.

The Super Bowl party at church has been cancelled. I'm still going to make my chili, and take it to Kevin and Kelly's to watch the game after church. We have watched all of the play-off games there, with great results for the Colts, so I have high hopes!

2/1/07

Weighed in yesterday at 333.3. Only .8 lb, but 6.3 lbs in the last 3 weeks. Very happy with that!

I was kinda expecting a gain, as I've been eating too much this week, but very pleased to see the loss. I am on track so far to reach my goal of 40 by 40.

SOOOOOOOOOOO didn't want to work out yesterday or today, but talked myself into it. Won't get to my goals without working out. Didn't want to go to class yesterday; just wasn't in the mood to do a bunch of stuff I didn't want to do like lunges and squats and the stairs. So I did 20 minutes on the treadmill. Incline of 1 the whole time, and max speed of 2.7 or 2.8 or so. Today I did 20 minutes on the elliptical on a program that went up and stayed there, then down and up and stayed there again, then finished down.

I'm just kinda in a funk with not wanting to work out right now. So I'm just trying to keep talking myself in to going, even when I don't want too. I changed my birth control about 3 weeks ago, and I wonder if that is contributing to my moodiness. I doesn't seem to be all the time; mostly when it comes time to work out. I suppose could be the cold, kinda dreary weather. Or I might just be lazy. Whatever it is, I'm still gonna shoot for at least 4 days a week.

I feel like eating a lot lately, too. Last night, after Art Reach, I went to Wal-mart. I wasn't hungry. But just because I had money, I wanted to get a snack. And not something healthy. And a lot of whatever it was. But, I got to shopping in the bead section, and walked out with just beads and a bunch of bananas for breakfasts. Distraction to the rescue! I did end up snacking, but at least I fought of the urge for a little while. And saved my money.

So I guess I need to re-focus. Which may be difficult what with the Super Bowl party/chili cook-off at church Sunday. I'll take some diet soda, and maybe a couple of 100 calorie candy bars to share. [I'll only eat one, promise ;^)]