2/28/07

330.8

Down .1 lb. I was afraid I might see a gain, after this week-end. (how many times have I written that phrase?) After a 4 lb loss in a week, I'm not surprised to stay the same. I'm going to work hard, even this week-end, to break into the 20's.

I wrote the above paragraph at work today. Apparently, my will to work hard wore off sometime this afternoon. I ate bread at lunch and for a snack. Then I had chicken lo mein and beef and broccoli with rice for supper. And 2 steamed dumplings. After ArtReach, I had 2 more dumplings, some more lo mein, and bologna and cheese. I knew that I shouldn't; I wasn't really hungry. And I had beading to do to keep my busy. But I wanted it, so I did it. Immediate gratification. At the price of reaching my goals. Some sort of mental block going on here.

Did 20 minutes on the elliptical today, while reading People magazine. I haven't been in the mood to go to class lately. Nothing to do with the class or the people, just my mood. Tomorrow I'll take a day off if my friend Kim can have lunch with me, and then probably cardio again Friday. I'm going over to my friend Kelly's house Thursday night to do yoga before Survivor.

In my journaling this morning, I figured that today's Lenten devotional would prepare me for what was coming, as yesterday's did. And I was right. Some of my goals are to think less often of myself, more often of others; to realize that I am not always right or the best. This is from today's devotional, based on James 4:1-3,6-10, and it fits me pretty well:

We live in a proud, individualistic, materialistic culture that seems to be at odds with the themes in this segment of scripture. James reminds us that we are needy and selfish, argumentative and demanding. We are entitled to instant gratification, taking what we want whether we can afford it or not. James calls us to be counter-cultural, naming the mourning we shall endure when we make the sacrifice. He reminds us that Jesus blesses us with all that we need anyway.

Realizing that you're a greedy hypocrite is never fun. This morning I dared to pray for humility, although that prayer scares me a little. But I know my God does not punish me for my prayers. He may allow things that I find unpleasant to come into my life, but it's for my good. I guess this moodiness is part of the mourning process. Mourning those old ways that I am familiar with, whether or not they are right and good. But I need to look for the comfort in my mourning. Those whom he loves he corrects. I was looking over the scriptures I picked out for my Lent inspiration, and this one stood out to me today:

Psalm 19:9-11 (The Message)

7-9 The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes. God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. The decisions of God are accurate down to the nth degree. 10 God's Word is better than a diamond, better than a diamond set between emeralds. You'll like it better than strawberries in spring, better than red, ripe strawberries. 11-14 There's more: God's Word warns us of danger and directs us to hidden treasure. Otherwise how will we find our way? Or know when we play the fool? Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh! Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over your work; Then I can start this day sun-washed, scrubbed clean of the grime of sin. These are the words in my mouth; these are what I chew on and pray. Accept them when I place them on the morning altar, O God, my Altar-Rock, God, Priest-of-My-Altar.