4/30/07 x2

I could have resisted. But I didn't want to. Or at least not enough. I was a little hungry, but mostly just wanted to eat. So I ate.

If I had resisted, I would have felt like a success. And felt skinny, despite the fact that a couple of hot dog buns, a couple of slices of bologna and 3 slices of cheese didn't make that much difference in my weight either way. But now I feel like a failure. Because I gave in. Is this all about denying myself what I want? I am too quick to give myself what I want right now, without thought for what I want long-term. It all comes back around to discipline, and my lack thereof.

Man, this psychological stuff sucks. Why can't I just not eat? Why does it have to be all head games? Just eat what I need, and no more. Get my lazy butt off the couch and take a walk. AAUUUGGHH!!

4/30/07

Did well with eating today. Did pretty well yesterday, except for the cherry pie and ice cream.

For lunch yesterday, after having a pretty big breakfast at Cracker Barrel, (I had the Sunrise Sampler, which I ate slowly and savored, and stayed full till mid afternoon) I made rice with mushroom soup. I mad a conscious choice to only make 1/2 cup of rice, when I would normally make 1 cup. May not sound like much to you, but it was a decision to eat less. And I'm pretty happy about that!

4/28/07

Haven't posted much lately because I haven't been working out much lately, and have been eating pretty poorly. Yesterday wasn't too bad, though. I wanted to eat more after dinner, even though I was full. But I was watching What Not To Wear, and didn't want to get up, and then fell asleep in the recliner afterwards. At any rate, I didn't eat more, so it's all good!

Here's what I'm noticing lately, especially this morning. When I start to eat, I don't want to stop. This morning, I had a bagel w/about 2 oz. reduced fat cream cheese and a sprinkle of Parmesan for breakfast. Good portion, nothing excessive. But when I was done, even though I was satisfied hunger-wise, I wanted more to eat. Specifically, toast slathered in butter. I gave some thought to having some. But I knew I wasn't really hungry, so I stayed in bed, where I was eating breakfast and watching TV (gotta have my Lester Holt on Saturday mornings, don't 'cha know) and didn't eat anything else. I kept thinking about it for awhile, prayed about it, and eventually it passed. So I can resist the urges, it's just that most of the time, I don't.

Not sure what the answer here is. I think if I slow down and savor my food more, it will help with the sensual part of eating. Really pay attention to what I'm eating, how it tastes and feels, and makes me feel. I never did finish that mindful eating book, but that is part of what I read in it. Also, instead of eating whatever is easy, I'm going to try to figure out what I really want. And then take my time with it and really enjoy it.

So, that's just kinda what's going on in my head today. I was thinking about keeping real strict track of what I eat, and sending e-mails home from work to record it, but I don't know if I will or not. I think with me, it is more about my emotions and feelings, or desire to escape them, and it may be more important to study why I eat than what I eat. Yes, of course, I do need to make better choices. But I think the most important choices for me right now are about portions.

4/25/07

331.4

Almost 2 pounds. Yay! My goal for next week is 2 pounds. I want to be back under 330, and then continue to go down.

Stress level is down some today. Or at least I'm coping better. Just felt very overwhelmed yesterday. Today, with the help of prayers and encouragement from dear friends, I know that everything will be alright! (Thanks, girls! Love ya!)

Overate today. Don't want to go into the details. Only exercise was 2 flights of stairs.

4/24/07

Yesterday was a good day. Today has been so far.

Did well with my eating yeserday. Push mowed the yard and did weed-eating for my workout. Our yard isn't that big, but it was the hardest I've worked out in a while!

I've got some stressful junk going on in my life right now (financial stuff, car stuff), but I'm trying not to eat to medicate it. It won't change any situation, and will just make me miserable in the long run. What I've been trying to do when I start to fret, is ask God for help, and then thank Him. Instead of trying to work things out by myself, Let Him do his job, and be thankful. How many times do I get myself in a mess because I run on ahead of what God wants to do? Don't think I can count that high! So to keep from stress eating, I have prayer, and beading. Can't eat with a needle and beads in your hands!

The above was all written from work. At home now, and more stressful car stuff. But it will be okay. I did overeat a little, but not too much. We'll see what the scale shows tomorrow.

4/23/07

Eating was good and bad the last few days. Friday was pretty good. No exercise. Saturday was bad, but took a walk after a lovely nap. (FYI--the Papa John's Italian Meat Trio pizza rocks.) Yesterday, no exercise, and better eating than Saturday, but still too much for dinner.

This evening, I will get some exercise by doing yard work. We need to mow and weed-eat.

Friday was a pretty stressful day, at home and work, and I did manage not to stress eat. Saturday, I think the "I don't cares" came back. I need to keep focused on my goals. 40 is not very far away.

4/19/07

Eating was better today. Ate a little too much at dinner, but made a couple of really good choices at lunch and for an afternoon snack.

It was a little chilly, and Sean & I were both tired, so we did not walk tonight. After supper, though, I felt more energetic, and did 2 sets 15 each of biceps curls, triceps extensions, butterflies and over head press. All with 10 lbs in each hand, except for 5's on the butterflies. And I did 1 set 25 on each side of 3 different thigh/hip exercises. I stretched, too. I felt better, physically and mentally after exercising. I'm sure I'll be sore tomorrow, since it has been so long since I've done any weight training, but it will be worth it!

4/18/07

333.2

I want to be at 300 by July 13th. I need to buckle down.

Eating was better yesterday. Still a little too much, but not as much too much, and not as compulsive. I am re-reading Picture Perfect Weight Loss that my health educator sent to me. It should help me to refocus. I've eaten veggies (other than just potatoes) at the last 2 meals. That's something new! I'm trying to incorporate more fruit and veggies. Tonight we're having chicken, rice and pineapple. I have baby carrots at work and at home for snacks.

We took a 35 minute walk last night. Weather was great! We plan on walking again Thursday.

Driving by Wal-mart tonight, I wanted to stop and get potato chips and dip just because I had money in my wallet. Not because I was hungry. I did at least manage to not buy any food. I did have some potato sticks at home, though. At least I saved my money.

4/16/07

After a REALLY busy week last week, I took today off work. Slept in till 10. GLORIOUS!!!!!

Set off this morning to be more intentional and careful about my eating, and so far so good. Although, I've only been up for for a little over 3 hours. Didn't eat everything on my plate for lunch, and had a fat-free pudding cup for dessert. We are having our "daughter" Amber over for dinner tonight, and I will eat some ice cream and a brownie for dessert, but I will limit my consumption of both.

Later this afternoon, we are going for a walk. The weather is nice again now. A little cool, but bright and sunny.

I'm going to drink a lot of water today, too. So far I've had two 25 oz bottles. I've just had the desire to eat continuously lately, and I think drinking lots of water should help fill me up so I can't.

Last night's sermon was about surrender. How many times have I surrendered my eating to God, and then taken it back again? Don't suppose I can count that high. But, I'm giving it a shot again. I can't do this on my own, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (I Cor. 4:13)

4/15/07

So, my 40th b-day is 3 months away. I've not made as much progress as I wanted to by now. As a matter of fact, I've regressed since Easter. I did weigh in this week, sneakily, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but I'm still not going to record it. I've taken a week off. I'll record my weight, whatever it may be, this coming Wednesday.

I want to reach this goal. I'm giving myself 2 more splurge days, today and tomorrow, then it's back on the wagon. Weather is getting warmer, too, finally, so I can walk again. Hubby and I have a walk planned for tomorrow.

Andrea K. has a great strategy posted on her blog. She is eating what she likes, in controlled, reasonable portions. Since she is not depriving herself, she is not binging on the week-ends. That is so reasonable. I know that it is more a strategy for maintenance, but it seems to me also to be what "normal" people must eat like, and a goal I'd like to achieve.

4/10/07

Recovering from a binge this week-end.

Since Lent was over, I had WAY too much sugar and WAY too many potato chips Sunday. Felt pretty crappy yesterday. Wonder why? ;^) Hopefully, both the sugar and crappiness are out of my system, and I can start getting back to normal.

I don't know if I'll feel brave enough to weigh in tomorrow or not.

I did manage to get in some physical activity last night. Used the weed-eater and pulled some weeds by hand.

4/5/07

Eating choices not so good today, nor were portion sizes. However, I did do a 30 minute yoga work-out. Kathy Smith's New Yoga. I did the first part, which focuses on standing poses. Worked up a good little sweat, and the stretching felt great. I have 2 others that I borrowed from the library, and plan to do one on Saturday afternoon.

4/4/07

330.9

I've stayed the same now for 3 weeks. I'm okay with that. Happy that it is not a gain. Getting ready for TOM, so that may account for staying the same, too.

No exercise again yesterday, but pretty good food choices all day. Quantities a little large at dinner, but not bad. I had planned to work in the yard today, but it was WAY too cold and windy. Maybe tomorrow. I went to the library and borrowed some yoga tapes. I only have them for a week, so I'll try one of them on Saturday.

Pretty good food choices today, too. Too much bread and butter at dinner, but that was really the only problem. I haven't been feeling so compulsive about eating lately. Don't know why, but I'll sure take it.

4/3/07

Sorry no posts for awhile. It was a busy week-end, and not much exercise was involved. I did walk all over Sam's Club Sunday!

Friday was supposed to be my cheat day, and it was, but it ran over into Saturday, too. A little better on Sunday.

Yesterday, we had planned to take a walk; it was absolutely gorgeous outside. But we were both feeling tired and lazy, so we didn't. However, I did make good eating choices all day, and my portions were controlled.

3/28/07

330.8

Same as last week basically. And since I was sick and didn't work out much, I am okay with that. We took a 25 minute walk last night. We had a very nice breeze. We are going to stay at 25 minutes for a while, and then bump it up to 30. Eating was better yesterday, but still room for improvement.


The doctor gave me a script for prevachol, which is available generically at wal-mart for $4. I asked about going off the med after I bring the numbers down and lose weight. He said we could try it. He mentioned 50 lbs, which I was thinking too. We also discussed going off my blood pressure meds as I lose weight. He is willing to reduce it then and see what happens. So that is a reward to look forward to as I lose weight. He also gave me a z-pack for my cold. Said I should start to notice a difference in 3 days.

3/27/06

Had a great week-end at my parent's with family in from out of town, and celebrating my Dad's birthday. Over-ate some. But the big triumph was not eating any of Dad's ice cream cake. I had strawberries and bananas w/Splenda instead.

Finally exercised again yesterday. We walked for 20 minutes. We plan on walking again today, for at least 25 minutes.

Sean's blood glucose has come down 30 points! His doctor wants him to continue with what he's doing check blood work again in 2 months. I made an appointment to see my doctor Wednesday about my cholesterol. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

3/22/07

A couple of posts ago, I was beating up on myself about how hard it is to do the right thing. In today's Lenten devotional, based on Matthew 18:28-35, the writer really pegged it:

"Old habits are hard to break, even when alternatives are always before us."

This brought to mind Isaiah 43:18-19:

Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

I've been choosing the old paths lately. I'm tired, or too hungry, or stressed, and it takes more energy to go down a new path, so I go down the old path. But the old paths only lead to the same old places. I need to make a different choice. Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where George needs to make opposite choices of what he would normally do? That's what I need to do: the opposite of what my instincts tell me.

BTW, I've added a link to a blog I read faithfully, Onederful Bound. Andrea K is a very inspirational lady, and I think you'll enjoy her blog, too.

3/21/07

330.5

Very please with that. Down 3 lbs from last week, at least from the official Tuesday weigh-in. Didn't do anything at lunch. I started getting a sore throat last night at choir rehearsal, and it was still sore today and I feel puny, so I just did beading on a bracelet for my uncle. (so if you read this before I see you, Terry, act surprised!) I ate a little too much, but had not eaten much so far today, so it will probably even out. At least, that's my rationalization for today.

********

I think the reason I've been so tired the last few days is because I was getting sick. I stayed home all evening, watching tv and beading. I'm posting this Thursday morning, and my throat is not so sore as yesterday, but I'm pretty congested and stuff seems to be settling in my chest. I usually get sick a few weeks before major singing events (Christmas, Easter) so this is not a big surprise.

My friend Shauna e-mailed me some encouragement, and another blogger that I read faithfully left an encouraging comment here for me too, regarding my beating up on myself. I seem to be past that, today anyhow.

This morning's devotional was really good. I'll post more about that later.

3/20/07--evening

Came here tonight to beat up on myself awhile. We didn't go for a walk. I was tired, so I took a nap instead. And I ate too much today. Again.

Why can't I just do what I know is right? Why does it have to be such a struggle to eat right and exercise? I know so much about what to eat and what not to eat, how much to eat, what to do. Why can't I just put it into practice?

Okay, so tomorrow will be a better day. I will go up to the gym and do something at lunch. And I will try to eat less, and better.

Just why does it have to be so hard???

(sorry, done whining now.)

3/20/07

Did better with my eating yesterday. Had too large of an evening snack, but I did eat a smaller supper to compensate. I waited too long for a snack, and got too hungry, so I wanted a lot of snack. Also had too much salt, which is reflected in some bloat this morning.

Sean and I took a walk last evening. One block further than last time. We plan on walking tonight, too. It's supposed to be near 70 today. The rest of the week calls for a chance of rain nearly every day, but I don't think it's supposed to be all day every day, so we're going to try to get more walking in. I need to do some weights and abs, too.

3/17

Happy St.Patrick's Day!

Took another walk at lunch yesterday. It was very breezy, and I should have worn my jacket. But once I got going I warmed up. Walked about a mile again.

Ate almost an entire box of Cheez-It Stix last night. Sean took a small, sensible portion, and I ate the rest. Mindlessly. While watching What Not to Wear. Great way to start the week-end. Ate a lot today, too. I can probably have a cheat day, but I need to get it down to one day. Right now, Friday's and Saturday's seem to be my cheat days. I need to get a lot stricter on the rest of the week, too.

3/16/07

Weighed in at 331.8 yesterday morning. After eating breakfast at home. That felt a little better. I want to try to get back to at least 329.1 by next Wednesday; hopefully below.

My doctor's nurse called me Tuesday. Since my cholesterol was still too high, he wants me to make an appointment to discuss treatment options. My first reaction was to get all huffy and think "I'm not going to take statin drugs." But once I calmed down, I will go ahead and make the appointment. I still don't want to take statins, but that's not the only option, and I don't even know that that's what he'll want me to do. I haven't been faithful to my fish oil/oatmeal routine, so I am going to try to be more so. I don't like the fishy burps I get
from the fish oil caps, so once I'm out of this bottle I'm going to switch to flax seed oil. Sean's going to take it, too.

Did weights yesterday at lunch. Today will be something aerobic, either in the gym, or outside if it is not too cold/raining.

Eating went better yesterday. Overate a little at dinner, but otherwise, pretty good. And I did eat my oatmeal and take 2 doses of fish oil.

3/14/07

333.5

Can't say I wasn't expecting that. Reaped what I sewed. I have just wanted to eat and eat this week, and I have. Haven't wanted to exercise, and I haven't. I did walk for about 10 minutes on lunch yesterday. It was beautiful. High yesterday got to 82 or so. I didn't want to walk at all, and I almost puttered around enough that I didn't have time, but I figured some was better than nothing, so I did it. Maybe if I do something even when I don't want to, I'll break out of this slump. I need to refocus. Again. I guess I shouldn't feel too badly about that. Refocus is necessary all the time, in all of life. An adjustment, a change of course, is pretty much par for the course. Keep changing things up until you find what works. So if you see my motivation out there anywhere, send it back my way, please!

*************

Walked for 25 minutes at lunch. It was beautiful out again. It got up to around 74. It's getting ready to rain this evening, and I wanted to get out and enjoy the day. And I did enjoy my walk. So maybe I'm finding my motivation again somewhere.

Today at lunch, for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel stuffed after I ate. I'm going to try to get my portions back in control, and eat more slowly.

*************

Here are the words from a song we rehearsed tonight for church Sunday night. I want to make it my prayer; for eating, for everything.

The Answer
Shane & Shane

I've tried more of me, and I've come up dry
Trading you for things, things that go away

My happiness is found in less of me and more of you
My happiness is found in less of me and more...

I have found the answer is to love you and be loved by you alone
Alright, alright, alright
You crucify me and the world to me and I will only boast in you
Alright, alright, alright.

Oh so satisfied, at the thought of you
Growing up in me, covering everything

My happiness is found in less of me and more of you
My happiness is found in less of me and more...

I have found the answer is to love you and be loved by you alone
Alright, alright, alright
You crucify me and the world to me and I will only boast in you
Alright, alright, alright.

3/13/07

We did go get our walk Sunday. About 20 minutes or so. Good first walk for the spring. Sean will need to work up to a longer time. It was a beautiful day, although the breeze was a little chilly.

Did 15 minutes on the elliptical yesterday. The chiller (whatever that is) in our building is busted, and it was SOOOO hot everywhere, including the gym. I was tired, and hot, and 15 minutes was all I could take.

Didn't mention it Sunday, cause I was hoping it would end on Sunday, but it didn't; I've been eating like a pig since Friday. Just haven't really cared enough to moderate it. Don't know if it is hormones, laziness or what. Actually, I suspect carbs are involved. They are addictive, and a big trigger food for me. I really need to find balance there.

Today's Lenten devotional writer understands:

I am a food addict, carbohydrates in particular. I especially lose all control around bread products. A friend who is a recovering alcoholic has taught me much about addictions. We often talk about the addiction to alcohol being different than the addiction to food. You can live without alcohol; you can’t live without food. She can avoid alcohol; I can’t avoid food. I can moderate my behavior toward food but that is more easily said than done.
Because of my unhealthy relationship with bread, the image of God as the Bread of Life has not been helpful. The kind of bread I buy at the bakery is not life-giving. I am never satisfied, and trying to satisfy the hunger only causes shame and insecurity, drawing me deeper into the chaos of addiction.
Then it dawned on me when receiving Holy Communion. It was the chaos that Jesus redeemed. When I leave the Lord’s Table, fed with the Bread of Life, my head is satisfied with the truth of Christ; my heart is content with Jesus as the object of my affection. My hope is nourished and my desire satiated, for what can I wish for more than to know Christ — hungry no more.

Heidi Hagstrom

Here's the scripture it's based on:

Very truly, I tell you, whoever believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life. Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh."

John 6:47-51

My prayer today is that God will make my priorities right. Instead of always thinking about food, I need to always thing about Christ; the bread of life. I need to put food in it's proper place and perspective.

So may we all.

3/11/07

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. Been busy. Intended to walk Thursday evening w/Sean, but got sidetracked. Didn't do anything Friday or yesterday, either. We are going for a walk this morning after Sean wakes up. It has been beautiful here the last few days. I think spring might finally be making her appearance. My crocus are blooming, and my daffodils are starting to come up. The city did some construction last summer, and I know my flowers have been disturbed, so once they all come up, I'm going to take pictures so I know where I need to plant in the fall. I don't do a lot of flowers, but I like bulbs, because you pretty much plant them and forget them. And if any needed thinned out, the city probably took care of that for me!

Got the results of my blood work for the company physical back:

Chol.: 12/5--234; 3/7--233; desirable <200
HDL: 12/5--41; 3/7--48; desirable >50
LDL: 12/5--167; 3/7--161; desirable <130
Chol/HDL ratio: 12/5--5.7; 3/7--4/9; desirable <2.6
Trig.: 12/5--130; 3/7--121; desirable <150
Glucose: 12/5--119; 3/7--101; desirable <100
TSH: 12/5--1.10; 3/7--2/36; desirable .4-4.5


I am particularly happy that the triglycerides and glucose have come down. I have more work to do on the cholesterol. Besides trying to eat lower fat, I'm going to add flax seed oil, and go back to oatmeal. :^( Got kinda tired of oatmeal, but oh well.

Sean's getting up, so it's time to go take that walk. Enjoy your day!

3/7/07.2

329.1!

Down 1.7, and out of the 30s. In the past 2 months, I've lost 10.5 lbs. I need to do my measurements again. I have a couple of pairs of jeans that I wear a belt with, and I have noticed that I have to do it up a little tighter. I don't know if the changes are such that any one else can notice yet, but I do. I tried on the elusive black scrub pants last week, and they still aren't fit for public consumption. The waist is getting looser, but the tummy looks like I have a butt in the front! UGH! I'll try them again in 10 more pounds.

I'm happy with the loss over the last 2 months. It is a little off my desired pace, and if I keep losing at the same rate I will miss my 40x40 goal. However, it is still great progress. I am going to try to increase the loss. There is definitely more room for improving both my eating and my exercise. But that does not diminish my accomplishment so far. I am very happy with what I have achieved.

Weight work-out today. Did 2 sets 15 each of seated chest press, leg extensions, triceps pull-down, low back extension, standing hamstring curls, seated shoulder press and biceps curls. Did it in a circuit again.

I'm having blood work drawn tomorrow, as part of our company insurance wellness program. For some reason, I'm not expecting better results than last year, even though I have lost weight, exercised, and done some better with my eating. I'll post results as I have them.

3/7/07

I had a pretty good eating week-end. Didn't really eat too much, I don't think. I did eat a lot of carbs, though, and I've been watching that the last 2 days to get that in control.

Didn't work out Monday. Yesterday I did 20 minutes on the cross trainer on the weight loss program. Today I plan on doing weights. I'm writing this before work, so I'll let you know how the weigh-in goes. I've weighted the last 2 mornings, after I've eaten breakfast, though, and I may see a gain.

3/4/07

Today's Lenten devotional really hit home for me. Here's the scripture:


Do not fret because of the wicked; do not be envious of wrongdoers, for they will soon fade like the grass, and wither like the green herb. Trust in the Lord, and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will make your vindication shine like the light, and the justice of your cause like the noonday. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him; do not fret over those who prosper in their way, over those who carry out evil devices. Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath. Do not fret - it leads only to evil. For the wicked shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land. Yet a little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look diligently for their place, they will not be there. But the meek shall inherit the land, and delight themselves in abundant prosperity.

Psalm 37:1-11

I'm in a situation where I am seeking the approval of others, and I'm not really sure why. I don't know that they are quite "evil", but theirs are not lives I want to emulate, yet my insecurity leads me to desire approval and acceptance. But the approval I really need to seek is God's.

The title for today's devotion is Blessed are the Meek. I know the work meek, but I wanted to see what the dictionary had to say:

meek
Main Entry:
meek
Pronunciation:
\ˈmēk\
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Middle English, of Scandinavian origin; akin to Old Norse mjūkr gentle; akin to Welsh esmwyth soft
Date:
13th century
1 : enduring injury with patience and without resentment : mild 2 : deficient in spirit and courage : submissive 3 : not violent or strong : moderate
— meek·ly adverb
— meek·ness noun

Definition 1 is especially applicable here. Turning the other cheek. Waiting for God to move. Waiting for me to grow and mature.

Here is how the devotion finished up. It is a wonderful benediction, and my prayer:

Go now, beloved child of God; go in the knowledge that you are blessed. With the promise of blessing to come, live a life given to God, a life of meekness, trust and determination.

3/3/07

Ate like a pig Wednesday night after ArtReach. Just kept shoving food into my mouth. Then Thursday morning, I almost ate a donut without even thinking. Someone brought them in to work, and there was a maple-top cream-filled one, which is my fave. But I figured it would just make me feel worse about myself, so I didn't eat it. Then, at lunch, I could smell the donuts, and realized, you can't eat one of those, you gave up sweets for Lent! So I'm extra glad I didn't eat it.

Thursday night, I went to Kelly's house to do yoga then watch Survivor. The yoga tape had a Christian focus, and was fun. Worked up a little bit of a sweat, and neither of us fell over, so that was good. One of her cats, Max the Manx, decided he wanted to lie on my yoga mat. I guess it was comfy! I was sore on Friday, but nothing a couple of Advil couldn't handle. Today, my triceps are sore. Friday I did cardio, 20 minutes on cross trainer, so I couldn't be that. All I can figure is that downward dog made me sore. Oh well. If schedules allow, I think we're going to do yoga again this Thursday.

I had to go to the gas station to get a bag of ice tonight, and I was surrounded by candy. I really wanted some, too, but instead opted for some sugar-free Life Savers Fruit Tarts. Pretty tasty. I wanted to buy some cottage cheese, too, figuring on binging. But, a cottage cheese binge is nothing without potato chips, which I have also given up for Lent, so no go there. Hopefully, I'll make some good eating and spiritual habits during this season.

My devotional today mentioned mourning the loss of the familiar again. But I think maybe I would like to experience some unknown. Like what it's like to eat appropriate portions at appropriate times. To stop when I'm full. God's gonna be there when I get to these unfamiliar places, so maybe I should just jump in.

2/28/07

330.8

Down .1 lb. I was afraid I might see a gain, after this week-end. (how many times have I written that phrase?) After a 4 lb loss in a week, I'm not surprised to stay the same. I'm going to work hard, even this week-end, to break into the 20's.

I wrote the above paragraph at work today. Apparently, my will to work hard wore off sometime this afternoon. I ate bread at lunch and for a snack. Then I had chicken lo mein and beef and broccoli with rice for supper. And 2 steamed dumplings. After ArtReach, I had 2 more dumplings, some more lo mein, and bologna and cheese. I knew that I shouldn't; I wasn't really hungry. And I had beading to do to keep my busy. But I wanted it, so I did it. Immediate gratification. At the price of reaching my goals. Some sort of mental block going on here.

Did 20 minutes on the elliptical today, while reading People magazine. I haven't been in the mood to go to class lately. Nothing to do with the class or the people, just my mood. Tomorrow I'll take a day off if my friend Kim can have lunch with me, and then probably cardio again Friday. I'm going over to my friend Kelly's house Thursday night to do yoga before Survivor.

In my journaling this morning, I figured that today's Lenten devotional would prepare me for what was coming, as yesterday's did. And I was right. Some of my goals are to think less often of myself, more often of others; to realize that I am not always right or the best. This is from today's devotional, based on James 4:1-3,6-10, and it fits me pretty well:

We live in a proud, individualistic, materialistic culture that seems to be at odds with the themes in this segment of scripture. James reminds us that we are needy and selfish, argumentative and demanding. We are entitled to instant gratification, taking what we want whether we can afford it or not. James calls us to be counter-cultural, naming the mourning we shall endure when we make the sacrifice. He reminds us that Jesus blesses us with all that we need anyway.

Realizing that you're a greedy hypocrite is never fun. This morning I dared to pray for humility, although that prayer scares me a little. But I know my God does not punish me for my prayers. He may allow things that I find unpleasant to come into my life, but it's for my good. I guess this moodiness is part of the mourning process. Mourning those old ways that I am familiar with, whether or not they are right and good. But I need to look for the comfort in my mourning. Those whom he loves he corrects. I was looking over the scriptures I picked out for my Lent inspiration, and this one stood out to me today:

Psalm 19:9-11 (The Message)

7-9 The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes. God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. The decisions of God are accurate down to the nth degree. 10 God's Word is better than a diamond, better than a diamond set between emeralds. You'll like it better than strawberries in spring, better than red, ripe strawberries. 11-14 There's more: God's Word warns us of danger and directs us to hidden treasure. Otherwise how will we find our way? Or know when we play the fool? Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh! Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over your work; Then I can start this day sun-washed, scrubbed clean of the grime of sin. These are the words in my mouth; these are what I chew on and pray. Accept them when I place them on the morning altar, O God, my Altar-Rock, God, Priest-of-My-Altar.

2/27/07, part deux

Ate WAY too much at lunch. Started out okay, with a baked potato, a little butter and sour cream, some bacon and green onions. I ate a little con queso dip also, without chips. Then I had some more con queso. Then I put some on my potato. I felt so stuffed. Which was a bummer after I had such a good work-out. It wasn't emotional eating today. It was just because it tasted good.

I did weights today. Two sets 15 each of seated chest press, leg extension, bicep curls, bent over flies, triceps pull downs, low back extension, seated shoulder press and hamstring curls. Instead of doing 2 sets in a row, I did circuit, and I felt like I got a better work-out. On the seated shoulder press, I could actually do 2 sets of 15, instead of 1 of 15 and 1 of 10. Someday, I'll actually add a weight, instead of just using the weight of the machine! (which is 15-20 lbs.)

Dinner was ham and pineapple pizza, with a few jalapenos, on a boboli crust. Quite nummy!

2/27/07

The theme for the Lenten devotional I'm using is Blessed are Those Who Mourn. Here is the intro to each lesson.

Through the season of Lent, we take a look at ourselves; we examine our lives to find those things in us that need to be changed. When we do, we may find ourselves sad at what we discover. But Jesus has told us this is an opportunity for blessing. Open your heart to be blessed today; in your mourning watch for the comfort offered by Jesus.

My current, trying to be former, ways of eating are comfortable to me, in their own warped way. My weight is the same; it is what I know, so it is the easy path. Not a path that is good for me, but I know this path. My feet go there automatically. And the same with my anxious thoughts; the paths are well-trod, I know where to place each step. So in trying to make this change, physically, spiritually, emotionally, each new step is a bit frightening. Maybe even terrifying. This is somewhere I've not been before. I'm not so keen on the unknown. I like to be in control. But really, am I ever in control? And, with my control, have I been doing such a great job?

Today's devotional was based on Psalm 23. Most often heard at funerals, I take great comfort in it for life, too. God will always provide for me, even in hard times, of my own making or those thrust upon me. When I stray from the correct path, he'll guide me back. When I'm having trouble even finding the right path, he'll be there.

The opening line of this Psalm always seems like both a confirmation and a prayer. I shall not want. God will provide. But also, I pray for my greed to go away. Greed for food, money, stuff, things, approval.

So bringing this back around to the whole mourning perspective, when I fail to meet a goal, eat too much, whatever, it is okay to mourn a bit. Mourn my old, "comfortable" lifestyle. Change is scary. It's okay to be afraid. But change I must. I trust my God, and that he is leading me into greener pastures and still waters. It will be okay. Better than okay, as my husband is fond of saying.

2/26/07

Ate poorly most of the week-end. I ate emotionally. And I knew it, too. But I didn't want to stop it. A situation had me a little sad and anxious, and I turned to food instead of God. And the scales will probably reflect it Wednesday.

I am going to fast from potato chips for Lent, too. Sweets don't seem to be such a big deal. I was eating a few, but in fairly controlled portions, such as my 100-calorie packs. However, chips are much more challenging. Sean gets single serving packs when he orders from Footers, but he doesn't usually eat them. So there were 4 packages accumulated on top of the fridge, and I managed to eat all 4 over the course of the week-end. They are a binge-starter for me. So potato chips are out. I've not been so great about limiting bread to breakfast, either. I'll eat a potato chip sandwich! (which is delicious, but TERRIBLE!) So I need to work harder on that, too.

I e-mailed the first 2 paragraphs to myself from work this morning. I'm not sure why it never occurred to me to do that before. I can do it quickly, and get down thoughts as they happen. I may be doing that more often.

Eating went well today. I intended to have some jalapeno cornbread w/supper, which was yummy chili that Sean made. But I forgot, and now have no room for it. So, in a startling and unusual move, I'm NOT GONNA EAT ANY!!!!

I did 20 minutes on the treadmill today. Started out on the weight loss program, but it went too fast too quick, so I switched to manual. Used an incline of 2, top speed of 2.7 or 2.8.

Oh, and the situation I was anxious about worked out fine. God's pretty cool like that.

2/22/07

Did a weight work out today. Arms, chest and lower back. Eating was pretty good until dinner, when I had a couple of unnecessary slices of bread and butter. However, I did not eat the sugar-free Peeps my friend Shauna gave me. (Thank you Easter bunny!) I will save them for my Easter basket. They're made with Splenda, so I doubt there will be much of a difference in taste from the regular ones.

Here's a link to the devotional I did today. The best part starts at about 3/4 down the page, with "Reflections on Lent." As Shauna pointed out on her blog, it's gonna be more than just giving up sweets. For me, it's giving up control, and/or realizing I never had control in the first place. I am the one who has chosen this path; I have said I want Christ to be the leader in my life. So I need to let him lead. The passage in 2 Chronicles really hit home for me. I think too highly of myself and my abilities, and too often. The focus needs to be on Christ. He is the one who has given me anything that I have to offer.

2/21/07

330.9!!!!!!

I really wasn't expecting that. Not sure how it happened, but I'll take it! That makes 8.7 lbs since January 10, and 20.4 lbs since October 2005. Slow going, but definitely the right direction.

Did 20 minutes on the cross trainer today, on the weight loss program. Ate pretty well, too. I'm going to give myself another week on the reduced carbs, then test my blood glucose again.

Speaking of, Sean's fasting was high at his doctor's appointment this week, and his cholesterol and triglycerides were high, too. The doctor has put him on some oral diabetic meds, and he'll do blood work again in 2 weeks. He is trying to make small changes, but we all know how hard lifestyle changes are. I am very proud of him for how he is trying.

Here's the Lenten devotional I'm using. Seems pretty good so far.

2/20/07

Just finished enjoying 2 fat-free chocolate and vanilla pudding cups. I'm giving up sweets for Lent, and wanted one last hurrah. There are obvious health benefits, but I hope spiritual as well. When I want sweets, I can turn to God:


Psalm 34:8 (New International Version)
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 119:102-104 (New International Version)
102 I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me.
103 How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
104 I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.

Last year, I gave up added salt for Lent. Again, health reasons, and to help remember that I am to be the salt of the earth (Matt. 5:13)

I am going to make myself a little Easter basket, with some Peeps and Cadbury Mini eggs, to be enjoyed after services Easter Sunday.

I did 20 minutes on the elliptical today, on the interval program. Forgot to take my mp3 player to work, but fortunately I had a good magazine. And no one else was watching the tv near me, so I could watch what I wanted. Which was the local noon news and some garden show.

2/19/07

Didn't do so great with my eating over the week-end. I did manage to climb 5 flights of stairs, one flight at a time, at Casino Aztar Saturday. Anytime I had to go to the bathroom, I made myself go up at least one level.

Starting today, I'm working on limiting my simple carbohydrate consumption. I eat way too many, and need to change that. Had an english muffin with breakfast, then no simple carbs till my snack after work. Potato chips. But, about all that was left in the bag was 1 serving, so at least my portion size was good! Although the portion of queso I ate with it was not so controlled. Had rice w/dinner, but, again, an appropriate portion. My eating goal for tomorrow is to make a better snack choice after work.

Didn't work out today. I went to a doctor's appointment with Sean, and just took a 1/2 hour lunch to make up for some of the time I missed. I will do some sort of cardio tomorrow.

5 Things you didn't know about me

I was just reading through my friend Wendy's blog, and realized that she tagged me to post 5 things you didn't know about me. So here they are:

1) I used to be a D.J. I started at a country station in my home town of Casey, IL, and progressed to WPFR in Terre Haute in my last year or so of college (1989). Back in the day, PFR was THE station in Terre Haute. It's part of how I met my husband.

2) I have 2 tattoos. A treble clef with some tribal stuff above and below, on my right hip just below the pantie line, and 2 treble clefs (see a theme here?) mirror-imaging each other, with some tribal-looking musical notes to either side, on the small of my back.

3) I tried out for Jeopardy. Missed by one. (That's what Alex tells you to say in his video-taped message.) I'll try out again someday.

4) John Travolta was my first crush.

5) I LOVE Barry Manilow!

So now, I'll tag Shauna, Scot, & Jack.

2/14/07

Happy Valentine's Day!

335.5

Exactly the same as last week. Which I suppose is okay. I've not been working out much, and my eating hasn't been great, so at least I didn't gain.

Didn't work out yesterday. We had ice and snow yesterday, and were missing several people at work, so by the time I got to take lunch (1:30) I was pretty hungry and shaky, and just went to eat instead of work out. Today, we were missing even more people. Fortunately, it is a slow patient day, too. We just took 1/2 hour lunches, and I didn't have time to work out. I could have done something, but I really didn't want to. I'll get back on track. Probably not tomorrow. Probably next week. I'll just need to be very careful with my eating.

Speaking of which, a drug rep brought in some yummy V-day cupcakes. I had one, and a piece of a giant frosted cookie someone brought in. I guess I'll be careful tomorrow.

2/12/07

Have you ever been journaling, and what came out of your pen just seem to come from nowhere? That's what happened with me this morning in my life journaling time. Here's what I wrote this morning, after reading Leviticus 18 & 19:

So many rules in Leviticus! But again, they are for our protection, our health and safety. We need boundaries--without them, we would just do whatever felt good, and reap the consequences later.

This applies directly to my eating. I don't want to follow any rules. I want to eat whatever I want, when I want. But that's how I got to where I am today. I've spent 39 years not following the rules--no wonder it's so hard trying to follow them now! But I've got to if I want to reach my goals.

Help me, Lord. You've made guidelines for everything, including how I eat. Help me to eat foods that are good for me, in quantities that are good for me. Help me to get the exercise my body desires. Let the desire for what's good win out over the cravings for what is bad for me.

So that's what's been on my mind today. And I think I was able to put it into practice some. Went to tone and tighten class, where we did an all-over workout. I ate pretty well today, too. And I made a new 40 x 40 bracelet. I've lost the other one. Stupid toggle clasp. Once I sewed the twist into the 40 x 40 section, the toggle didn't want to stay the right direction, and would come off more easily than I would have liked. Which it must have done at some point Friday, which is the last time I remember having it on. So I made a new one, a little different, with a lobster claw clasp. Harder to get on, but also harder to get off. I'll post a pic soon.

2/10/07

(I tried to post this Thursday, but something was wrong with the site. So here goes again)

335.5

Not surprising, considering how I ate over the week-end. How do you stop doing what you know is a bad habit? It is a very difficult habit to break. But I must find a way to do it. Still, I had 3 straight weeks of loss, and I feel confident I can take this off, too. I will be starting my period in a few days, which may make a difference. But I really don't want to blame too much on that. It is more the way I ate over the week-end.

My eating has been better the last 2 days. A couple of sessions of out of control, mindless eating, but not the entire day.

I didn't work out yesterday. Sean is still sick, and I went to the drug store to get him some medicine at lunch. And the medicine seems to be helping. Today, I did 20 minutes on the cross-trainer on the weight loss setting.

(Now to current posting)

I didn't work out yesterday. Sean is still sick, and didn't feel like going to the credit union after work, so I went at lunch. My eating was better during the day, but excessive at night.

2/6/07

Well, the detox went well during the day. I had a bit of a headache, but that may have been from the weather. We got 4 or 5 inches of snow. Which, as a side note, resulted in me getting some exercise in. Since it was a light, fluffy snow, I shoveled (more pushed) our front walk, and the neighbor's walks on either side. I was rewarded with stickers from my neighbor girls! And I did a path through our back yard to the drive. Didn't take long, but did work up a little sweat.

So, by the time I got home from work and got the shovelling done, I was STARVING. I had 2 big bowls of chili, with too much cheese and sour cream. I ate way past full; it just tasted so good. I have to break that habit. It is just a habit. I need to slow down, and stop when I'm full.

I read some more of my eating mindfully book at lunch today, and I hope I can apply some of the techniques from it.

2/5/07

Ate WAY too much while watching the super bowl last night. YAY COLTS! Ate a little too much today, which I took off work because I knew I'd be up too late after the game. So, tomorrow I'm going to do a detox of sorts, to help get back on track. I've got a couple of Fuze Slenderize juices, and I'll have soup for lunch, and drink a lot of water. Sean is sick, and hasn't wanted much to eat, so we'll probably have something light, like soup, for supper. Since I'm not going to eat (much), I'm not going to work out. I'll pick that up again on Wednesday. I'll do some weights tonight while I'm watching Two and a Half Men and Rules of Engagement.

2/3/07

Did a weight work out yesterday. I was in a much better mood, but didn't get to go to lunch until about 1, so didn't go to class. I did run in to Rebecca, one of the teachers of tone and tighten, and filled her in on where I've been this week. I don't have to answer to them, but it does help keep me accountable. We'll see what next week brings. If I still don't feel like going to class, I'll do machines. So long as I'm doing something, it will be alright.

Had a wonderful dinner with my friend Kim last night at Harry & Bud's before going to see Hello Dolly at the Community Theater. I had spinach and basil pesto soup to start, and a pasta with sun dried tomatoes and mushroom ragout. FABULOUS! The soup was served with a thick slice of bread with a tomato chutney. If you like dill, you have to try their chicken salad. Enough for at least 2 people. They call it a sandwich, but it is impossible to eat as such; you must use a fork.

The Super Bowl party at church has been cancelled. I'm still going to make my chili, and take it to Kevin and Kelly's to watch the game after church. We have watched all of the play-off games there, with great results for the Colts, so I have high hopes!

2/1/07

Weighed in yesterday at 333.3. Only .8 lb, but 6.3 lbs in the last 3 weeks. Very happy with that!

I was kinda expecting a gain, as I've been eating too much this week, but very pleased to see the loss. I am on track so far to reach my goal of 40 by 40.

SOOOOOOOOOOO didn't want to work out yesterday or today, but talked myself into it. Won't get to my goals without working out. Didn't want to go to class yesterday; just wasn't in the mood to do a bunch of stuff I didn't want to do like lunges and squats and the stairs. So I did 20 minutes on the treadmill. Incline of 1 the whole time, and max speed of 2.7 or 2.8 or so. Today I did 20 minutes on the elliptical on a program that went up and stayed there, then down and up and stayed there again, then finished down.

I'm just kinda in a funk with not wanting to work out right now. So I'm just trying to keep talking myself in to going, even when I don't want too. I changed my birth control about 3 weeks ago, and I wonder if that is contributing to my moodiness. I doesn't seem to be all the time; mostly when it comes time to work out. I suppose could be the cold, kinda dreary weather. Or I might just be lazy. Whatever it is, I'm still gonna shoot for at least 4 days a week.

I feel like eating a lot lately, too. Last night, after Art Reach, I went to Wal-mart. I wasn't hungry. But just because I had money, I wanted to get a snack. And not something healthy. And a lot of whatever it was. But, I got to shopping in the bead section, and walked out with just beads and a bunch of bananas for breakfasts. Distraction to the rescue! I did end up snacking, but at least I fought of the urge for a little while. And saved my money.

So I guess I need to re-focus. Which may be difficult what with the Super Bowl party/chili cook-off at church Sunday. I'll take some diet soda, and maybe a couple of 100 calorie candy bars to share. [I'll only eat one, promise ;^)]

1/29/07

Did better with eating yesterday, and even better today. Made some good snacking choices, both calorie and content-wise.

Did tone and tighten today. We did the stairs, and then an overall body work-out. I had a feeling we'd do the stairs, and I prayed to have a good attitude and not grumble. Do I like doing the stairs? NO. Am I grateful that I can? YES. Lots of people would love to be healthy and able to move. I'm glad I can see improvement in my abilities. So buck up and do the stairs, whiner!

1/27/07

Did 20 minutes on the cross-trainer Thursday, on interval mode. Took yesterday off. Had lunch with my friend Kim. Took yesterday off from careful eating, too. Intentionally. And enjoyed it. I'm back to careful eating today, and enjoying that, too!

1/24/07

334.1!!!!!

I was NOT expecting an (almost) 3lb loss when I got on the scales this morning. I was actually expecting a gain, but hoping for a push. But I was wildly surprised. It must be the working out; I know my eating wasn't very good for 3 days in a row. Very cool.

What was not so cool is my blood sugar. I've periodically been testing my fasting blood sugar. Today it was 147 or so. Not good. I tested it again about 2 hours after breakfast, and it was 176. Which isn't too bad if you're diabetic, but since I'm not, it was lousy. I'm headed in the right direction: eating smaller portions, exercising, losing weight. But my favorite foods are carbohydrates. And I need to eat less and better of them. Sean's blood sugar is bad too; he has an appointment to see the doctor about it next month. So I'm going to start working on healthier choices, and hope that my choices will influence his.

Speaking of influencing one another, Sean did me a big favor last night. At dinner, I asked if he would get me some more potato chips (see, carbs; yummy!). He said no. More chips would not get me to 40 by 40. And he was right. And I needed that voice of reason right then. I told him several times that he was right and that I was grateful. I'm responsible for my own choices, but it is nice to have help when you need it.

I did 20 minutes on the cross trainer on the weight loss program today. I'll probably do weights again tomorrow.

1/23/07

Sorry it's been so long. It's been a busy week.

We had our Chix retreat for ladies from church this weekend at the Brown County Inn in Nashville, IN. It was great! Very refreshing. I didn't eat real carefully, though. Nor did I eat carefully when I got home Saturday night, or Sunday while watching the Colts beat the Patriots, or Monday, for that matter. Today was much better. But, taking all that into consideration, I don't have high hopes for tomorrow's weigh-in. I just kinda went on auto-pilot, and didn't exercise any control. So, I'll probably reap what I sowed.

Back to working out yesterday. I rolled my ankle Sunday while cleaning the snow off the Explorer, and it still hurt yesterday, so I did a weight work-out. Today I did 20 minutes on the elliptical on the interval program. Tomorrow will be class or something aerobic.

1/16/07

337!

Down 2.6 lbs from last week. WooHoo! Yes, I weighed in a day early, but I had a good feeling. And I was right. Yay!

Haven't done my crunches and stretching yet, but will before I go to bed.

Had a nice lunch with my friend Kim today. A drug rep brought in lunch: salad, chicken tortellini with A LOT of cheese, and some sort of berry cobbler, and rolls. I filled up most of my plate with salad, and had just one good-sized serving spoon full of the chicken tortellini. No cobbler or rolls. I tried to put my fork down between each bite, and did so most of the time. I drank a lot of water, too.

1/15/07

Went to tone and tighten class today. We did legs and abs.

Eating went well today. I felt in control. Still room for improvement, especially at supper.

I'm having lunch with my friend Kim tomorrow, so I won't be working out at lunch. However, I will do some ab work and stretching at home.

1/13/07

I did it! I went to watch football at Kevin & Kelly's, and I made good food choices. And the Colts won. Go Colts!

I only had a few chips, maybe 10 or so, with a lot of salsa and a little spinach and artichoke dip. I had one of Kelly's delicious, generously sized enchiladas, and some rice and a piece of jalapeno corn bread. I was very satisfied with what I ate, but wanted another enchilada because they were so good. But instead, I just sat in the living room and watched the game. Then Kelly and I engaged in some good conversation about our shared food issues. It's good to know that other people share your struggle. I did allow myself a yummy brownie, with 2 small scoops of ice cream and a little whipped cream. I know, that doesn't sound like such a good choice. But I wasn't pigging out all night; I was in control. It really helped being with people who will help me be accountable. (Thanks, Kelly.)

Also, since I didn't eat a ton, there were enchiladas left over (not that I would have eaten all of them!) and Kelly sent a couple home with us. So, I still get my extra one, just at an appropriate time.

I'm up too late now, and kinda feeling like I want something to eat. I don't know that I'm actually hungry. So I'm drinking some water and trying to get my mind off it. I had to turn the channel from Food Network tonight while watching tv; it was making me want to eat.

1/12/07

I did something today that I've never done before. I climbed 4 flights of stairs without stopping! WooHoo! We started tone and tighten class today w/the stairs, and I was less than thrilled. But, once I did it with no breaks, I felt great about it! I was breathing like a racehorse for the rest of class, but I did it! Now, mind you, no one cares if I take a break. Every one, instructors and students alike, are SO supportive of me. They acknowledge and encourage me to adapt moves I can't do (yet) and to make substitutions, and to take breaks when needed. That is one of the things I really like about the fitness center. Lots of support and encouragement. And lots of different body types. Sure, there are hard bodies and buff folks, but there are fat people and old people and everything else. I don't think I've ever felt intimidated by anyone there.

Eating has been better, more controlled the last 2 days. I am considering my choices, and not just eating mindlessly.

1/10/07

339.8

Up 1lb. Hopefully, I can blame it on getting ready to start my period.

I have been controlled with my eating today. Good portion control. Had dinner before Art Reach, and kinda wanted a snack when I got home. And I have some 100 calorie packs of cookies, which wouldn't be too bad for me. But, if I just have my cup of hot tea, it adds NO calories, and will still probably satisfy me. And that's 100 less calories consumed. And a feeling of accomplishment.

Went to tone and tighten class. We did the stairs (4 flights), and an overall body work-out. Tomorrow will be cardio of some sort.

1/9/07

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I did work out on Friday; went to tone and tighten class, where we did butts and abs. Didn't do anything Saturday and Sunday. Monday, I had a doctor's apt, so I used part of my lunch for that. But I did pretty well with my eating. And my doctor was pleased with my weight loss. Today, I didn't feel well. Have a cold again. So I didn't work out. But, I was careful with my eating. Had a grilled chicken salad. Too much salad dressing, though. I will weigh in tomorrow. Was up a pound at the doctor's office Monday, but I hope it was water gain from the Chinese food I ate Sunday for dinner. I had a LOT of soy sauce. I know, it sounds like a lot of excuses. And it is. But in my slacking, I have made some good choices.

Below is a picture of a bracelet I made. I call it my "40 x 40" bracelet. I'm going to use it to remind myself of my goal of losing 40 pounds by the time I turn 40, which is 6 months from Saturday. There are 2 rows of 40 silver-lined glass beads [40 by 40, get it?! ;^)] between the 2 ruby jade stones. The rest is silver beads and liquid silver twisted tubes.

One of the thoughts that ran through my head was, I have until Saturday. I can eat all I want until then. But, that's what has gotten me here in the first place. Putting off what I want someday for what I want right now. Well, someday is almost here. So I'm going to do my best to make good choices now. Saturday will include some challenges, as we are going to a friend's house to watch the Colts play the Ravens in the playoffs, but I will eat a small breakfast, and really watch my portions during the game. Kelly, if your reading this, remind me of this on Saturday!

1/3/07

338.3

And that's before the gastro-intestinal virus hit. I should go weigh now!

Planned on working out today. Didn't want to, but planned on it anyway. Then I started getting stomach cramps. And everything exiting my body was liquid. Left work early, took some pepto and went to bed. Dinner seems to be doing okay; just some mild stomach cramping. Not sure if I'm going to work tomorrow or not; we'll see what the morning brings.

1/1/07

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am currently drinking a cup of hot tea, because I really wanted something to eat. I'm not hungry, mind you. Just wanted something. So a nice soothing cup of lemon tea will help my belly feel full, and give me something to do with my hands.

While devoting and journaling this morning, I realized that the goals I have set for myself this year (not resolutions, which I will surely break) require discipline and work, and cannot be achieved by myself. I will need help both from God and others. I want to continue to lose weight, eat better and work out, and work on getting out of debt. Both will be rewarding, but challenging. God and I are up to it.

Here's to a happy, healthy, blessed new year!

12/29/06

340.1

Not as bad as when I weighed in on Wednesday, and not as bad as it could have been. Gained 2 lbs over the holidays. Could have been worse.

I had pretty much determined before I went to work today that I wasn't going to work out. I got up late, and didn't devote before leaving work, so I wanted to do it at lunch. If I didn't, I had a sneaking suspicion that I wouldn't at all. And that is a very vital part of my day. I once heard a teacher say that he didn't always remember what he ate for breakfast, but it always nourished him, and that his Bible study time was like that. It is for me, too. And if I do it early in the day, it just sets a better tone for the day. And gives me something to think about most days, too.

I ate pretty well at work, then just carbed out at home. Just felt like I wanted to eat. A lot. That needs to end. I need to explore those feelings, and not just give in to them. I think I was tired, and feeling like, what the heck, I'm up a pound. The new year starts in 2 days; I have to change my habits.

12/27/06

Did 20 minutes on the cross trainer today. Also, did REALLY well with my eating, until I got home. I've got to break the habit (and it is a habit, not a need) of eating just because I am at home, and just because it is there. I figure that my combo of good and excessive eating probably balanced each other out, and I didn't lose or gain.

I did weigh today after my work out. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be, but I'm still gonna wait until Friday for my official weigh-in.

Downloaded some new tunes for my work-out mix. I went to RollingStone magazine's site and checked out their listing of the 100 best songs of the year. I also looked at some stuff on CCM's site and Billboard as well.

12/26/06

Well, the gorge-fest has ended. I have let myself eat whatever, whenever these last few days. It must end. Although, I must say I've enjoyed it, for the most part. But is that really true? Several times I had a hard time deciding what to eat; since I've been eating so much, sometimes nothing really sounded good. I need to let my self get hungry again. And listen to my body for what it wants.

I am not going to weigh-in tomorrow. I'm certain I would not be happy with the results. I'm going to give myself a couple of days to detox, and I'll weigh in on Friday.

I will go the the gym tomorrow. Probably do a cardio machine, or possibly class. We'll see what the day brings.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

12/21/06

Weighed in at 339 yesterday, so I am still maintaining. Up .4 lb, but I'm okay with that.

Didn't work out yesterday or today. This is the last week I plan on letting myself slack off, so I may not work out tomorrow, either. It's been a long week, and I am tired. So I really probably shouldn't be up at 10:30 typing on my blog, but here I am.

12/19/06

Well, I've been sick, and I've been busy.

Got sick with a cold Wednesday evening. And was off from work with Sean, so didn't work out. Didn't feel well enough to want to work out Thursday and Friday.

I did start back on Monday, with 20 minutes on the cross trainer, on the weight loss mode. And today I took a walk out side, from work to Collett Park and back, about 1.2 miles. It was a hectic morning at work; we have a girl out sick, and Tuesday is just a busy day. So it did me much good to get out side and walk the morning off. Got to see some squirrels and fat little sparrows. And a little partly cloudy sunshine.

Weigh-in is tomorrow, so we'll see how I've done on the maintaining.

12/13/06

338.6 (or so)

I have met my goal of maintaining. I weighed after I had eaten, so I may have actually lost a little.

I was going to work out today, but stayed home from work to take Sean to the doctor, so ended up not working out. He was dizzy, and could not walk, so I had to drive him. Dr. thinks it is an acute virus causing vertigo, and gave him some anti-vertigo meds. He is down to just light headed now.

I did work out yesterday. 30 minutes on the elliptical, on a program that started low, went up, back down a little, up the same level, then back down. It seemed much harder, and I wanted to quit after 15 minutes. Pushed on, and then I only had 8 minutes to go, so might as well keep on. Doing the programs instead of the manual, one level thing is definitely challenging me. And that is good. Just hard.

Ate quite a bit at the party tonight. And had 2 cocktails. And desert. Sometimes you just gotta live!

12/11/09

I was kinda beating up on myself during my devotional time this morning. This is the scripture I journaled on:

14-16Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

Hebrews 4:14-16 (Message)

Jesus had food issues? I have a hard time imagining that. Perhaps the temptation and weakness that is like me is doubting that God will supply his needs. Will God supply more of whatever yummy food is calling my name, or should I just go ahead and gobble it all up now? So I need to work on trusting God that there will be more food when I want it. Eat just what I'm hungry for. Stop when I'm full. So much easier said than done.

I have decided to change my goal for this month. I will be content with maintaining my current weight. Good or bad, food is a huge part of holiday celebrations, and I want to stop being concerned with "good" and "bad" eating. I have beat myself up long enough; it is not productive. I will continue to work out, and try not to make a pig of myself, but I am going to enjoy myself, too. And guilt free, as best I can.

That being said, I did eat too much today. I've been feeling moody (PMS), and self-indulgent. Why does this all have to be so hard?

I did work out today. Two sets 15 each of seated chest press, bicep curls, triceps extensions, bent over flys, shoulder press and lower back extension.

12/9/06

Had a good work out this morning. Did 30 minutes on the cross trainer on the weight loss program. I like going up on Saturday mornings. It gets me up and going, and I like not having to go back to work afterwards. It's not rushed. I do like working out in the middle of the work day too, though. It is a great stress relief for bad days, and energizing to boot.

Yesterday I did 20 minutes on the elliptical, on a program that alternated really low and extremely high intensity. The high intensity part really kicked my butt!

Eating today has been okay. Not great, not terrible. No huge splurges. I did manage to eat a piece of fruit today. My goal for the next week or so is to eat at least 1 serving of fruit and 1 serving of veggies each day. Veggies besides potatoes, that is. I don't eat enough fruit or veggies. Once I get the one serving down, I'll increase it.

I've been reading some other blogs, and it is nice to see how normal I am. I'm not the only one who rewards a good eating day with eating. Kinda counter-productive, I know. But at least I'm not the only one with that struggle. Or who eats for any reason; happy, sad, bored, excited, whatever. A lot of us seem to struggle with the same things. I tend to think that I'm entitled to eat a lot. Well, then, I'm entitled to be fat! I need to start thinking that I'm entitled to be healthy and meet my goals.

12/06/06 -goal

338.7.

Down 1.2 lbs from my official weigh-in on Wednesday, and .1 lb from my unofficial weigh-in last Friday. That is okay. I am going to have to revise my goal for the end of the year to 330. And my goal for next week is 2 lbs. I need to take my measurements soon. I do feel, and think, that I am starting to look a little smaller. Measurements will tell.

I did tone and tighten class today. We did arms, shoulders, chest and abs.

12/5/06

Cautiously optimistic about tomorrow's weigh-in. I think I will at least break even, if not lose a little. We shall see.

Monday, went to tone and tighten. We did a little bit of everything, but a lot of lower body. Couldn't figure out why my hips hurt this morning, and then I remembered. Fire hydrants. With a kick. Without a kick. And a lot of other stuff. Today I did 30 minutes on the cross trainer on the weight loss program. I put some Christmas music on my mp3 player, but it was all a little slow to work out to. I need to put some peppier stuff on this week-end.

Eating has been going better. I didn't pig out on Sunday. I've done pretty well so far this week, too. We'll see what the weigh-in brings.

12/2/06

Well, I ate more than I planned to at the party, but not as much as I could have. And I did drink a lot of water. I ate well the rest of the day, too, and I worked out, so I am going to count it as a semi-victory. And the party was a lot of fun!

I did 30 minutes on the treadmill today. Read Vanity Fair, which wasn't so interesting, so the time didn't fly. I really didn't want to be there. I was sore and tired, and a little whiny. And the ellipticals and cross trainer were taken. I figured I could do 15 minutes, and then switch machines. After 15 minutes, I figured I could just keep going. Then it got to be 26 minutes, and I was almost done. I'm grateful that God gives us staying power to do those things that we must, but that we really don't want to do.

12/01/06

Weighed in yesterday at 338.8. So pretty much back to what I was pre-Thanksgiving. Drank A LOT of water and ate better.

Didn't want to work out yesterday, but did anyhow. Did 2 sets 15 each of seated chest press, leg extensions, triceps pull-downs, low back extension, seated shoulder press, bicep curls and butterflies. I can actually get 2 complete sets of 15 in on the shoulder press now. My next goal for that machine is to actually put some weight on it. Right now I'm just doing the machine w/no weights. Didn't work out today. I was tired and a little cranky and just didn't want to. Four days in a row is good, I can take one day off. I am going to go up tomorrow (yes, on Saturday!) and work out. It will get my butt out of bed, and I think it will help me do better at the party. Don't want to waste a work out by eating like a pig!

11/29/06

340

Up 1.7 lbs from last week. Not surprising. I'm not going to set a specific weight goal for next week; just lose. And I'm setting a strategy goal for the week-end. I am going to drink at least 64 oz of water each day. Eating Sunday shouldn't be too much of a problem, as I am singing in both services, and have rehearsal before each as well. Saturday, however, we have the first of several Christmas parties coming up. The party is at 5:30, and I'll be eating dinner there. I will take a little of everything I like, but not too much of anything. And I am going to take a water bottle to keep refilling. I can do this. I don't want to sabotage myself this week-end. I don't have to keep making all the same old mistakes over and over. Again.

We did step aerobics in class today. I used only the step, with no risers, and just worked on the floor sometimes. Very challenging. I just marched in place some, too. We started a little late, so I bailed on abs, so I could get downstairs to eat some lunch.

11/28/09

Busy night last night, so didn't get a chance to post.

Ate lots all week-end, not just on Thanksgiving. Oh well. Not looking too forward to tomorrow's weigh-in. I did manage to take a walk after dinner on Thanksgiving, so I could make room for desert!

Did tone and tighten class yesterday. Arms and abs. Today, 25-30 minutes on the elliptical, on a program that started flat, went rapidly up, then worked its way back down. I wondered why I seemed to be so tired; thought maybe 4 days of slacking had caught up with me. Then I realized that I usually do the manual program, with no changes. No wonder it felt harder!

11/23/06

338.3

Not surprising, with how I ate on the week-end. It wasn't the Thanksgiving dinner, it was the week-end. My friend Shauna asked me if week-ends are stressful, causing me to overeat. They are not; they are less busy, so I have more time to overeat. And I haven't seemed to figure out that I can be as good as I can all week, but if I pig out on the week-ends, I don't meet my goals.

I've let myself off the hook for yesterday and today. I didn't work out yesterday; had lunch with Kim instead. Plan on taking a walk today, at least up to the nursing home to see Grandma.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

11/21/06

Did tone and tighten class yesterday. We climbed 4 flights stairs, and did calf raises on the stairs, and then did lots of arms and abs. Today, I did 30 minutes on the cross trainer, on the weight loss setting. I'll do something tomorrow, just not sure what. It will depend on when I can get away for lunch.

Eating wise, it was another rough week-end. I said after my food fast that if I could trust God to go a whole day without food, I could trust Him to eat the proper portions. And then promptly ate too much, without thinking or praying, most of the week-end. Yesterday and today have been much better. We had a nummy Thanksgiving dinner at Sean's Mom's tonight. I ate a little bit of everything I wanted, including pumpkin pie, but no seconds. That's a new practice I'm trying to employ. No seconds. Now, on Thanksgiving day, all bets are off for the big meal. But I'm going to eat really carefully the rest of the day. I have to eat breakfast, or I'll be a cranky-butt, but I'll probably have instant breakfast.

Weigh in is tomorrow. Once again, I'm not too hopeful. One of these days, I'll stick to my eating plan and be excited about weighing in. But, I suppose that continuing to work out, and recognizing my weak spots is progress.

11/17/06

The food fast yesterday went well. By the end of the night, I was feeling a little weak, but that's to be expected. I went to bed early, and was grateful for breakfast this morning. I think that if I can trust God for the strength to go without food for a day, then I can trust Him to eat the correct portions, too. I need to let Him be strong in my weak spot of overeating.

I SOOOOOO did not want to work out today, but did any how. Not much, but at least I didn't skip it. 15 minutes on the treadmill, and 2 sets each biceps, triceps and chest press. I was tired and grumpy and I think on a blood sugar low. But after I worked out and ate lunch, I eventually felt better.

Tomorrow I'm going out with my Mom. Does vigorous shopping count as a workout?

TV fast is still going well. I am going to enjoy watching the Today show on Sunday. I do enjoy the quiet much more now, though. I will continue to leave the tv off much more than I used to do.

11/15/06 - goal

337.4.

Not the 3 pounds I set for a goal, but good none the less. 1 1/2-2 pounds a week is a good rate of loss. I may have set my goal too aggressively, especially since I'll be starting my period this week-end. And, I ate like a pig on Sunday. Gotta stop doing that! Goal for next week, even with Thanksgiving, is 335. I guess I'd rather set my goals too high than too low. I need to make an eating plan for turkey day, and exercise goals for that day, too. Maybe a nice walk after dinner.

TV fasting is going well. Nate and Laura didn't mind a bit not having tv on during dinner. The times I'm really wanting tv is in the morning when I get up, and at 6pm, both for the news. It's a habit. I think that when I'm done fasting, I should continue to not watch tv in the mornings until I get completely ready for work. I am always running late, and sometimes it's just because I don't shut the tv off. Might miss something, you know. And I really am enjoying the morning devotional time. Although this morning, I was tired and didn't want to get up, and I felt a little rushed with my devotional, so I felt a little guilty as I was doing it. Kinda screwy--doing something good, but feeling guilty! I need to adjust my black & white vision, (blush & bashful, Shauna!) and allow for some days when I'll need to wait til evening to devote. I think the reason I felt guilty was that I knew I had a lot of plans for the evening, and didn't want to leave devotions out.

Anyway, I do feel that this fasting is helping me be closer to God, and hear Him better. I will watch tv again, of course! But I will leave it off more, too, to leave more quiet space for God.

Oh yeah--did tone and tighten class today. Rebecca was teaching. We did legs, legs and legs. And some abs. I'm already sore! So tomorrow should be fun.

11/14/06

Did 30 minutes on the cross trainer today, on the weight loss program. Felt good. It was a hectic, short-handed day at work today, and that workout in the middle of the day sure helps!

TV fasting is going fine. Sean and I have enjoyed 2 nights of dinner conversation. We have talked about turning off the tv at dinner before, but never followed through. I think that when this is done we could do it at least 3 nights a week. We are having Nate and Laura over as usual before poker and Art Reach tomorrow night, and hopefully they won't mind no tv.

I am going to fast from food on Thursday. Just juice and Carnation Instant Breakfast. Thursday is after my weigh-in, so I think I can do it without it being about dieting. Today in my life journaling, I came across this:


22If anyone won't love the Master, throw him out. Make room for the Master!
1 Corinthians 16:22 (The Message)

That's what I'm trying to do by fasting; make room for the Master. There is nothing inherently wrong with TV, but I need to stop putting it ahead of God. And I need to start trusting God to help me have a right relationship with food. Start trusting Him to be strong in my weak places. So I think I can fast from food for one day, and do it for the right reasons. We'll see.

11/13/16

Did better with my eating today. Kinda doubt I'll make my goal for this week, but we'll see. Had my right leg laser hair removal today, so I took a short lunch. I did a weight workout; biceps, triceps, shoulder press, low back extension and butterflies. 2 sets of 15 each. I think on days when I have more than 1/2 an hour, I'll start going to 3 sets.

Fast-wise, things are going fine. I wasn't in the break room at work for any substantial amount of time. In the locker room at the fitness center, I used a locker where I couldn't see the tv. It was on in the fitness center, but I didn't really pay attention. And tonight, when Sean is watching Heroes, I'll read in the living room or the office. I'm going to clean my closet, too. That'll keep me busy awhile!

11/12/06

Called Shauna this afternoon to join me for a walk around Deming Park. We walked for about 30 minutes. One lap around the outside road of the park, then up Snow Hill. You probably can't tell so much from the pic, but it is STEEP! And people run this hill. People are idiots! It was a beautiful but cold day. And it was nice to talk with Shauna during the walk. Sat and watched the geese while waiting for her to arrive, too. That was pretty fun.

I have begun a fast from tv today. During last week's service, Scot, our pastor at eXchange, asked us to consider a fast as a means of growing closer to God, and to release the kingdom of God within us. TV immediately came to mind for me. I am an addict. So, starting this morning, no tv for 7 days. I don't miss the shows so much so far, but I've noticed the reflex to turn on the tv whenever I'm in a room with one. Even if I'm going to read, or don't have a specific show I want to watch. I will see some incidental tv; it will be on in the break room and waiting rooms at work, and at the fitness center. But I don't really watch in those places. It is at home where it will be a sacrifice. No news and Today show in the mornings. No Two and a Half Men Monday night. I did listen to the Colts on the radio.

One the the things that confirmed tv for my fast was very visual. Next to my bed, I saw my journal, my Bible, and the remote lying on top of both. What's wrong with that picture?

At first, I thought I didn't want to fast from food because I work with the public, and I'd get cranky. And I'm working out, so I need energy. But tonight, I realized that it's probably more because I would fast from food for weight loss, not to get closer to God. Yes, I'm addicted to food, too, but I think I need to deal with that in other ways. I was in such a hurry to buy Eating Mindfully, and now that I have it I haven't read more than a chapter!

I am replacing tv with reading. I checked several books out from the library, and one from the library at church. Right now I'm reading Through Painted Deserts by Don Miller. It's good. I really enjoyed his Blue Like Jazz.

Eating wise, I pigged out today. Good choices at breakfast, lousy choices for lunch and dinner. At least I worked out, so perhaps today will be a push calorie-wise.

11/11/06

Went to the fitness center yesterday. Took a short lunch because I had the 2nd laser treatment on my left leg for hair removal. Just did a weight work-out. Biceps, triceps, chest press and lower back extension.

Went to our friend Nate's house tonight to eat dinner and watch a movie. Allowed myself to have s'mores. Nummy! Left the left-over marshmallow there, though. I could eat the whole bag, and that is not good.

11/11/06

Went to the fitness center yesterday. Took a short lunch because I had the 2nd laser treatment on my left leg for hair removal. Just did a weight work-out. Biceps, triceps, chest press and lower back extension.

Went to our friend Nate's house tonight to eat dinner and watch a movie. Allowed myself to have s'mores. Nummy! Left the left-over marshmallow there, though. I could eat the whole bag, and that is not good.

11/9/06

It was a BEAUTIFUL day today, and probably one of our last for the fall, so I walked outside today. Only about 15 minutes, but I enjoyed it SO much. I intended to take another walk with Sean after work, but a nap beckoned instead. It was probably good for me, as I was having some anxious moments concerning what turned out to be sinus-y stuff. I obsess over health things, and I was a little over-caffeinated today, so I went a little off the deep end. Made it through, though. And a little rest probably did me good.

11/8/06-measurements

Finally took my measurements today. The last time I did was in May. I know I got bigger between then and when I started working out again last month. So here they are:

(body part--now/start//total gain or loss)

neck--16.75/17.9//down 1.15
bust--56/57//down 1.5
waist--56.25/60//down 3.75
hips--64/68//down 4
thigh--23.5/25//down 1.5
calf--16.25/16.5//down .25
bicep--15.5/16.5//down 1

My highest weight last October was 351. So overall, though there have been some ups and downs, in the last year I've lost 12 pounds and 13.1 inches. I am proud of that! Would I like it to be more? Sure. But, it is a step in the right direction. Next goal, 336 for next week. 330 by December 1.

I did 20 minutes on the cross trainer today, on the weight loss program. It alternates between 0 incline and 0 resistance, and 3 incline and 10 resistance. Then I did 10 minutes on the bike, and 2 sets 15 each of biceps, triceps, chest press, lat pull downs and lower back extensions. Tomorrow will be cardio again.

11/7/06 - goal

339! Yay!

I'm setting an aggressive goal for next week--3 lbs.

Sean helped me in trying to reach that goal tonight. He made a yummy casserole with the leftover chili from Sunday, and I had 2 helpings. Just a small bit was left, and he asked me to pack it up for him. I told him I was thinking about eating it. He gently pointed out that I had already had 2 servings, and eating the rest would not help me lose 3 pounds. Of course he's right (he doesn't hear that very often!), and I didn't eat the rest. So thanks again, babe, for the help!

Did 20 minutes on the elliptical today. Tomorrow will either be tone and tighten, or cardio and weights after work with Shauna.

11/6/06

Went to tone and tighten class today. We did a little bit of everything today. Rebecca was teaching, and class kicked my butt.

I usually don't stand in front of the mirror; I'm usually off to the left side a little. But today, I was a little late, chairs for use in class were already set up, and I was in the front row, in front of the mirror. When we were doing triceps extensions, bent over using the chair for support, I looked at myself in the mirror. UGH! The image I see there is not what I see in my head. I found it kinda depressing. I look like a big cow! But I need to use that image, accurate image, as motivation. What I actually look like is not who I want to be. Maybe it isn't even who I really am? I want to make the image in the mirror match that I have inside. Curvy, fit. Not a skinny-minny, by any means. But strong, powerful. Womanly.

I'm going to take pictures. Not for this blog; just for me. I have some skinny pictures out for motivation. Maybe I need some tubby pictures, too. And maybe I can photoshop them to help imagine what I want to become.

On a less depressing note, I do think my torso looked a little slimmer in the mirror. I need to take my measurements. I doubt they will be any smaller than they were before I stopped working out this summer. But, my scrubs are feeling looser around the hips, my "first" tummy roll doesn't seem as big.

11/05/06

I actually did some planning today, and made a good choice at lunch. For breakfast, I had 2 pieces whole wheat toast w/butter and Parmesan. Then a cup of coffee at church. I wasn't really hungry yet when I got home from church, but was looking in the freezer for something to eat. I had been planning on having salad w/some sort of meat, since I am making chili (as we speak) to eat w/Kevin & Kelly while watching the Colts/Patriots game after church. I saw that we had tater tots, and thought, I'll eat those. Then I thought, no, I don't need them, I'll eat too many, and I'm not actually hungry yet anyway. So I sat down and read the newspaper. After I read a few sections, I was actually hungry. So I made a large salad, with 8 or 10 slices of salami (the small ones, not the lunch-meat sized ones), cheese, croutons and dressing. Could I have had less cheese and salami? Sure. But was it a better choice than too many tater tots? Yes. And tonight I can eat chili, and a small bit of Kelly's dessert, and not feel guilty.

11/04/06

Met Shauna at the fitness center today to work out. I did 20 minutes on the cross trainer, 10 on the bike, and 2 sets 15 each of biceps, triceps, seated butterfly's, lat pull downs and chest press. Also did 100 crunches and some stretching. Eating was okay today. I did have 1 1/2 16oz cups of snack mix (a mix of cashews, plain M&M's and Chex mix) while playing poker. And I had a Smirnoff Ice wild grape. Very tasty, but not so great for weight loss, I'm sure.

Had some great conversation over poker tonight. One of the guys goes to eXchange, too. He and his girlfriend and child have been going there about 4 months. They usually sit upstairs, so I hadn't seen them before. And 2 of the other people had attended the church I previously attended. We had some really good discussion about God, God's people, and how we are all sinners. I played pretty good poker, too! I finished 3rd out of 8, and got my money back.

The cat is being very cute playing with one of her stuffed mice.

11/02 - goal

342.7

And that is down .5 from Tuesday's weigh-in. Not sure how that happened. 3.5 lbs up. Not surprised, considering how I ate over the week-end. I suppose I could have put on a little muscle weight, but not 3.5 lbs in a week! New goal: 339. Super/extra goal: 337. But really, 339. I want to be at 330 by December 1st.

Yesterday, I did 30 minutes cardio, all on the treadmill. Max incline 3, max speed 3, but not at the same time. Max speed at 3 incline was 2.8. I could tell I did more incline and speed; my butt was sore in new places this morning! Today, I did 2 sets 15 each biceps, triceps, lat pull downs, back extensions, chest press, forward arm raise and lateral arm raise.

Eating today has gone pretty well. A bit on the carb-y side, but good in the portions. Overall, I feel pretty good about today.