2/27/07

The theme for the Lenten devotional I'm using is Blessed are Those Who Mourn. Here is the intro to each lesson.

Through the season of Lent, we take a look at ourselves; we examine our lives to find those things in us that need to be changed. When we do, we may find ourselves sad at what we discover. But Jesus has told us this is an opportunity for blessing. Open your heart to be blessed today; in your mourning watch for the comfort offered by Jesus.

My current, trying to be former, ways of eating are comfortable to me, in their own warped way. My weight is the same; it is what I know, so it is the easy path. Not a path that is good for me, but I know this path. My feet go there automatically. And the same with my anxious thoughts; the paths are well-trod, I know where to place each step. So in trying to make this change, physically, spiritually, emotionally, each new step is a bit frightening. Maybe even terrifying. This is somewhere I've not been before. I'm not so keen on the unknown. I like to be in control. But really, am I ever in control? And, with my control, have I been doing such a great job?

Today's devotional was based on Psalm 23. Most often heard at funerals, I take great comfort in it for life, too. God will always provide for me, even in hard times, of my own making or those thrust upon me. When I stray from the correct path, he'll guide me back. When I'm having trouble even finding the right path, he'll be there.

The opening line of this Psalm always seems like both a confirmation and a prayer. I shall not want. God will provide. But also, I pray for my greed to go away. Greed for food, money, stuff, things, approval.

So bringing this back around to the whole mourning perspective, when I fail to meet a goal, eat too much, whatever, it is okay to mourn a bit. Mourn my old, "comfortable" lifestyle. Change is scary. It's okay to be afraid. But change I must. I trust my God, and that he is leading me into greener pastures and still waters. It will be okay. Better than okay, as my husband is fond of saying.