I could have resisted. But I didn't want to. Or at least not enough. I was a little hungry, but mostly just wanted to eat. So I ate.
If I had resisted, I would have felt like a success. And felt skinny, despite the fact that a couple of hot dog buns, a couple of slices of bologna and 3 slices of cheese didn't make that much difference in my weight either way. But now I feel like a failure. Because I gave in. Is this all about denying myself what I want? I am too quick to give myself what I want right now, without thought for what I want long-term. It all comes back around to discipline, and my lack thereof.
Man, this psychological stuff sucks. Why can't I just not eat? Why does it have to be all head games? Just eat what I need, and no more. Get my lazy butt off the couch and take a walk. AAUUUGGHH!!
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I need a place to be honest and real. This is it. I'm going to be honest about my weight (!), my eating, my exercising; everything. And it will probably hurt. But I think it will be a good thing.
2 comments:
Believe it or not, I've been dealing with the same issues, and it doesn't take long until you're feeling crazy and out of control.
The problem is, our bodies are just not geared to accept deprivation, and it will fight it tooth and nail.
I'm starting to seriously explore intuitive eating (run a search and you'll find plenty of information online) as another option. It's definitely not the easy way out and takes a lot of work, but it seems worth it if I can escape this dieting/binge eating cycle and feel better about myself. It might be something you'd want to check out, too.
Good luck and hang in there!
Sounds like you're being too hard on yourself, but hang in there, don't agonize so much. Just try for smaller portions-of course, I'm a good one to be giving advice!!
Love, mom
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